Stranger Danger

"Abandon all hope, ye who enter here."

I laid on the floor for godknows how long, tears streaming down my face, my entire body numb as my thoughts bounced around my brain. 

Minutes turned into hours as the sunlight slowly moved from one side of the room to the other. 

I can't bring myself to move. I can't get up. 

I know someone rang the doorbell again, probably dinner, but I didn't bother to move. 

How can I move? 

What's the point? 

God what even is the point anymore? 

I'm her prisoner. I'm hers to keep here. I stared up at the ceiling for quite some time, so much so that the sun has gone down and moonlight is shining on my face. 

This is rather pathetic. 

I want to move, really I do. I just feel so fucking hopeless and stuck here. I feel like even if I did move it wouldn't matter. 

Why the fuck would it matter? 

My life doesn't matter here. My thoughts don't matter. How I feel doesn't matter in this fucking hell hole. 

I'm hers. Maybe I've always been hers and I've just never realized it, maybe she just decided to take and keep what was hers. I don't even know who she is. 

Yet her very existence on earth torments and delights me. 

It's suffocating. 

She is suffocating. 

She's the exact feeling of when someone sprays really good expensive perfume in room with no air flow. It's just this intoxicatingly sweet, suffocating, burning in the lungs, air that you can't get enough of and even if you could it's too late to go back, now you need to keep breathing it in otherwise you will die. 

Without the poisoned air you will die. Without her I will die. 

A line from a very long book I once read echos and bounces around my head like a pin ball. 

"Abandon all hope, ye who enter here." 

It's a strange feeling, but I understand what that phrase means perfectly. There really is no hope here. There is no hope. There isn't any room for that. Not here. Not now. Now in my current situation. 

"Abandon all hope, ye who enter here." 

Then again I wasn't willingly brought here, I did nothing to deserve this. Or maybe I did. Maybe I just screwed up. Maybe I did something to anger her. 

Or maybe this is some cruel joke God is playing on me. Yuck it up while you can master of the universe. You're very fucking funny. 

I am trapped here thanks to you. 

Thanks to you? Fate? A curse? Misfortune? 

I'm not sure who to thank for this but whoever it is, they're not getting a Christmas card this year that's for fucking sure. 

"Abandon all hope, ye who enter here." 

The floor has gotten cold, my back is hurting, my neck is sore and my shoulders are killing me. 

Thanks to my arm being in a sling I cannot get up without help. 

I'm stuck here. On the floor I mean, I know I'm stuck in this house but I am also stuck on the floor. 

This is so embarrassing. And pathetic. 

My life here must be miserable. It has to be. 

I must be.