72 hours

Sleepover

Saturday 2:15am
"If you get uncomfortable at any moment tell me okay?" She said as she unlocked her front door, and led us into her room. When she opened the door, her room was illuminated in red.

"Like it?" She sat on the edge of her bed. I could feel her watching me, as I looked around the room. I studied the posters on her wall, and the pictures on her dresser, until my eyes focused on the blanket hanging from the wall above her bed, wondering what could be behind it.

"Yeah I wish my room was this cool," I sat down next to her.

"Maybe one day you can show me," she smiled and I gave a fake smile.

I was doing okay until she said one day. There might not be enough time. I might have to push her away after this. Maybe us leaving the party together was a mistake. I know she'd be mad at me for ghosting her after tonight, but it's what has to be done.

"Hey you okay?" I didn't realize how close she was to me, until she nudged my shoulder with hers.

"Uh yeah sorry just a little tired. I should probably get going," I stood up and she copied my movements.

"Do you wanna sleep here? It's late." 

"It's okay billie, I Can always walk. I don't live that far from here anyways," she sighed, quickly walked over towards her closet, and walked back over towards me. 

"Here," she placed a pair of sweats and a hoodie on top of her bed,

"Put these on. I'll be back in a bit," grabbed some clothes from her closet and left.

I took off my shirt and pants, and put her clothes on, a vanilla scent quickly filled my nose. I folded my clothes, and put them on the floor next to her bed. I walked over towards the mirror in the corner of her room, lifted up the hoodie, and stared at my stomach. I turned my body to the side, and continued to stare at myself again in the mirror.

I never liked how my body looked. I've always felt uncomfortable. I wish I was skinnier, even though I was already. I wish my ribs were more defined. I preferred to look at myself from the side, because it made me feel skinny. Whenever I'd look at myself from the front, I felt different. I didn't feel skinny, but I also didn't feel fat. I just felt weird.

I snapped back into reality when Billie opened her door. I dropped the part of her hoodie I was holding and looked at her. I was hoping she'd think I was checking myself out or something, but I knew my eyes told a different story. They were covered with terror.

Billie stared back at me for what felt like hours, and didn't say anything. I could tell she wanted to ask what I was doing, but she was too scared to ask. Too much time had passed for her to ask any questions, without being awkward.

I watched as she sat down on her bed, and patted the spot next to her. I hesitantly made my way over towards her, acting as if I just got in trouble. I was coming up with different lies to tell her, if she asked about what I was doing, or if she asked why I was sad.

I sat down next to her, and she just stared at me. So many thoughts ran through her mind all at once. Minutes went by, and still no words came from either one of us. The longer the time went on, the more awkward it would be to start a conversation.

"I'm gunna call it a night. Let me know if you need anything okay," she stood up and gave a faint smile. She went over towards her closet, pulled out a couple blankets, and put them on the floor laying on top of them.

I laid down on her bed, and stared at the ceiling, trying my hardest not to cry. Before I knew it, tears slipped out of my eyes. I laid on my side with my back towards Billie, so she wouldn't notice.

"Are you awake?" Billie spoke up after about ten minutes.

"Hm?" was all I can manage to get out. I tried to pull myself together, so she wouldn't know about me crying.

"Uh this is gunna sound really weird but um. I can't sleep without holding something and uh. I was wondering if um. Nevermind" Billie sounded shy and embarrassed, as she took her time to get those words out of her mouth.

"Come here," I felt her arms snake around me the second I finished talking.

"Is this okay?" Her hand rested on top of my stomach. I nodded my head, trying my best to calm down, and not let my insecurities get the best of me. Before I knew it her breath slowed down, and her body relaxed as soft snores left her mouth.

Normally I hate physical touch. I hate when people hug me, or high five me, or even get they get too close to me, but with Billie it was different. I didn't mind when she held my hand, or when she sat next to me, or even while she held me. I wasn't ready to push her away once I left her house, but I knew it had to be done. I can't hurt her, but I knew I had to.

I know I just met Billie, but I feel like Im going to owe her an explanation on why I ghosted her, and how she made me feel within the few hours of us knowing each other.