72 hours

She Looked Dead

My girlfriend. Those words kept replaying in my head, remembering when I called for help. I don't know why I said that, but I panicked. I had a big crush on her, but I knew she'd never become mine. It hurt to know that, but as long as she was in my life, I would be happy. I knew it would hurt once she found someone she liked, but it would never compare to the hurt I feel right now.

Another hour passed without an update. Jess tried to ask a doctor, but they said there was no change. I stared at the ground, anxiously bouncing my leg. Every time I saw someone enter the room, I snapped my head towards the door thinking it's a doctor.

As much as I want an update, I'm too scared to receive one. I'm the type of person to say it's better to find out, than to hope everything is okay, but in this case, I'd rather spend my time hoping she's okay, than to find out she's not.

After another hour, there was still no update. The more time that passes, the smaller chance she has at surviving. As much as I hate this, it's true.

I'm trying to stay positive, but at the same time, I'm losing hope. I'll never be able to face the fact that she's gone, but I can try my best to prepare for the bad news.

I caught someone from the corner of my eye, bringing me back to reality. I snapped my head over, and realized it was a nurse. Without hesitation, I jumped up, my heart beating out of my chest. From the corner of my eye, I and saw Jess and Nick doing the same. Without a doubt, I knew that all of us had fear in our eyes.

"I'm sorry," the words easily falling out of her mouth.

My hearing became muffled and I wasn't able to focus. I stared at the nurse, seeing she was still talking, but I was so out of it, I couldn't read her lips or focus enough to hear what she was saying. I didn't want to hear her say I lost Aliyah. If I didn't hear it, it wouldn't be true. I watched as she walked away, leaving the room, my body still frozen in place.

Five hours. That's how long it took, from the time she was taken from her house, up until now. Five hours of her struggling and fighting. The longest five hours of my life, filled with anxiety and hope. All that got thrown away with only two words.

"It's gunna be okay," I heard Nick whisper in my ear, bringing me out of my trance.

"I lost her," i said under my breath, still frozen, unable to process everything.

"Did you not listen to everything the nurse said?" He looked at me and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"I zoned out after she said sorry. I only assumed the worse. Why?" I looked at him confused, but had a hint of hope in my voice.

"She said Aliyah is still alive, barely, because she's really unstable, but she's still hanging in there. She also said she's very lucky because she was practically dead when she got here," he put his hand on my shoulder trying to comfort me.

"Then what was she apologizing for?" I sounded kind of rude, which I didn't mean to. I was just trying to process everything he just said.

"Because they weren't allowed to give us an update until now, and because we aren't allowed to see her yet," he seemed unbothered by the way I just spoke to him. He seemed unbothered by this whole thing, which bothered me, but I kept telling myself he was staying strong to comfort Jess.

I couldn't help but think about her in the hospital bed, still trying to do everything she could to let go. I thought about her lifeless body in her own bed, while I waited for the paramedics. She looked like she was one breath away from dying, but yet so peaceful at the same time.

Hearing she was alive was such good news, the best news I've ever received without a doubt, but hearing she was dead when she got here hurt, especially knowing it's my fault. The words "dead" and "unstable" kept replaying in my mind, along with the images of her lifeless body in her bed.

"I'm so sorry," I said under my breath while I sat back down staring at the floor tiles.

More tears flew out my eyes, falling down my chin and onto my lap. I felt slightly better knowing she was alive, but I couldn't help hate myself even more.

She was fighting for her life, and I couldn't do anything to save her. I couldn't even save her when she was still at her house. She just wanted to be happy, and I don't know if she'll ever get to know what it's like.

I got up and left, wandering around the halls. I went to the front desk and asked what room she was in, but they refused to tell me. The only thing I could do, was walk around hoping to find her. After a while, I decided to give up and go back to the waiting room, until I heard a loud beep. I felt my heart sink when I turned around and saw a bunch of doctors running into a room, I quickly made my over to them.

I didn't want them to see me, so I stayed just outside the room, I peeked in while they were distracted, but all I could see were doctors huddled up in a circle around a bed, the beeping never stopped.

"What's going on?" I yelled to the doctor that just arrived.

"You're not supposed to be here," he put his hands on my shoulders to gently move me out the way so he could go in.

I stood on my tippy toes, moving my head from side to side, just to see what was going on. For a split second, the doctors separated just enough so I could see.

I felt my body becoming weightless, I turned so my back was against the wall, facing away from her room, slowly sliding down. Even though I only saw her for a split second, I got a good view of her.

The image of her replayed in my head, with the beeping continuing in the background. Her skin was pale, eyes glued shut, with a tube sticking out of her mouth. She looked hopeless, tired, and ready to give up.

I was in so much pain, I couldn't cry. I felt completely numb. All I could think of was her lifeless body in her own bed, and now in a hospital bed. Except this time, she looked worse. She looked dead.

I didn't realize the beeping had stopped, until I felt someone's hand on my shoulder. I turned to see the doctor, that I talked to moments ago, kneeling down in front of me, while everyone else left the room one by one, as if nothing just happened.

"Is she okay?" I quickly said. For a second, I had a bit of hope, but remained completely scared. My breathing and heart rate became so fast, I thought I was going to pass out. I tried to read his face for an answer before he could open his mouth.