Falling too much

Four

I go downstairs and I'm met with Leah, I quickly grab a drink of water and I walk back upstairs. I lie in my bed on my phone, I message my mam
Hey mam, please talk to alessia she needs it x
My mam doesn't reply, I figured it was because it was quite late. I turn my tv on and watch the lion king. I fall asleep. The next morning I wake up and can feel a warm embrace around me, I turn around and can see Leah's eyes. I say "good morning"
"Good morning Alesha"
"Glad we have the day off"
"Yeah same, I can cuddle you for longer"

Her words, her face, everything about her sends electric shocks through my body. For a moment, my head turns to my previous relationship with geyse. The pain she caused ached my body constantly. Every time I saw her it reminded me of the pain. We were together for 1 year and 3 months. I arrived at hers to surprise her after playing with the U23s for England. She didn't know when I would be back so I thought it would be romantic to surprise her. I remember opening the door and seeing her with someone else having sex. It replays in my head more than it should but I try to ignore it. She tried to get me back but no way was that happening.

But I'm happy now, me and Leah aren't officially together but I've moved on. Leah says "I want to tell you something"
"Okay what is it"
"I want you to be my girlfriend"
"I want you to be my girlfriend"
I look deep into Leah's eyes, I kiss her and it's passionate. It's quickly stopped when my phone starts ringing, an unknown number I answer it "hello" I put it on speaker.
"Hello is this Alesha Russo"
"Yes who is this?"
"Sarina Wiegman, I want you on the lionesses squad for the upcoming friendless against Austria and Ireland"
"Oh my- thank you so much Sarina. I would love to"
"I've heard many good things about you by Leah. She has requested to share a room with you, I wouldn't say no to her she can be very stubborn. Good luck Alesha, see you soon"
"Thanks Sarina"
Sarina hangs up I look at Leah, I hug her and say "thank you"
I run my fingers through her hair and take in her scent, I look up at her and say "I don't want to get up"
"Me neither, but we need to go somewhere"
"What do you mean"
"You'll see get ready and I'll take you"
"Okay"
Leah walks to her bedroom to get ready, I get ready into a purple body suit with black cargo jeans and a white jumper. I walk downstairs and see Leah sat with her typical ponytail and air forces, brown cargos and a blue jumper. We get into Leah's car, we drive towards London Heathrow. We arrive, Leah quickly kisses me before getting out of the car, I follow her. We go inside the airport and wait for about 10 minutes before I see some familiar faces. I run up to them Lucy catches me and my legs wrap around her, my arms around her neck. She carries me over to Leah, a tear rolls down my cheek. She puts me to the floor I hug Keira. "What are yous doing here"
"Lionesses and we wanted to see you for a bit before"
"You will see me in camp as well"
"No fricking way, you got in congrats Alesha" Keira says
I hug Keira "only because of Leah though"
Lucy looks at me and says "wait are you two together"
"Yeah" I say, I look at Leah and give her a smile, she smiles back to reassure me.
Lucy hugs me and whispers "I knew you would find someone"
I laugh and say "thanks Luce"
We get into Leah's car and it feels unreal, Leah surprised me with 2 of the best people in my life. We arrive back at Leah's and we get out and head into Leah's. She shows them the spare room and they come downstairs. I sit on the sofa too concentrated on my phone to not notice everything happening around me. My concentration is slowly broken when my phone starts ringing. I answer it "hello"
"Hello this is Doctor Kate Newton, calling from Manchester hospital.Carol your mother isn't in a very good condition, in fact she's in her last couple of days, she wants to see you"
My heart breaks, I didn't know what to feel. I couldn't speak, I mange to say "o-k-a-y"
I start crying, I drop my phone on the floor. I walk back into the living room and see Lucy, Leah's and Keira's concerned faces. I walk back out and head towards my car. I sit in it and start hitting the dashboard. Lucy runs out and comes over she asks "what's wrong"
I say "my mam- she's dying"
Lucy pulls me in for a hug and says "I'll quickly tell Leah and Keira we are going and then we will go see her"
"O-Kay"
Lucy goes and comes back out with Keira & Leah 5 minutes later. They get in the car and Lucy drives to Manchester. 4 hours later we arrive in Manchester. Without thinking I run into the hospital "where's Carol Russo"
The receptionist takes me to her room, I see her with tubes in her nose and mouth. She's asleep, I notice alessia sat down, I walk over and sat "less what's happened" more tears roll down my face. "She collapsed yesterday and ever since she hasn't woken up"
Shortly after, Lucy, Keira and Leah all catch up. I sit next to alessia and say "will she be okay"
She shakes her head and puts it down facing the floor. I sit there not being able to breathe properly, tears flood my face. Realisation of loosing my mam set in. My stomach hurts and my heart shakes. Leah sits next to me, my head is in my hands. Leah hugs me and Keira & Lucy get coffee. I hold alessias hand and say "she's dying"
She doesn't even speak she just looks at me and nods. I stand up and walk outside. I am met with my dad he looks me up and down, I hadn't seen him for 3 years other than FaceTime calls. "Dad"
"Alesha, your here"
"Yeah I am" he hugs me and says "I'm sorry for everything, I mean everything. I'm happy for you, I saw how I drove alessias boyfriend away and I've regretted it ever since. I want to try and understand you and help you more than anything"
"She was happy dad, and now she's not"
"I know she was, and I messed up bad. She doesn't even want to speak to me, no one does. Have you got a partner then"
I was hesitant about telling him, what would he say? But I knew I would have to one day.
"Yeah I do" I'm still crying.
"Who"
"Leah she's here with me, but please dad don't say something if you don't accept it, just let me live my own life"
"I accept it darling, I want you to be happy"
"You accept it"
"Of course I do, your mams health has been declining for ages and now I've only just realised how important family actually is to me"
We walk inside and we go over to alessia, Leah, Lucy and Keira. I say to alessia "go speak with dad less"
"Okay" she stands up and less and dad walk off.
I sit in alessias spot, I hold hands with Leah and say "thank you"
"Anything"
After 5 minutes a nurse comes over and says "if your are family you can go see carol russo, she's woken up"
"Can Leah my girlfriend come with me, my sister and dad aren't back quite yet"
"Yeah follow me"
We follow the nurse she shows us to the room, I walk inside with Leah. She looks fragile and vulnerable. I sit next to her and say "mam can you hear me" she nods. "This is my girlfriend Leah, mam. I'm sure this isn't how you would of wanted to meet each other." She smiles
Leah says "it's nice to meet you"
"Are you feeling okay" she nods, I was wondering why she wasn't speaking but I didn't want to ask.
She manages to say "Alesha, darling I'm dying"
I hold her hand and stroke my thumb over her hand I say "I know you are mam"
Leah looks heartbroken, a tear rolls down my face. She says "alesha, look after your sister and dad for me. You pushed through the hard times"
"I will try mam"
She starts crying "mam don't cry"
I wipe her tears with my thumb. "I'm dying, there's nothing I can do"
"I know mam, but you will be with your mam and dad, they will look after you"
She closes her eyes "go to sleep mam"
She says "I love you"
I cry "I love you too"
She starts to sleep, I look at Leah with tears in my eyes. She looks back, I turn my head to my mams head and give her a kiss on the cheek. A nurse runs in and says "she's about to go"
I say "oh, okay"
Alessia and dad run in. I say "she's dying"
I hold Leah's hand with my other hand. My mam opens her eyes and smiles before the machine beeps constantly. I sob into her hand, the nurse comes in and says "she's died I'm so sorry"
I didn't quite believe it to start with, I walk out of the room with Leah hugging me, I see Lucy and Keira and they know immediately what's happened, they hug me. I sit down exhausted with my head in my hands. There's not really a way to say goodbye to someone who you've just lost, you feel as though it's not real, it's not happened. Your in denial, but watching it made me realise life is special and within a moment it can change. What do I do next? We get into the car after saying goodbye to Alessia and my dad. We head back down to London. We arrive at Leah's and we go to bed, everyone's asleep I couldn't fall asleep, I walk downstairs and sit on the sofa. I'm on my phone and go to my voicemails, there's one from my mam, I listen to it. It said
Hey Alesha, hope you have a great time on your new adventure at Barcelona. Everyone around you is so proud, be proud of yourself I'm sure there's many things to come for you. We love you, I love you, mam.
I cry into the cushion so no one could hear me. I didn't sleep at all, I hear footsteps come down the stairs, before I knew it. It was already 8am I hear Leah and she comes and sits next to me. I say "sorry im just struggling"
"I get it, you will when you've lost someone that important to you"
"When does England camp start"
"We need to be there this afternoon"
"I want to make my mam proud by going"
"You can do this, push through the pain"
"I will"
Me and Leah cuddle on the sofa and we watch friends. An hour later we hear Lucy and Keira come down the stairs. Lucy sits on the opposite sofa next to Keira. They look at me with sympathy I say "please don't tell anyone at camp yet, I haven't fully got my head around it myself"
They all nod. I get myself packed up for the camp, we leave Leah's at 1pm and arrive at St George's park at 1:45, people I had seen but never met were here. I saw Ella and ran up to her and said "tooney"
"Alesha, hiii"
"Sorry on your loss"
"Yeah, is alessia here"
"She's on her way now"
"Okay"
Leah goes up to Georgia I stand with tooney for a bit longer. Beth walks in and she comes over to me and Ella. I say "hey Beth"
"Hey is that hickey getting any better" I had completely forgot about the hickey that was still on my neck. Ella looks confused and said "spill the tea"
I say "no, Beth it's a secret"
"Okay" Beth walks off, I look at Ella and she laughs. I say "what"
"I've noticed it, it's massive" she laughs
We all head to the meeting room and Sarina announces the rooms.
Rachel Daly and Millie Bright
Beth Mead and Mary Earps
Georgia Stanway and Jordan Nobbs
Alesha Russo and Leah Williamson
Alessia Russo and Ella Toone
Keira Walsh and Lucy Bronze
Lauren James and Ellie Roebuck
Jess Carter and Lotte Wubben-moy
Alex Greenwood and Niamh Charles
Chloe Kelly and Jess park
Lauren Hemp and Katie Zelem
Me and Leah look at each other and give a smile. After sarinas meeting we all go to our rooms, our bags had already been taken up. Me and Leah were in room 231 and alessia was in room 232. Me and Leah unpack and we talk about a lot. I hear a knock at the door so I answer it, it's Beth. She walks in with tears in her eyes, she sits on the bed. "What's up b"
"Viv broke up with me"
"What why"
"Because she kissed someone, so she broke up with me"
"Aww bethyy"
Beth starts crying, Leah comes out of the bathroom and Beth tells her. After an hour Beth walks to her room and it's time for dinner. Me and Leah agreed we didn't want anyone to know about our relationship. We get food and I sit with Alessia, Ella, Georgia and Leah. I can see alessia is still hurting from yesterday and so am I. I got a message it was off dad
Hey honey, wanted to check how England is for you and less, me and jack are watching the football for the men. Tell her to call him he misses her x
I message back
I will love you dad x
I say "alessia have you called jack"
"No and why bring it up here"
"Because him and dad are chilling, message him at least he misses you"
"Yeah I can imagine, I'll message him later" I knew she wouldn't, she plays around with the food on her plate
I say "less"
"What, god could you just leave me alone" she slams her phone onto the table and walks out. It gets everyone's attention I feel bad but I knew if I went straight after her she wouldn't like it. Ella says "I'll speak to her" I look at Ella with concern as she walks off. I hold my head in my hands and I start to think what have I done. Leah's hand slowly goes up my thigh to comfort me. I look at her and rest my head on her shoulder Georgia says "are you 2 together or something"
I quickly take my head back off Leah and say "no we aren't, just friends G"
I notice less left her phone, I pick it up and see her latest notification it read
Hey it's Parker, why haven't you messaged me alessia. I don't just want to be a one night stand I'm in love with you x
"Shit"
"What's wrong Alesha" Leah asks
"Nothing" I run out of the room I can feel everyone's eyes focusing on me, I run up to alessia and Ella's room. I knock on the door Ella answers and let's me in I whisper "look at her notifications" I hand Ella alessias phone and she reads it. I say "less I'm so sorry I didn't mean for this to happen"
"It's fine I'm just tired and not thinking properly"
"Is that why you haven't messaged Parker" says Ella
"What. How do you know about Parker"
"Look at your notifications less" I say
"Oh" she says
"So who is he" Ella asks
"He's just a friend"
"Yeah it seems like just a friend from the message" I say
"Hey Alesha, I've moved on from jack"
"Then you need to tell him less"
"Okay I will"