Falling too much

Nineteen

It slowly approached 6:30pm and I left to go to training, I arrived at training at 6:50. I love nighttime training, it was peaceful and calm, but dark and loud at the same time. I saw Millie and ran over to her she said "are you okay" I say "of course why"
"Why? Of course I know, Leah was in tears! Are you okay though" she says
"I'm fine now, I promise" my heart ached for Leah when I heard she had been crying, I knew she had but I didn't realise just how much she would of missed me.

She puts her arm around my neck and hugs me, leaving a kiss on my forehead. We walk into the changing room being the 1st people in there, we take our places at the lockers and I ask "so is Sam still captain"
"Unfortunately yes"
"And your doing better in rehab right"
"Yeah I can train with the team but can't play, I can only train lightly though"
"Better than nothing"
Sam Kerr and Jess carter walk in, Sam comes over and says "thought you got ran over"
"Well I'm here" Millie looks over and can see my annoyance on my face.
"Unfortunately" she whispered over her breath. I stood up and looked her deep in the eyes "repeat what you just said"
"You heard me" she says with a smirk
"No say it again Sam" I say trying to keep calm.
"You heard me, you know what I said" she replied.
Millie comes over and gets in the middle, I say "I don't need protecting Millie-" Sam cuts me off
"No you have Leah to do that"
"What is actually wrong with you, what is your problem with me"
"Everything is wrong with you" Sam answers back
I'm slightly taken aback and my breath catches in my throat, I hadn't realised most of the girls were in the room trying to ignore the argument but paying attention at the same time. Millie still close to me but moved further back. I say "why don't you shut the fuck up about my relationship, at least it's stable unlike yours okay"
"Don't even talk about my girlfriend like that, I have a girlfriend at least"
"Yeah she lives over seas and I have a girlfriend but at least when I go home she's there. I know what she's doing through the day unlike you waiting for a phone call from her"
"I would recommend you shut your gob before you have my fist in your mouth"
"Wow so scary" I joke
"I know, plus you haven't gone through anything bad you just made up being in the hospital"
"Yeah I'm sure I did, I was laid in the hospital bed this morning, Emma knows all about it. I'm sure I just pretended it all"
"You did"
"Yeah I'm sure I pretended to kill myself!" I shout. Everyone looking at me, I run out the room. I slide down the wall and sit against it, on the floor. "Fuck fuck fuck" I say to myself.
I heard Millie's voice shouting, and a couple of the others girls. But Sam had silenced.

Tears ran down my cheeks, "why didn't I listen to gabby she was right" I whisper to myself.

5 minutes had passed and there was a silence in the changing rooms before the door opened and I was met with Marcus, one of the coaches. He sat next to me and said "talk to me I'm a coach but I'm also a good listener"
I lift my head up from my arms and say "it doesn't matter, I don't want to talk about it"
"Okay then come on, let's go to training"
"Okay"
I stand up and wipe my face, I walk to the changing rooms with Marcus and see Millie sat on the bench. She stands up and hugs me, she didn't know exactly what had happened what I had attempted and failed to do, but she knew I wasn't in a good condition.

We walked out and I saw Sam. She came over but I didn't say anything before Millie shouted "fuck off sam no one wants you here" I liked Millie's protective side, she made sure no matter what they would disappear and would keep shouting until they walked off. We sat on the grass and I had my legs tucked towards my face and my arms wrapped around my legs. I said "I'm sorry you found out that way"
"I don't care I found out like that, I just wish Sam didn't find out. But all the girls protected and defended you they pretty much shouted at Sam until their voices stopped working"
I gave a weak smile. "I don't like people defending me, I've always learnt how to fight for myself"
"I get that" Millie says putting her hand out, I take it and we stand up.
We do some training before Emma huddled us around.