Falling too much

Sixteen

Me and Lauren walk back to the locker room together. I say "is Sam a good captain"
"Yeah why" Lauren questions
"I just wanted to know I haven't been here for two long and I'm not sure if she really likes me"
"She's a slow burner" we walk inside and get ready. Sam hadn't came back yet so I quickly change so I don't have to put up with her for too long. I change into a Nike grey hoodie and some black leggings. I go over to Millie and say "how was your day in rehab"
"Good but I can't believe Emma assigned Sam as captain, anyone but Sam for gods sake" Millie looked super unimpressed.
"What's the problem with Sam being Captain" I ask, I knew exactly what was wrong with her but I needed someone else's opinion.
"She just talks and acts differently. Her attitude gets in the way and she's awful and toxic. I'll talk to Emma considering I'm meant to be the captain I think Jess or Guro should be captain"
"Okay anyway I'm off see you Thursday right?"
"Yeah see you then"
I walk out and go to my car. I sit inside and drive to Leah's home, I saw Leah's car and smiled. I walk inside and see Leah, Beth and my dad having a debate over football. I give a small laugh before walking into the kitchen to get a glass of water. Leah walks in and I kiss her I say "is everything okay with your grandma"
"Yeah she's fine, she's at home and my mam is going to see her everyday"
"I missed you"
"Missed you too"
We walk back into the living room and Beth and my dad were still having a debate. "What did I tell you yesterday Beth no way are you going to convince my dad that a different team is better than spurs"
"Exactly arsenal are worse than spurs" my dad says
"Actually technically not right, arsenal are higher in the table in the Wsl and the premier league" I say
My dad didn't speak, I knew that always worked. He had nothing to say me. I just laughed at his reaction and Leah sat on my lap my arms wrapped around her. Beth says "we've got training in an hour le"
"I know" she replied in her soft, gentle voice. My dad told me he was going to meet a friend in London. That meant I would be by myself something I didn't quite mind.
We watch friends for 40 minutes before Beth and Leah leave for training. After 30 minutes my dad does too. I had the house too myself, what would I do? I walk into the kitchen and open the medicine cupboard, I see a new pack of paracetamol. "No" I tell myself. I close the cupboard but yet my brain was telling me to reopen it so I do, I see the packet again, I shake my head "no no no"
I sit down on the sofa and open instagram, I go to my most recent post about me and Leah. I look in the comments they read
How can 2 girls be in love
They will never be able to have children
She's just fooled by Leah's looks
How did Leah fall for someone like her
She's so thick in the mind she can't see that Leah is obviously cheating on her
I turn my phone off, tears flooded my cheeks. My mind immediately went back to the medicine cupboard. My heart broke as I saw the tablets but it was the only way to ease the pain. I never really belonged in this world I was just here because I got forced to be here. I had tried before and it was unsuccessful what would happen this time. My hands shook as I reached in for the packet. I get a glass of water and sit on the stool with a packet of paracetamol and a glass of water in front off me. I did it. I lost count of how many I took. I stumbled my way into the living room and laid on the sofa...