In the end

Chapter 58

DO NOT OPEN THE SONG JUST  YET!! <3

Daisy's POV:

We spent the whole day zip-lining and going through obstacles in the forest that made me feel like I was in jumanji.
Jordan never left me alone and was always beside me. There was even a moment where I got too anxious to go on the high steep zip line but he made me feel so safe that I went for it bravely.

We are walking back to the camping area but non of us speak to each other at all.
I feel awkward goosebumps all over my body, I really wanted to say something but what do I even say?
'Today was fun' I open up a conversation
'Hm' he shurgs
'What you didn't have fun?' I say in shock, making him chuckle.
'I had fun'
'Want a cigarette?'
'You smoke?'
He brings a cigarette up to his lip and balances it between his teeth
'Sometimes'
'That's a smart way of saying 'yeah I do smoke''
He chuckles and puts the cigarette box inside his back pocket.
'I only smoke when I feel like it, I'm not addicted'
I raise an eyebrow
'The science of cigarettes are that it is addicting because of the substance inside it called nicotine'
I roll my eyes.
'You sound like you have a problem with me smoking' he lights up his cigarette and takes a puff of it without the cigarette leaving his lips.
'Not at all, you're claiming you are not addicted to something that is addicting'
'Isn't that a surprise?' He replies back. I turn my head to him and he doesn't even look back at me, just continues to smoke his cigarette and walk.

We arrive to the camping bay and people are surrounded by a large camp fire, no jax to be seen anywhere.
Jax has been awfully quiet which scares me. He's always conflicting on something so I don't know wether he left early or he just seemed to realise we're over.

'I think I better go take a shower, I feel like I smell' I sigh. Jordan nods 'let me walk you to your cabin'
I try not to feel affectionate about his offer but it's hard not to feel something towards a guy making sure you're safe. I smile and give him a small nod.

We come to my dorm room and he gives me a single arm hug, I feel him pull on me and keep me there hugging him for a while. Something about the single arm hug especially when he's doing it makes me feel like I'm
His. Like I'm his girl and he's my man.

Jordan and I say our goodbyes and I go inside my dorm with a final quick look towards Jordan who is still keeping his eyes on me.
I enter my dorm and sigh with a huge grin on my face.
After everything that happened recently, the best park I must say is forgetting all about it with a hug.
Not all hugs I find affectionate but with Jordan, it's always affectionate.

'How nice, you and your fuck buddy are now romanticising eachother' a sneer comes from the opposite of the room. I flash my head upwards and my whole body freezes.
'Jax?'
'Its jax now? Remember when we used to call eachother baby? Or when I used to call you princess?'
My throat clogs in fright and I try to gulp down the huge painful ball of fear in my throat.
I know that jax wont hurt me, he wouldn't dare. He's not like that. Never has been. I know him.
I'm more frightened about what he will do to the people around me.
'How did you get in here?'
'Is that the first question you ask? What am I doing here?' His fingers tap on the wooden desk in a syncing pace.
'What did you want me to say? Hello jax how are you?' Frustration rolls over me more than fear now.
I don't know what type of game he's playing but it's obviously meant to get a reaction from me.
'Feisty as always' he chuckles.
He gets up from his seat and comes to the dim light where I can properly see him.
'Why are you here?' I ask again as he slowly steps towards me.
He has a small smirk on his face, yet it wasn't the normal smirk he always has it's something much more serious..evil.

Soon he was right infront of me and so close that I could feel no air pass between us. I feel suffocated.
'Remember the times you and me would escape everyone else?'
My heart feels like it's leaping out of my chest the more he moves closer to me, there was no space to move around and the only thing I can do I step back.
My shoulder hits the wall and I look up to jax, his face has no emotions.
'Jax-' I whisper in a gasp.
I can't breathe, I feel anxiety kick in and if I don't leave this cabin now I might breakdown.
'Shhh it's alright' he places his hands on my face and strokes my cheek gently.
'It's just me princess' his voice is gentle and persuading, he's not one to sound like a narcissist but right now he does and something about it is giving chills all over me. Uncomfortable chills.
I try to push him away but he's too strong and keeps me in a tight lock against the wall.
'Jax let me go' I say softly, I want to stay as calm as I can so that I don't show any fear.
'You used to love when I pinned you against the wall like this, what happened now?' He brings his face close to me, his lips swiping against mine. I turn my face to the side so he doesn't try to attack my lips.
'This isn't about before, we're over. Now let me go' I push his arm away from me and he finally gives me space.
I sigh in relief and move away from him.
'It's about him isn't it? You fucking love him' his words come out in a aggressive roar.
'No, I don't love anyone so leave him out of this. I've had enough of you attacking everyone around me like it's okay' I throw a finger at him as he watches me with disgust in his eyes.

OPEN THE SONG NOW! <3

'I do all that because of you! Don't you understand how much I am willing to do? To fight for you?'
'I don't want you to fight for me if it's going to hurt the people I care about'
'You care about him?' His voice turns calm and his eyes turn soft.
'Yes' I say with a sigh, I look over to him and all the resentment and anger that was showing on his face has turned into....loss.
'I do care about him' I say once again, just so he could hear me say it.
I care about Jordan. A lot.
'Daisy. Please tell me..' he scrunches his fists with a deep breath and walks to me but when I step back he stops coming any closer.
'Please tell me you don't love him'
I feel my eyes sting with burning tears. The look on jax's face as he waits for my answer shows the pain he's in and it's killing me to see that I once promised this man all my love and now he's waiting for me to admit wether I love someone else or not.
'Jax-'
'Just say it daisy. Do you love him?'
My tears roll down my cheeks with a burning sting and I feel it collecting on my chin and rolling down my chest.

'I-'
'Don't say it' he looks away from me and covers his face with his hands.
'Fuck!' He slams his fist into the shallow wall, creating a huge hole.
'Jax!' I shout.
My cries get louder and I can't help but rush to him.
'Stop!' I grab his face and look him in the eyes. His eyes are red and when he locks his eyes with mine I realise how his eyes are welling up.
'We died the day you decided to lie. We died the day you kissed another woman in front of me. We died because we are no good for each other.'
Jax's eyes search mine and his face softens. So does mine.
Even though jax has a lot of problems. Deep down there's the jax I trusted. The one I gave promises to knowing who he was and is. But the jax I was with gave me reasons to trust him.
'It never mattered to me, no matter how much I ended in the deep end, I always swam back to the surface to find you' he cups my face and wipes my tears off with his thumb. He looks into my eyes and I instantly feel like I could breakdown.
I didn't know wether I ever loved jax, but this feeling...It's a feeling I don't understand why I feel it.
One minute I crave him, the next minute I can't stand him and the other minute I question my love for him.

Do you love him?

My mind circles around that word.
I don't. I said it many times.
He fucked up in a million different ways. He called me words he knows is not me, he humiliated me.
But yet again my heart is a magnet to his metal heart.

Me and jax are over. There isn't much to say about us anymore. Maybe in another lifetime we will be together and be peaceful but in this lifetime. In our lifetime.
We are not meant to be.

Jax and me stay still staring into eachother eyes with his hands still cupping my face. He removes one of his hands from my face and slides it around my waist to bring me closer to him, but this time I let him.
'I never meant to hurt you' he whispers.
I close my eyes and let his words slowly kill me inside.
My tears continue leaving my eyes, jax wiping them away with every roll it goes down my cheek.
'You are my forever daisy'
I let out a choked up cry and bite my swollen lip.
'I'm going to leave for Canada soon' I open my eyes to look at him, my eyelashes heavy and my heart bleeding.
'You won't need to worry about me being around anymore'
'When?' I say with a shaky voice. I'm afraid that if I speak more than one word I might breakdown crying again.
'After we return to London, I'll leave'
'Why didn't you tell me any of this before?'
'You never give me the chance to speak to you, plus I thought maybe this trip could've been a hope..for us to get back together before I leave'
I look down at the floor and shake my head refusing to cry, but the tears fall anyway.
'Hey' jax brings my face to look at him with a lift from my chin, my lips wobble as I try to stop any emotions coming out.
'This is going to be good for you. Ive been horrible to you and I can't let you suffer because of me.'
It's true. He made me suffer so much. I hate him with all my heart for all the shit he put me through. But something in me knows that no matter what he does, I can't hate him.
'Plus Canada is going to be good for me too, we will find our separate lives'
I give him a weak smile. Even though he's leaving and it's painful to admit. I will miss him, I will always search for him every time I pass his house, every time I go Bournemouth and every time I go to places we've been together.
'I hope you have the best life jax, I hope you find yourself in Canada'
Jax gives me a reassuring smile and kisses my forehead.
'I love you princess'
I wrap my hands around him and hug him, melting into his arms.
'I love you too jax'