In the end

Chapter 59

OPEN THE SONG WHENEVER <3

Daisy's POV:

We return to London and the whole journey I felt numb. I haven't spoken to Jordan much, he's been trying to speak to me during the whole trip but all I said was either yes, no or I'm okay.

I haven't spoken to jax either, I saw him seated in the bus when we were leaving for London and for a moment when we locked eyes, he gave me a small smile and so did I. Inside I felt like dying. I wanted to go to him. To tell him not to leave. But I can't bring myself to it. I can't bring my past into my future.

I arrive home, my mum tries to ask me about the trip but I just go to my room and stay there till I feel hungry.
When I do go downstairs to eat my mum just stays quiet so does Micheal and mona.
No one asks me nothing which I'm grateful for.
I still feel emotional, like I can start crying if anyone asks me if I'm okay.

Jax is probably on the plane by now, to Canada. And even though me and him were long over, I still feel empty.

I sit on my armchair that's in my balcony, legs crossed, headphones covering my ears and my eyes wondering outside hoping to see him enter those black gates.
Why is he still on my mind?
He asked me if I loved Jordan, and no I don't, but I didn't answer him which made him think I do love Jordan.
Then I told Jordan that I don't love jax no more, and in my head when I thought about it, it felt like I didn't at all. But what is this emptiness I'm feeling?
Now that he's gone, I feel...

Numb.

My balcony door slides open and my mum peeks her head in before completely coming outside.
I take my headphones off and just stare far ahead.
'Sweetheart?' My mum puts a hand on my shoulder but I don't react.
'Are you okay?' I can feel my heart breakdown, and my tears start to well up in my eyes.
'Im fine' I say rubbing my eyes before any tears roll down.
'I heard about something but I'm not sure if thats what's affecting you'
'I'm not affected, I'm fine' I say and bring my legs to my chest as I stare at our black gates.
My mum stays silent for a few seconds.
'You have a one week break before your college starts again, how about we go to Bournemouth again for a few days? You will refresh your mind and it'll be good to go visit roselle too. I know how much you miss her'

Bournemouth. Where we started.

I feel a wave of memories and emotions splash into me. I dig my face into my hands and let my tears flow.
I can never go back to Bournemouth, it holds too much memories.
The beach, the streets, the summer house, the getaway cabin.
I feel empty, he's gone and I just feel nothing.
And that's when reality hits me.

I feel nothing because jax was my something.
He was the one that always was in the back of my mind and In the depths of my heart.
I was forcing my heart to feel something for Jordan by picking out all our memories together and seeing it as a reason to love him, but no matter how much I spent with Jordan, it never aligned with how connected I am with jax.
Jordan didn't speak to me for a couple of days at the camping trip and even though it hurt me, it didn't hurt me enough.

I don't feel anything towards Jordan because my heart is still empty waiting for jax.

No matter how many times jax can fuck up, I will miss him.
No matter how many times he lies, I will still forgive him.
No matter how many times he pushes me away, I will still run to him.

Because I love him.

And I can't keep lying to myself. To my heart that I don't. I can't keep saying it's the memories I miss when it's him I clearly miss. His presence is my safety. His existence is my need.
I let him go because before anyone, I have to think about myself.
I let him go and now he's just..another love.

'Daisy, Sweetheart?' My mums soft voice snatches me away from my thoughts.
'What is wrong? Please tell me so I can help' she hugs me her hands wrapping around my shoulder.
'I can't breathe mum' I sniff with a blocked nose and a soaked face.
'Oh sweetheart' she brushes my hair with her fingers and comforts me as I let my tears fall.
'Do you want to talk about it?' She whispers but I shake my head.

My mum leaves me alone after a few minutes of comforting me, now I'm back to me and my thoughts.
My mum probably knows about jax leaving for Canada today, and I know she knows because of the way I have broken down infront of her. I've never felt this emotional over anything other than when me and jax broke up and now that jax is gone to Canada.
Jax left not only for himself but for me, he admitted that he made me miserable and he wanted me to have a better life without him bothering me.
This is the moment where my life is finally starting new. I need to move on, no matter how much is hurts.
I will continue studying, find a career just for me after I graduate, meet someone, get married and grow old.  And so will jax.
He will be with someone who's not me, have kids with her, grow old with her. Something I always thought would be me that's next to him till we die.
Fate has its limits and we was a limit.
Now I will find my own fate.

In the end...we just stayed as a memory.

Or who knows 😏
There will be a PART   TWO!!!!! of 'in the end' where years later daisy and jax finally encounter one an other.
They have lived years without eachother yet still keeping their memories in their minds alive.
Will they move on just like they both did without each-other or will the old memories come back to the surface?