his girls (Charles Leclerc)

fifteen

"Charles... I think I'm in love with you." I whispered, searching his eyes. I was scared and yet so hopeful, we were sat in his Ferrari parked out the front of my house eating ice cream we'd picked up on the way home from the ceremony.

I'm finally coming forward, I just don't know if I should.

When he didn't respond, my rambling took over, my anxious trait presented "You're a dependable and comforting presence to me, like constant reassurance. The world could be wrapped in hurricanes and some how, in your arms it would be still and quiet."

"Juliette, I will never leave you," Charles says "Never, you'll never have to wonder where I went. I'll be right by your side."

I looked up at his face, even sat down he was still a whole head taller than me, I've spent a long time with a whole in my heart.

Charles fills all the empty space inside of me, he heals every wound. I know how dangerous this is, but with him next to me nothing can ever hurt me.

He finished his cone, "Juliette, come over to mine for Christmas, it'll be Pierre's family and mine, it's traditional, but I want you there too, you, Camila and Esme."

"You want us to meet your family?" I asked, kind of surprised that he would want that but also unsurprised, he met my entire family the second day I was even in Monaco.

"You lot are my family."
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"So you didn't kiss?" Esme asked, her voice grainy over the phone as she wanted the recap of last nights antics.

"Nope."

She widened her eyes in shock "And you told him you loved him and he didn't say it back..."

I nodded, "No he didn't, but he did invite us all up for Christmas with his family, I think that's a step in a good direction."

"And people say girls are confusing, Jesus," she uttered "Anyway, I'm not there for Christmas remember I'm travelling tonight."

How could I forget? Esme and Ben were going to Iceland for Christmas this year, a tradition that they had developed whilst I was away in Italy, they always invited me out of pity but taking a newborn / toddler to Iceland was not practical.

"Oh of course you are!" I figured, esme and Ben had been together since high school, literally years as Esme was twenty seven now, and three years older than me.

Yeah, I had Camila at twenty.

She chuckled smiling "Seems both of the Laurent sisters have quite exiting Christmas plans then, look I've got to go Ben is trying to weigh the luggage and we're over the limit by a lot."

"Oh god, don't forget to bring my present for you guys with!" I smiled hanging up the phone, Camila wandering into the kitchen lazily after, since it was the Christmas Holidays there was no point in awaking her early.

I set her into the chair at the table, giving her a smile "What do you want for breakfast Mon amour?"

Her little lips pursed as she leaned onto her hands, "Umm, can I have waffles, please?"

"Sure, baby," I responded, pressing a kiss into her head as I made my way to the freezer to pull out the frozen waffles that could be made in the toaster. Camila was singing to herself as she waited, moving her fork around as if it was dancing to the song she was making up. I couldn't help but laugh as I placed the plate of waffles in front of her, pouring a little bit of syrup on them also "For princess Camila."

"Thank you mummy." She responded immediately, digging into the waffles on her plate. Pouring myself a cup of coffee, I sat at the table next to her, watching her attempt to cut up the waffles by herself, suddenly looking up at me head tilted "Mummy help?"

"Here you go." I smiled, cutting them up into little pieces so she could easily chew them, often when we ate breakfast together we'd discuss what we dreamt about the night before but today was different, "So, three days until Christmas is there anything you haven't asked Santa for yet but you want?"

She thought for a moment, putting down her fork to think, "Santa always knows, you don't have to say it he knows." She told me with such confidence, she'd given me his letter a week ago and we posted it to him together.

She's stumped me here, "Your right he does, but there are so many children in the world for him to give presents too, don't you think it's helpful to tell me so I can let him know?"

"Oh yeah!" She smiled, I was so grateful to have such a kind daughter, some people say it's down to how you raise them and some people kind of argue you get what your given, but my daughter is the embodiment of kindness.

"So you have something in mind?" I asked her, she'd already told me the thing she really wanted for Christmas was the tangled  tower with the little figures in, obviously.

She nodded, smiling and picking up her fork once again and shoving waffle into her mouth as she spoke "Yeah, I want to meet daddy."

I've always thought that maybe the best way to cope with loss of the people we love is to find them in as many things as we possibly can, and I find him in Camila every day, multiple times a day.

In her appearance, her attitude, her sass, her social skills, her general personality, her determination and most of all her love, but she doesn't have someone to find, she didn't even know him.

I sighed, "You know how I said daddy's in the sky," I paused trying to think of something she'd understand "We can't see him, or hear him, or touch him  but he's here with us right now,  he's always with you."

She raised her eyebrows confused "He's with me?"

"When you lose someone you love that person becomes apart of you, they become apart of you forever."