MERLIN / MERTHUR ONESHOTS

the end of all things

an:
aged out of the acf recently
feeling pretty shit about it icl
i don't really have anything else
so
short vent fic it is

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Living in the shadows wasn't easy, not for the fact that it was too difficult to do but so for the fact that it was too easy.

Spending your whole life going unnoticed takes a toll on one's mind.

To be so insignificant to the world that even your death would go by without even a murmur.

Although when you spend so long fighting within the darkness, at least you can't remember the light.
That's why it's blinding when the curtains finally unveil and youre thrust into the open.

It's confusing at first, to be seen.

It's confusing and it's quite frankly scary.

At first you don't belong, you're a stranger. Walking through a world that is unknown.

The light dims after a while, you start to be able to see. With this new found vision becomes aspiration, hope.

Hope is vicious, it creates fear.

This agonising uncertainty diminishes after a while, fading until it's bearable.

You're not alone anymore.

To suddenly be significant is overwhelming , spending so long hiding in the dark just to finally mean something.

A family, a home.
The first time you feel like perhaps, perhaps you might just belong.

It becomes comfortable after a while, normal.
You get so used to waking up that you don't even question it anymore.

Slowly feelings will begin to creep in, you feel happy, content and dare you even say..normal.

You create a mantra in your mind, reminding yourself that this isn't for granted, you're still disposable.

You forget.

The light is so much more prevalent now ,that you begin to forget you were ever in the darkness.

Then it hits you.

Submerged into a void that you can't escape, a black hole growing deeper and deeper.

It swallows you whole.

You can't breathe, you can't see, you can't feel.

You think you're dying.

The insignificance pounces on you, leaving you vulnerable. You beg for forgiveness, beg for another chance. But your pleads are falling on empty ears, the darkness muffling your voice.

You're nothing.

Everything you ever had is gone, your home, your family, your life..just gone.

And you regretfully realise that soon you will be too.

You can't carry on, not like this, not again.

You can't escape, you can't return.
So instead, you know you must leave.

You hope that when you close your eyes you'll be back in the light, that this time you won't take it for granted.

In a way you will, trapped in a memory for eternity.

But it's cold, it's empty and you're alone.

You know deep in your heart that there's nothing here for you now.
You know once again that your death will not cause even a murmur.

As your spirit looks on you realise you were right.
They hadn't noticed, they hadn't cared.
They were still in the light but now you weren't even in the dark.

There's worlds between you now. Yet you still crave to go home.

It's too late.

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In which Merlin finally finds peace with being Arthur's manservant just for Uther to banish him from the Kingdom.