MERLIN / MERTHUR ONESHOTS

Sad

TW! sh n ed n breakdown

Merlin didn't know what was wrong with him.

He didn't understand what the overwhelming crushing feelings in his chest was, the feeling that made him want to scream and cry but also laugh hysterically at everything around him.

He didn't understand why no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't cry nor could he truly laugh at anything. It had been like that for a while now and he just didn't understand.

It wasn't magic related, nobody had cursed or hexed him. Whatever was going on was on him alone, but still he didn't know how to fix it.

Nobody knew, not really. Of course people had noticed when he slipped up from time to time, exposing his emotionless face and dark eyes, but they merely forgot hours later. He was good at hiding it behind rude remarks and sarcastic comments, he was used to hiding it with laughs and being utterly clumsy but lately...lately he'd been finding it harder, he couldn't anchor himself down.

It was just another day for him. He woke up in the morning, wishing he didn't have to move, he stared blankly at nothing whilst he washed and dressed himself before forcing up a smile and greeting Gaius.

"What is wrong my boy?"
Gaius asked as he brought a hand to reach Merlin's shoulder. His smile faltered as he cocked his head, afraid his cover had been broken. He didn't want people to know, he didn't want them to worry - he had no idea what was troubling them, so why should they?

"Nothing Gaius, why do you ask?"
Gaius looked him up and down with his eyebrow raised, he still hadn't moved his hand.

"You look different Merlin, have you been sleeping alright?"
This question came as a relief to Merlin, not being able to sleep is an easy excuse and a true one at that. He slowly shook his head before bringing a hand to stroke through it. He chuckled a little, fake of course, to ease the tension filling the room.

"Oh no, nightmares and stuff. I'll be fine Gaius, now really i must go attend to Arthur."
Gaius didn't have time to reply, Merlin had already bounded out of their chambers on a journey through the castle.

He waved at everyone he saw, always keeping his 'smile' plastered on his face, laughing at appropriate times and talking to those who stopped him. They all looked at him oddly but upon hearing him talk , they shook it off.

When he got to the kitchens for Arthur's food, Cook stopped him with a spoon.
"Are you alright Merlin?"
Merlin tried to widen his smile even more before turning to face Cook.
"I'm alright, yourself?"
She slowly brought her spoon away but still didn't trust a word from his mouth. Over the years he began to feel like family not only to her but to everyone he met.
"I'm fine, promise me you'll take care of yourself Merlin?"
Merlin ran out of the room, shooting a 'I promise' over his shoulder, effectively satisfying the woman.

He reached Arthur's chambers and hesitated before he entered, he didn't know why he did that. A sudden rush of pain overcame him, it felt physical but he knew that i wasn't, still he clutched at his chest with the free hand he had.
He used his shoulder to nudge open the door, setting the food down before looking down at it, feeling nauseated ; food had a negative affect on him recently, he hadn't found out why yet so he passed it off as nothing.

He pulled the curtains back weakly, his usual cheery 'rise and shine' failing to fall from his lips. This didn't go unnoticed by Arthur.
Arthur slipped out of bed and made his way towards Merlin. He inspected his manservant, his best friend, he didn't find any physical injuries but then again he is fully clothed. Something was wrong and Arthur was concerned.

"Merlin i know i usually complain about your idiotic chatter but you're too silent...what's wrong?"
It hadn't seemed like Merlin had heard him so he asked again, this time Merlin jerked back and a smile was resting on his face.
"Oh sorry Arthur, miles away, you almost sounded concerned for me."
He topped it off with a chuckle but it didn't sound right to Arthur but he didn't want to push the matter further, hoping Merlin would come to him (or anyone for that matter) if he needed.