Change Of Heart

Quinn: My Person's Gone

How dare he smile at me like that? After all of the things he said, he still chose to give me such a heartwarming smile that was also full of sadness and guilt. I could see it in his eyes. He feels guilty and just as sad as I do. I should follow him and tell him sorry. I want him back, but after knowing what he said, I don't know what to do.

I can feel rain droplets falling onto my head and I look up at the sky. Rain is so beautiful and free. It falls at its own pace and when it feels the need to. It's not afraid to cause problems for the humans down here either. It'll cause a flood if need be.

I wish I was a water droplet falling from the sky. Even though I'd die the second I hit the ground, I'd still evaporate into the sky and fall freely again. I'd be given multiple chances at life. That sounds so peaceful.

I start walking home when I hear a familiar voice. It's Jinshu.

"Hey. Quinn? Are you okay?"

"Sorry, I zoned out, but yeah, I'm fine."

"I just saw Jaden walking home and he was crying so I thought that I should come find you."

He was crying. I've never seen him cry before.

"He was crying?"

"Yeah. What, have you never seen him cry?"

"No, I haven't. He told me that he doesn't cry often and if he does then he does it in private."

Is he sadder than I am? Oh no. What have I done?

"Well, I'm sure he'll be alright. Besides, now you can be as free as you want since you're not being used by anybody."

Jinshu is right. I can be free. I can hook up with people now too. I feel a lot more confident in myself after everything that's happened. That's one thing that I can thank Jaden for.

"Jinshu, what's your ideal type?"

"That's such a sudden question, but I'll answer. I like a person who can be cute and hot at once. A person who can cook and clean with me. A person who can take care of themselves. The most important quality is their kindness though. If they aren't kind to other people then I don't think I would like them very much."

"You just described me in such detail. I find that very odd, don't you think so?"

"It is quite odd."

"Jinshu, would you like to come over to my place?"

"No. I don't want to."

"What? Why? You don't have to be scared."

"You really think I'm scared to come over to your house? No. I just don't want you thinking that I'll be your replacement for Jaden. I'm not into long term relationships."

"It's a one-night stand. After that, we can go back to just being classmates who are working on a play."

"You don't seem like the type of person who can handle one-night stands."

I roll my eyes and sigh before stopping. Jinshu stops and stands in front of me.

"Hey, Quinn, are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I'm just annoyed that you think I can't handle a one-night stand. It's just sex, okay! Oh my gosh, I'm sorry."

Jinshu sighs and puts his hands on my shoulders.

"Quinn, look. I know that you're going through a lot of different emotions right now and because of that I can't do this with you. It'd be wrong of me to come between you and Jaden. I'm not really in a place to say anything because I've hurt people way worse, but I really want to do better."

"Why are you giving me a fucking pep talk?"

"Calm down. The only reason you want to hook up with me is so that you can forget about Jaden, but we both know that it's impossible. Also, I know that you're a virgin and why would you lose your virginity to me of all people. If you're going to have sex with anyone, then it should be someone you love, and we both know who that someone is."

"But he lied Jinshu. He lied about everything."

"No, he didn't. His friends aren't the best influence and that's why Jaden was the way he was. It's true that he was going to manipulate you, but I'm the one to blame for that because he learned it from me, and his behavior changed because of me."

"What do you mean?"

"A while back, I manipulated Jaden into sleeping with me and just giving me pleasure, but I never made it official. I told him that we weren't dating yet and he had always waited for me to finally call him mine, but I never did. Instead, I told him that I used him and I never loved him and shooed him away."

"Was that Jaden's plan for me then?"

"No. Jaden isn't as cold hearted as I was. I'm sure he just wanted to get you to date him for a period of time and then break up with you in a less hurtful way when he didn't need you anymore but listen. I noticed that he started to grow a liking to you. It's very easy to tell. when you two are walking in the halls at school, he's always staring at you with loving eyes."

"Really?"

"Yeah. One time during detention, I took his phone and when I turned it on, he had a picture of you as his lock screen. I think that Jinshu started to fall for you overtime and he probably felt guilty about doing this to you. He might've been scared to tell you because of how you might act. He was afraid of this."

"Oh. So, what you're saying is that Jaden originally wanted to use me, but he ended up falling for me and feels guilty for ever trying to use me in the first place?"

"Yes."

"That still doesn't explain what he said in that video you showed me."

"About that, you didn't give me any time to explain everything after I showed you the video. You just told me to send it to you and then you ran off. In that video, Jaden was extremely drunk and high because one of his so-called friends had spiked his drink. They forced Jaden to unlock his phone and they saw you on his lock screen and then saw some of your guys' messages and they asked him who you were. Obviously, Jaden being Jaden said some stupid shit that wasn't even true. I ended the video there, but after that he said that that was his original plan, but it didn't work out because now he's madly in love."

"What? Jaden said that about me?"

"Yes. He's so madly in love with you, but are you in love with him?"

To be in love. Is that what that pounding in my chest is all the time? The weird sensation in my stomach whenever Jaden is around me. Is that love?

I smile lightly and give Jinshu a hug.

"Thank you, Jinshu. Can we please become real life best friends?"

"Really? So does that mean that you don't think I'm the weirdest of all weirdos?"

"No, you're still weird, but you're my weird friend from now on."

"Cool. I'll see you tomorrow. Good luck."

"Thanks."

I start to walk away and in the direction of Jaden's home. At first, I thought to myself, my person's gone, but now I can see that he isn't. He's still there. He's waiting for me. I'm on my way, Jaden. When I see you, I'll tell you exactly how I feel about you, and you better feel the same way.