Imperfect (Disappeared #1)

Chapter Fourteen

After dinner, everyone retired to the drawing room, furnished with large gilt-framed paintings featuring scenes from Greek myth and delicate furniture upholstered in brocade. Cecilia and Lord Merton's younger son, Philip, set to playing whist at a little table. He was not nearly as handsome as Edward but Cecilia still looked captivated. She was probably grilling him about every aspect of London she could think of. Theodosia sat on the plump settee with Edward, as she knew she was expected to do.

He turned toward her on the sofa and said in a low voice, "You know that our families think we should marry?"

His directness came as a surprise. She didn't know where to look. "Yes, I suppose that's true."

He laughed thinly. "And what do you think?"

"That it would be the best option for both of us." She looked at their mothers, who were deep in conversation on the opposite sofa. "Well, for both of our families."

"Oh come, you can speak frankly to me," Edward said, rolling his eyes. He leaned in closer. "You're famous for your directness. Don't I get to sample your famous biting humor?"

Theodosia shot him a dangerous look. "I've been warned to be on my best manners, but since you're so insistent, I'll tell you exactly what's on my mind. I feel we have little in common except for our stations and the interests of our families. I do not want to marry you."

Edward laughed for real this time, so that even his eyes smiled. "Well done! A more direct statement would be impossible."

"Why do you ask me?" she said bitterly. "Do wish that I harbored some secret love for you like half the girls in London? Is your vanity not complete?"

He chuckled. "Never. You present a challenge and I enjoy that. I'm not overly fond of being swooned over. It's too easy, you see."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "You will tire of my reserve soon enough. I put no faith in your momentary interest."

 "We shall see." He shrugged, still smiling. "You will have to like it a little bit if we are to produce an heir to my estate."

Her face colored. "What a vile thing to say," she hissed. "I'll never let you touch me, Edward Merton. You disgust me."

He leaned in close, his cold blue eyes inches from hers. "As you like. Yet we will marry. Our combined inheritances and social ties are exactly what I'm looking for. And you may be dismayed to know that I'm actually looking to marry a woman who doesn't love me. Love would just get in the way. I don't want to be saddled to some weepy woman with romantic fairytales stuffed in her head."

Theodosia locked her eyes on his. "You're a fool if you think you can just imprison me at home with the children."

"Of course not. You'll have nannies aplenty for that." He sighed and leaned back languorously. "Oh, come, Lady Theodosia. Don't be such a bore. You can do what you like at home as long as you don't embarrass me. You can go for all the tedious walks you desire. Though of course when I'm home I will expect you to organize and attend social functions."

"You're disgraceful."

He shrugged and smiled. "Does it all really sound so bad? You don't want anything to do with me. I'll probably tire of you soon enough. You'd still have your freedom, to some extent."

Theodosia sunk back into the chaise, her mind racing. On a practical level, marrying Edward Merton was a great decision. She would be the mistress of the Mertons' gorgeous estate and as a married woman she would have the freedom to take whatever walks she chose, read what she liked, and have breakfast in bed. Life would be leisurely and without the pressure of finding a husband. Her only obligation would be to provide heirs and pretend to be a perfect hostess.

Still, there was one caveat.

Theodosia leaned toward him, catching his eye. "I'd never be perfectly free, as we'd be tied to each other for life. You would never love me. And I'd be forced to play hostess, a role that will never come naturally."

Edward leaned in too, his pretty blue eyes turning cruel. "Lady Theodosia, what other option do you have? This is the best you'll ever get. You'd be a fool not to accept it — pardon my strong language. None of us are born free. We are born to particular circumstances and we make the very best of the lot we're given. Thankfully, yours will include a carriage, all the gowns you could ask for, and my parents' estate. Be happy with that." 

He chuckled suddenly. "Your mother is staring at you like a hawk. She thinks us to be deep in flirtation." He leaned forward to stroke her cheek with a forefinger. "How good you are at pretending."

Theodosia flinched and looked around. The countess was smiling broadly at her. She looked so obviously hopeful, Theodosia didn't dare contradict her. She smiled back tremulously and then returned her gaze to Edward.

"We shall play whist for the remainder of the time I am forced to remain in your presence," she hissed. "You shall not talk to me except as necessary. If you do, I shall kick you as hard as I can until your shins are quite black and blue. Am I clear?"

Edward grinned slyly. "Feisty, aren't you? I believe I shall enjoy your kicks."

Theodosia did kick him, several times, and he beat her at whist so she considered them equal. Finally, it was late enough that her mother dismissed her. She went to the nursery immediately. Louisa was in bed, sleeping. Theodosia sat by her side and stroked the curls that escaped from her nightcap. The little girl stirred.

"Where were you, Thee?" she whimpered.

Theodosia kissed her sister's freckled cheek. "We had guests tonight, darling. Lou, I had the most marvelous adventure in the woods this afternoon. You'll never guess — I stepped through a tree and ended up in a whole other world."

Louisa's fair eyelashes fluttered drowsily. "Is this my bedtime story?" she murmured. 

Theodosia smiled. "Yes, darling. And what a story it is." She whispered to her everything that had happened with the half-being and Ahuil, leaving out the part about sharing a bed. 

The little girl's breathing became deep, and after a final kiss, Theodosia left her to her dreams. It was a bit strange that no one would ever believe her about Ahuil and his world. That said, she cherished having a secret all her own. And what a secret it was.

In her chambers, Theodosia sat silently as Sarah combed out and plaited her hair and dressed her in a nightgown. Then she dismissed her maid and curled up on her window seat, a quilt over her knees as she pressed her hand to the glass, trying to connect with whatever was outside. 

A pendulous moon hung in a dark sky filled with glittering stars. Theodosia could feel the evening chill radiating through the window. On impulse, she pressed her cheek to the glass. The tender skin froze immediately, yet she didn't pull back. It was as if she had connected with something she longed to be near.

She wondered if Ahuil was under the same moon. Was his world on this earth? Or on another planet entirely? He seemed so far away. She tried to imagine him tucked into his bed, sleeping among the fireflies. 

Yet who knew if Ahuil was even real? And if so, would she ever see him again? Her heart clenched at the realization that she might not, and immediately she despised herself for how much he made her feel. Maybe she was lonelier than she had thought — perhaps she had been secretly hoping all this time that someone like Ahuil would come into her life. And now that he had, she couldn't think of anything else.

What she didn't want was to live with the memory the rest of her life. She could not let that happen, no matter the consequences. It was easy to be afraid when what we wanted most was delivered right into our laps. For then the fear of losing it was intense — so much so that some of us simply pushed it away.

Theodosia didn't want to be that person. She decided she would go back the next day and know for certain whether she could return. Edward Merton and his family could do without her for a few hours.

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