Imperfect (Disappeared #1)

Chapter Twenty-Four

Sarah came back in a tizzy. "Your bath is ready, my lady. Can you spare me a few moments? Lady Cecilia is frantic that we start on her packing immediately."

Theodosia sent her off, assuring her that she could bathe herself.

"One thing first," she said, calling Sarah back for a moment. "How long do you think I have before the countess turns her attentions to me?"

The maid smiled wryly. "Not long, my lady. Right now she's busy deciding what dresses she'll need for London, but concern for your trousseau isn't far behind. I believe you will see her soon enough."

The intense heat of the bath provided a touch of relief to Theodosia's anxious mind and seizing muscles. She plotted checking in on Louisa and her watercolors, the only welcome distraction she could think of, but after only ten minutes, Sarah was back. Blonde tendrils had escaped out of her white maid's cap and her apron looked less than crisp.

"The countess wants to review your trousseau while you dress," she said, out of breath. "Come on, my lady. There's no help for it. Let me assist you and we'll be on our way."

Theodosia submitted to vigorous scrubbing and drying before she went back to her room. Sarah barely had time to get her into a white silk dress before her mother swept in, dressed in a magnificent gold and pale blue striped dress and with a vexed look on her face.

Perching on an overstuffed wingback, she began to wring her hands. "Theodosia, you are late in dressing! We have quite the situation on our hands. We must go to London early. There's no sense in delaying. The Mertons have slipped away from us, but I have intelligence that they should return to the city in a day or two."

Theodosia sat at her dressing table so that Sarah could begin her toilette. "The season has hardly begun, Mama. Why the rush?"

The countess frowned. "You know full well the season began in May. It is June already. We are late, if anything. And I had counted on the Mertons staying for a few days so that you and Edward could get acquainted. So we shall have to go to them instead."

Lady Stafford rose and began to pace. "I assured you I would do everything in my power to secure your future, my dear. And I will not fail you!"

Theodosia tried to tamp down the anger she felt building inside. "I gather my marriage to Mr. Merton is certain then?"

Her mother moved to Sarah's side and observed her as she braided. "I do like this hairstyle, but it's a little outdated. Lady Theodosia must have the most fashionable looks for the season. You have been studying the latest drawings?"

"I have, my lady."

"I imagine. You have a good hand, Sarah. We will rely on your skill in the city. It is of the upmost importance."

"Mama!" exploded Theodosia, her face coloring with anger. "Mr. Merton - am I to marry him?"

"Yes, Theodosia, of course." The countess looked at her severely in the mirror. "You have known it for some time. Why this question?"

Theodosia turned about abruptly, causing Sarah to start. "Because I do not like Mr. Merton or wish to marry him. That you know. And yet this charade continues. Can you please explain to me why?"

Her mother's elegant brows drew in. "What words, Theodosia! Don't be ungrateful. We have discussed this before. You must marry well or suffer the consequences."

"Then I will suffer the consequences!"

The countess drew herself up. "Sarah, please leave us," she said quietly.

Sarah scurried out, needing no further encouragement. The countess's face grew thunderous as she looked down at her middle daughter. "Theo! You shame me. What would you rather: live your days in this house as a spinster, a burden to all, or marry far beneath you and live in reduced circumstances? Those are your only options! If you do not see that, then you aren't as smart as I thought. There is no third option. You will do as I say and marry Mr. Merton."

Theodosia stood up. "I will not! There must be a fourth option, because I refuse to accept the three given to me."

"Then you are a fool!" Her mother glared at her. "You think you are some kind of revolutionary, throwing off the shackles of a system designed to constrain you. Yet the smartest of us know that they are not shackles but guides to keep us happy. Are you so silly as to think you know better than the rest of us?"

Theodosia had never seen her mother so angry. Then again, she had never felt so angry herself, either. She stood, defiant, and stared straight back at her mother without giving an inch.

"I am not the rest of you," Theodosia returned. "Your guides do not work for me. I will never shame you, Mama, but I will never let you live my life for me, either. I will have something different no matter what it takes."

The countess's eyes bulged as if they would burst out of their sockets. Suddenly, the life drained out of her face and she collapsed into the wingback chair. She buried her face in her hands and sighed heavily.

"Theo, Theo, oh, my stubborn child. Even as a little girl you were like a changeling. Sometimes I thought I would have to tie you up to stop you from racing into the fields to chase butterflies, catch frogs, or splash in streams in your silks and satins."

She sighed again. "I eventually gave up and had you only in brown muslins. You would not change despite the scolding of your nannies and many strong words from me. It was as if you had found fairies in those fields and they had given you citizenship there. I prayed to God that once you became older, dreams of balls, theatre, and dancing would fill your head and dispel those fairies. I was wrong, I see."

Theodosia felt the weight of the world on her heart. Her eyes pricked as shame flooded over her. "I'm sorry that I'm not what you expected me to be," she said in a low voice.

Her mother got up. She gently pushed Theodosia back into her chair and began pinning up the braids Sarah had made. The two of them were silent as she did this. Then the countess selected a delicate silver locket from Theodosia's jewelry box and drew it around her daughter's neck.

"Darling, I know we're not all the same," Lady Stafford said. "Yet we must fit within narrow limits. Some of us find this easier than others. It is through no fault of your own that you were born different. But you must learn to conform for your own comfort, Theo. Otherwise your life will be too hard. Go for your walks. Find your outlets. But marry Mr. Merton and secure your future as it was destined for you. Struggling against it will only breed suffering."

The tears pricking at Theodosia's eyes threatened to fall. Her mother kissed her head and placed her delicate hands on her daughter's broad shoulders.

"You're beautiful in your own way, Theo. You lack only social grace. Develop that in London and you will find yourself with all the friends and acquaintances you will need to make your married life happy. The woods are lonely, and London is full of women who will help you feel at home in life. Do you understand?"

Theodosia took a deep breath. She could not bear to look into her mother's eyes and lie to her. To say: Yes, Mama. I understand. I will do as you say.

She could not submit, not after going to Ahuil's world and realizing what was lacking in her life - freedom. Better to look away and say nothing.

A tragedy was in the making. Theodosia felt it deep in her bones.

"I will take that as a yes," her mother said in a stern voice. The gong rang for dinner. "Time to go down. Oh, and make no mention of this to your poor father. He is anxious for your union with Mr. Merton and is not aware of any impediment. Let's not disappoint him."

If Theodosia could not be the sweet, buoyant daughter her parents wanted that night, she at least managed to keep her opinions to herself. She ate and kept silent. At least to her father, that indicated that her will was aligned with his. As if she had never wanted anything but to please others.

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