Imperfect (Disappeared #1)

Chapter Twenty-Three

Sarah let Theodosia in the servants' entrance at the back of the manor house. Her eyes traveled with amazement over her mistress' rumpled dress, her messy braids, and the grass stains on her sleeves where Theodosia had fallen out of the baobab tree and onto the ground.

"Oh, my lady, what happened? Are you quite all right? You were gone so very long today. Thank heavens Lady Stafford is otherwise occupied."

Theodosia merely stood there, bent over her knees, wheezing as she tried to catch her breath. She had run the entire way back. She thought maybe she could outrun the anxiety, desperation, and deep sense of loss that hounded her. She was wrong.

Being back in Helenshire made her anguish so much worse. She didn't know what had happened to Ahuil, she couldn't help him, and given how difficult it had been to come through, it was possible she would never be able to go back.

"Breathe, my lady. Is everything quite all right?"

Theodosia attempted a nod. It took a moment to collect herself and realize that the maids were dashing in and out of the servant's hall and that the bell from her mother's bedroom was ringing furiously.

She struggled to bring herself into the present moment, away from visions of rushing darkness and the look on Ahuil's face before she disappeared.

"I assure you I'm quite well," she managed. "What's happening?"

Sarah's pink face looked unusually pinched. "Lady Stafford has decided we should all be at the London house within the next couple of days. We're in a bit of a tizzy trying to prepare, as you can see."

Theodosia nearly bent over double again. It was as if the air had been sucked right out of her. To London? In two days? She thought she had more time. She looked up to see Sarah staring at her anxiously.

"Why?" Theodosia stuttered, trying to right herself. "It's just the beginning of the season. We never leave this early. Why would she insist we go there now?"

Sarah shrugged helplessly. "The Mertons' departure has her in quite the state, I'm afraid. They are due back to London shortly and the countess wishes to be there upon their return. In any event, we were to be in London within the month anyway. Lady Stafford feels there's no sense in delaying the trip, given the urgency of the situation."

 "I'm afraid by 'situation' you mean my impending engagement to Edward Merton." Theodosia tried to take a deep breath but the air didn't seem to be getting in.

"My lady, are you sure you're all right? I've never seen you so vexed before. Should I call the doctor?"

"No, Sarah, please don't. I suppose I was running too much and I exhausted myself."

Sarah took her by the arm firmly. "If you say so. Why don't we get you back to your room so you can have a bit of a rest."

Theodosia headed up the stairs carefully while leaning on her trusty maid. There was more commotion upstairs. Servants scuttled to and fro as they began to shut up minor rooms, give the silverware a last polish, clean out hearths, roll away rugs, and draw the drapes. Theodosia knew, though, that the busiest people in the whole house would be Lane, the butler, who orchestrated all their moves, and Jane, her mother's maid. Poor Jane would likely be knee deep in dresses at that very moment as her mother anxiously selected what to wear for the London season.

Theodosia wanted nothing to do with any of it: dresses, London, or the season. All she could think about was that last second before she had disappeared and Ahuil had said Don't come back.

Is that really what he had said? How could he ask her to stay at one moment and then later demand she never return? She knew she was in danger in his world but if he truly cared for her, wouldn't he want her there more than anything?

At least her room was an oasis of calm and quiet. She could think there. Sarah stripped off her dishevelled clothes and retreated to draw her a bath. Theodosia sat quietly at her window seat, looking out over the estate where the last brilliant rays of daylight were fading. Helenshire was all tranquility, but Theodosia's heart still beat fast. Somewhere, Ahuil was fighting for his life, hurt, or worse.

Theodosia pushed away the thought of that last possibility. Such a thing wasn't allowed to happen — she had to see him again. 

What nonsense, Theodosia, she thought. You can't see him again. It's time to face reality, go to London, and get engaged to Edward Merton.

She buried her face in her hands, trying to shut out that reality. Marry Edward? Never see Ahuil again? This was as if saying to herself, You can never feel at home or be happy, ever, in your life. And you will have to be content with that.

At that moment, reality seemed almost too painful to bear. Theodosia had tried to imagine this before, the moment when she would be forced to accept her fate. Some part of her had believed it would never happen, because she didn't think she could stand it. And yet here she was, living it, and it was just as difficult as she had thought it would be.

Despite that, a very small part of Theodosia felt proud, too. Her heart was breaking, but she was still standing. Taking a deep breath, she raised her face and looked out the window again. Somehow it would still come out all right. Somehow.

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Things are getting tense, eh? <takes deep breath>

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