Don't worry, I'm here [Markiplier x M! reader]

Chapter 11 - Panic Attack

[small tw, s3lf h&rm scars mention, panic attack, mentions of ab*se]

We got back to the hotel, went back up to our room

"I'm just going to take a shower real quick, then we can watch some movies and cuddle, is that ok?" I ask

"Of course that's ok! Take your time" he smiles at me "real quick, what movie do you want to watch? I'll set it up for when you come out of the shower"

"Hmm... how about... how to train your dragon?" I suggest

"Oh that's a good movie, alright have a good shower, ima set it up now!" Mark says excitedly

I smile at him then grab some clothes to put on after the shower, as well as a grey towel
The clothes I grabbed are simply some random cormfort clothes, a f/c sweater and black sweatpants
Nothing special, considering we aren't going anywhere else today
And honestly I kind of just want to go home, today was really stressful and I just want to get into my own bed and sleep with all my stuffed animals
I walk towards the bathroom and open the door walking in there, and start stripping my clothes not bothering to lock the door
Looking in the mirror I notice my old self harm scars and trace over them, I sigh and look away from my body in the mirror and put my dirty clothes in the corner and my clean clothes as well as my towel on the random chair that is in there

I step in the shower and turn it on, immediately feeling the warmth of the water, feeling like I'm standing outside in the rain on a summer day
Grabbing some shampoo and conditioner, I start lathering my h/c (hair colour) hair with it
Soap suds run down my body as my hair gets wetter
I used to hate the feeling of soap, which is very odd but it made me feel very gross, but I've slowly been getting used to the feeling
I start to wash my body, and as my hand rubs over my old scars those memories flash before me

My mind starts to race, accidentally thinking of all the times my 'father' or my ex would hit me resulting in me hurting myself because of how worthless I felt
I slid down the wall slowly, started holding my knees to my chest and started rocking back and forth slowly while i feel the difference of tears rolling down my face and water hitting my face with an almost clear distinction

"It's ok it's ok it's ok..." I whisper to myself

Trying to distract myself from the memories, I start thinking of Mark
His love for me so much stronger than those stupid memories
And it showed today, and even before all this, he was showing his love and care for me all the time
He's saved me, and he makes me so happy
I can feel myself growing calmer and I just sit there for a little while until I slowly stand up to continue washing my body, but skip over my scars in case it happens again

Turning off the water and getting out of the shower, I quickly dry myself off as well as my hair to the best of my ability and change into the sweater and sweatpants
I go out of the bathroom and look at Mark on his phone playing a random mobile game and getting pissed at an ad that popped up which made me laugh which in turn made him turn his head towards me

"Helloooo, how was your shower?" He asked and smiled, completely forgetting about the mobile game

"It was... good" I lied, well, half lied, it was ok aside from the random panic attack but I'm not telling him that

He looked at me puzzled, it seems he saw through my lie "are you sure?"

"Yeah don't worry!" I smile at him

"Alright well let's watch the movie" he responds, but still seems a small bit worried about me

I sit down next to him on his bed, but he pulls me into his lap and we cuddle as the movie starts
Even though I only just sat down I could feel myself falling asleep in his arms
And I think he realized that because he put a blanket on me and kissed the top of my head

"If you want to sleep we can, we don't have to watch a movie" he looks down at me

"No no it's ok, you can watch, I just feel a little tired for some reason"

"Well what if I just want to cuddle with you? Hmmm?" He chuckled and then ruffled my hair

"Then you caaan! But you can also still watch the movie if you still want too" I shake my head after he stops ruffling my hair, then fix my hair

"Hm well I think I wannaaaa..." he jokingly ponders "cuddle and sleep with you!" He says while sounding and looking like a cute little golden retriever
I chuckle at him and say "fineee"

He turns off the tv and starts getting comfortable in his bed while still holding me
His thumb strokes my cheek as he smiles at me

"I love you y/n" he whispers
"I love you too Mark" i stare into his beautiful brown eyes

Suddenly his lips meet mine, but when he kisses me, he is so soft and gentle with me
His hand is holding my cheek as his soft lips continue to grace mine, and my hands move up to his hair as I play with it gently as to not tangle it
He pulls away and I nuzzle my face into his chest as I start falling asleep, the happiest I've ever been

[word count: 976]