CARNIVORE [MxM+]

Chapter 4

Alexei Abbots.

At this point, I've lost track of what I actually feel.

It had been so long since I had actually not been okay, since I had regressed. Salem won't be pleased. But hey, I think this counts as an excuse. 

Everything just felt like it hurt. I don't think it actually hurt, because he didn't kick me in the chest or stab my heart, but it felt like it. I had never even met the guy but all it took was a fuckin' punch for him to steal what little my body actually had of my soul. But it hurts, and it hurts a lot but I don't know why and I don't actually know if I can feel hurt. It's like something else is telling me to feel this way so of course, I listen because little old Alexei can't think for himself, and I abide by the rules that are set in stone; the rules are nonnegotiable, almost like they're carved in my ribs so I'll never lose them. They tell me I'm hurt so I am, and as much as I hate the rules I can't help but be grateful for a bit of guidance right now. And they're telling me I'm in pain, so that could explain why it took so much effort for a steady breath, much less the next one and the one after that. For a second that panic rushes back in and I think that maybe I can't actually breathe, that maybe my lungs just don't want to work anymore. But I bite it all down because I don't really think I feel anything, so I tell myself to get up because it doesn't matter. So I get up.

I don't know how much time has actually passed since my incident with Tycho Black but it couldn't have been long considering someone would have probably noticed me laying on the sidewalk. That, and the coffee burning at the skin on my arms was still hot enough to get my attention from time to time. I'm sort of thankful Riley's coffee didn't have any sugar in it because I hate the sticky feeling. Oh God, Riley. 

I gotta get home. 

I set off walking and I pray it isn't obvious something happened. The last thing I want is questions from the two men in my life who I know would never drop the subject until it's dealt with. I haven't even checked my face. I fish out my phone from my jeans pocket and lift it to my face. I examine myself through it and sure enough, there's already a dark blotch forming on the underside of my right cheekbone. That's not the only new thing. I kind of guessed it would happen, I just hoped it wouldn't. Fractures in the phone's screen spread across its entirety like a spiderweb, and I'm thankful I now have a permanent reminder as to what happened. Can't hide that either. 

Knowing Xavier he'll have it replaced instantly and that'll just make me feel worse. 

I cross the street to get to the neighborhood we live in, and even though we live 6 houses down, I see Riley on the front steps of our little modern home. He's worried. But it can't be for me. 

As soon as I'm a house away he's already walking steadily towards me, and from his expression, I can tell I was right. He was driving himself through the roof being concerned for me. Upon seeing my face, his eyes immediately widen, and in an instant he's in front of me, holding the sides of my head close to his.

"What happened, Alexei? The fuck happened?" He starts scanning me from head to toe looking for anything else out of place. My reply gets lodged in my throat because of the unexpected wave of sorrow that hits me in full force. I don't even know how he seemed to know something bad happened. He seemed to read my mind.

"I knew something was wrong with you at the coffee shop, Al, I'm not stupid. I also know you, So I know you leave five to ten minutes after eleven," he looked down and slightly bit his lip, indicating he was getting emotional. And when he talked this time, he was quieter than before. 

"You didn't answer my phone calls. You always do." His voice broke and before I knew it he had launched himself into my arms and I could do nothing but hold us both up (just barely). After a minute or two of getting my hair wet from his tears, I finally gathered to courage to speak.