CARNIVORE [MxM+]

Chapter 35

TW for some no-no words 

Tycho Black.

I can't leave my room. I can't think about leaving my room. I can't go towards my door. I can't exist outside of it. I can't.

It's been twenty-eight hours since I hurt Alexei again. I don't think I'm safe. Out there or in here. I don't think I'm safe out there because of Jason. He lives here now. But I don't think I'm safe in here either- because something whispers to me at night. It's the same thing that takes hold of my legs and arms as soon as I approach the door. I don't know what it is but it's not just fear anymore. It's worse. It's oppressive. I can't breathe when it's here. I can't exist.

My body is against me. My throat is close to closing up from how dry it is. My stomach and bladder are at a painful stage, begging to be relieved. I thought about using the window to go to the bathroom in the woods or something but I couldn't risk that either. He could be waiting out there too. He got to my mother. He won't get to me. 

Sometimes I hear more than one whisper at night. There's a voice that sits outside my door, one I don't recognize. But it's kind. It tells me nice things- it tells me how wonderful the outside world is, and how much I'm missed in it. I think that voice is lying to me. Nothing misses me because there isn't anything but Jason who knows I exist. I try to listen to that voice anyway but the other one pulls me back into the corner of the room so I can rot away. I don't want to rot away.

Hours pass. The pain has become unbearable, so I act before I think. I look out the window above my bed. The rain is gone, but frost crawls up the glass from the window's corners. I crack the window, and cold air seeps through in waves. Before I know it my skin is covered in goosebumps and my breath condenses in the air. A shiver racks its way through my body, causing me to wrap my arms around my chest in instinct. I move towards the window but I can hear it. It's back already, and its telling me this is the worst mistake I've ever made because this isn't one I can fix.

It tells me that if I leave, I will die. But I can't live like this. I won't live like this. 

I grab the bottom of the window and pull it upward. It gets even colder than before, and the wind is finally able to surge its way through the room. The shivering is worse now, but I ignore it and grab the little bit of cash I still have from when I bought his last fix of alcohol. I know what I need to do.

My journey is quick. My first stop is the woods for obvious reasons. Then I make my to the convenience store. The rational side of me is saying, buy some food! But I know what I need. I walk out with another case of beer for Jason and a gallon of water. The water was cheap enough that Jason wouldn't notice the missing money. 

The water doesn't last long. It's gone by the time I get back. Curiosity gets the best of me and I find myself searching through the front windows of the house for signs of Jason. Oddly enough, he isn't in front of the TV, and his truck isn't there. Horror strikes me when I realize where he must be. He must've left to look for me because he found out I got away. 

I curse, praying that wasn't the actual reason he wasn't here. I can't begin to imagine how mad he would be if that were the case. I push it out of my mind and make it back into my room.

Once I'm inside with the window locked again, I can finally calm down. I sit, letting myself sigh out the stress. As soon as my butt hits my bed, exhaustion makes itself known. I remember I hadn't slept at all the last few days. But I can't sleep. Not when he's out there. Not when I'm not safe.

I'm sat at my desk again, the beer in front of me. I snort at the deja vu I experience. 

I find myself staring at the twelve-pack and thinking about actually taking a sip from one. I can almost taste the drink again, the putrid smell and terrible aftertaste assaulting my senses. I cringe at the thought of ever drinking again, yet find my hands drifting forward. Before I knew it, The cardboard was torn open and a drink was in my hand. It didn't take long for the other night to repeat the same way.