CARNIVORE [MxM+]

Chapter 34

I apologize in advance for how bad this chapter is going to be. I am sooooo fucking sick right now and my eyes burn like crazy so I have the brightness on my laptop at one to accommodate, except that means I can't see spelling errors well. 

Forgive me.

Tycho Black.

Nothing. I'm amounting to nothing. 

I sighed out my feeling of defeat to the best of my ability. It didn't work well. 

When I left yesterday I went where my feet took me. I drifted for what felt like hours, ignoring everything that existed past my mind. I felt nothing and saw nothing. I didn't hear, taste, or feel anymore. I wasn't me, and my body had a mind of its own. I was glad the three left me alone. They probably thought I could use the me-time. Sick laughter echoed through my head at the thought. Whatever laughed seemed to mock me.

 Who the fuck are you kidding? They don't care. 

I didn't end up outside of my house yesterday. Instead, I landed a block away from it- the convenience store where I'd buy Jason's beer. A flicker of light almost jolted my conscience when I recognized where I was, but my body kept control. It was automatic: I stepped inside and made my way to the coolers in the back of the store. I bent down and grabbed a case of Jason's favorite beer that he'd swear was the best on this earth (even though it tasted like literal shit) and drifted to the front counter. 

Surprisingly, it wasn't the face I remembered behind the counter. It was a new, older guy, with wrinkles around his eyes and on his cheeks, and thinning hair that you could barely see from the front. He was short and bent, years of something like factory work contorting his body into something broken. He gave me a once-over through the wiry glasses perched on his nose then didn't hesitate to ask me for some ID. I was so used to not being carded I completely forgot. 

My body laughed at his request, but it was almost as if it didn't register in my brain. My mouth told him that I hadn't been carded in a long time. He chuckled with me but was visibly skeptical. I reached into my front pocket and felt for my wallet, surprised to feel it there. I didn't remember grabbing it before I left the house. 

I handed it to him along with some money, and he sent me on my way. But before I met the sliding doors I turned around.

"What happened to that other kid who used to work here, Sir?"

He seemed to think for a moment. I knew the moment he remembered who I was talking about because his face became bitter. "Oh, him. He was fired for selling alcohol to the underage. He was never hard-working, that boy. I never wanted to hire him in the first place, but his mother begged me. I can't say no to her."

Now that I actually laughed at. 

When I got back to Alexei's house, I found it quiet. The lights in some rooms were still left on but nobody kept them warm. I kicked the moisture off my shoes at the entrance and expected to be flooded with fake tenderness and love, but they weren't even in the living room. In fact, the house was so desolate and dark that the only reason I knew they were here was because their cars were parked in the front. I forced all thoughts of them from my mind and headed toward my bedroom. 

As I twisted the knob, life suddenly came back to me. That stupor was gone, and my heart dropped at the thought of what I was about to do. I tended to avoid alcohol for a few reasons- one, I hallucinated depending on how much I drank. And two, it reminded me too much of Jason. And I never wanted to think about him again. 

I entered the room and locked the door behind me. I set the twelve-pack onto my desk, ignoring the various assignment papers it crushed in the process. I pulled out a chair and sat in front of it. My mind began to race, the cowardice in me trying to give any reason to not do this. But the last thing I needed to do right now was think.