Last Straw

Line In The Sand

Our plane ran behind from the weather in Bahrain and in spite of literally hitting the ground running I'm late to girls breakfast, but mercifully I spy Carmen and Elsa still missing Amelia at the couches the moment I walk in.

Whew, thank fuck I'm not last. I hate being late but I was up until the crack of dawn talking with Max, a bad habit of ours of late.

"Morning," I great them with a smile and hugs all around, taking a seat opposite Carmen and next to Elsa on the couches.

"You match the couches." Carmen teases warmly, but she's dead right. Black on black and white stripes I nearly look like I belong here. It's so damn hot in Spain I went for my most airy clothes, or lack there of.

"We love a monochrome moment." I joke in return as Amelia rushes in frantically to join us.

"Finally!" Carmens voice drips with sarcasm and Amelia smirks slyly.

"Charles took his time this morning." She's positively glowing, no wonder.

Well well, a worthy reason to be late in my opinion. I haven't gotten any in months at this point, thanks to my MIA boyfriend. Thank fuck for my trusty vibrator or I'd been losing it at the moment.

Elsa sighs like the world is on her shoulders, changing the vibe of the breakfast in an instant. "So Daniel wants to go see where she is buried."

Buried?

Holy hell I missed something.

She looks to me as if she read my mind "We lost a child year before." Pain is etched into her face.

I can't believe we're driving straight in like this, but I'm flattered to be so trusted. I can't imagine the pain that she went through so I hold her knee in consolation.

Elsa grants me a thankful smile, and Carmen speaks "Do you want us to come with you?"

"I don't think so... it should just be us."

"Promise you will call us if you need anything?" Amelia insists, and I can tell looking at her those aren't just words on a whim but every bit true.

These girls have a veritable sisterhood.

"On to lighter topics, tell us how you got Max so entranced with you!" Amelia turns to a lighter topic for them but definitely not for me.

"We're just friends." I insist, although interesting choice of words she picked.

Entraced?

Not the word I would use. The man treats me like a sister.

"Friends who fuck?" Elsa teases and a full on blush rises to my cheeks.

"No way!" I protest, knowing full and well the thought has crossed my mind before "I have a boyfriend."

Amelia snorts and Carmen frowns. "What?" I turn to Elsa for some defense but find none.

"I had one when I met Charles." Amelia slyly sips her coffee. By their faces alone I can tell every woman at this table doubts me.

Hell, I'm starting to doubt myself.

Do I like Max?

Maybe.

There's certainly a spark with him I can't put my finger on.. but he's been clear since the night we met that we're only friends. The guy literally laughed when I thought the was trying to sleep with me.

Yeah, just friends. Just friends with one wildly attracted to the other but he doesn't need to know that. Right?

"Is he good to you, this boyfriend?" Elsa asks, clearly on Amelia's team.

Is he good to me? Lately he barely talks to me.

Carmen pips up, looking sympathetic before the words even leave her mouth "Didn't I read an article about him crashing your car recently?"

"You and half of the world it seems," I sip my coffee as I debate spilling my guts to them or not. What do I have to lose? "I'll be honest... He's using. Things aren't good between us. So fragile it's barely hanging on."

Tears prickle my eyes at the confession, words I haven't dared to say aloud to anyone else. For some odd reason I feel safe doing so with these girls and one can only hope this doesn't also make the press. Deep down I think I know there's no chance of that happening with them.

It's a refreshing change of pace from new york socialites, thats for sure. I couldn't trust half of them as far as I could throw them before what we chatted about hit the papers.

Elsa turns to me, tossing an arm around me in comfort "I'm sorry love. I know how rough that can be." The look in her eye telling me addiction is something she is all too familiar with.

Something about the moment giving me permission to break down the walls, "It's terrible. The man I love... Is hardly there anymore," And the tears start to flow, I can't keep it in anymore "And I feel like I can't leave him because what is love if it runs away when things get tough?"

There's no judgment at the table, only support as I break down the hardest parts of my life. It feels like going to therapy and somehow emerging with friends and a meal as well. Carmen puts a nurturing hand on my knee. "Sweetie, you can't live your life for someone else."

"Sometimes, addiction.. it," Elsa chooses her words carefully "It takes away the person you knew forever. If he can't help himself at some point you'll have to choose to help yourself."

Her words reverberate all the way down to my soul, ringing true.

If he can't help himself... At some point I need to choose me. Need to choose my wellbeing. That point has probably passed, but I still need to draw a line in the sand somewhere. Need to protect myself.

"We're not pressuring you," Amelia chimes in "We only want to see you thrive. Whatever that looks like."

And I believe her.

Sometimes friendship is telling the hard truths, like in this moment. In the span of one breakfast it feels like I've been invited into their sisterhood, and even if it was only because of Max I'm grateful regardless. I've made enough trips around the sun to know how rare something like this is.

By the time breakfast ends it's safe to say it was one of the heaviest of my life, emotionally. Yet somehow still good. Made even better when Amelia asks if we want to go shopping. If there's one way to lighten the day it's a little retail therapy and I'm more than up for it, we all are.

Maybe Lance was right, this season is a welcome change of pace for me.

I'm finally starting to feel like I fit here.

Like I always have.