the reality of brutality TOKYO GHOUL FANFICTION Amon x akira

beautiful melody

I no longer felt any attachment to these despicable creatures that infested this planet and the revolting society they created. I saw each of these creatures as unique individuals but inside they all lusted and craved something, which made them quite identical in some ways. Each of them -myself included- yearned for power. Just a taste of the addictive, terribly lethal substance sent some spiraling into the claws of hell just for more. Power over others, power over themselves. There was nothing more on this Earth than a struggle for efficient power. I refused to rot in such a place, a place where everyone worked only for the benefit of themselves. Such is human nature and inevitable. Life itself was selfish in its own form and nothing more. Every good deed on this Earth had a self-serving purpose, there was no such thing as a truly selfless act. Everything in this life disgusted me. The type of people in it, their actions and inactions, their shameful sense of morality and yet most people went about their day like the world was flowers and sunshine rather than the deterioration and misfortune that goes unnoticed and passed under their noses on a day-to-day basis. Those who deemed themselves good people but did no good, despite being granted the opportunity to do such, and so often.

I rotted in this ugly world, ruled by greed, ignorance and violence. Such a hideous world. I had given up trying to see the beauty of this life while it reeks of rot and decay. This world was lined with false hope and riddled with grief and loss. I felt a hatred just as strong towards myself. I strongly loathed myself for possessing the very qualities which corrupted my life and those of endless, voiceless others. I no longer lived in this life, I decayed in it. I traded my freedom and sanity for the bare minimum of life. I was caught inside a system that did nothing but abuse me for my endless toil. This life had no value or meaning, the days were long and redundant. I had lost sense of the world and why I was in it.

My cynicism had consumed me at that point, everything I felt was a projection of my own suppressed hatred that manifested as superficial apathy. I was led into another room with a bag over my head - so this was it. This was the moment I would be blessed with my final wish. I scorned and cursed this world, I hoped that following my absence it would eventually descend into the true hideousness it was and everything be lost in its endless tempests of hatred and destruction. I was kicked to my knees and forced to hunch over. I had no idea how ghouls were executed in a professional setting. They removed the bag and allowed me to raise my head to become aware of my surroundings. I froze immediately and my eyes widened, my breath suddenly caught in my throat with suffocating ferocity. Above me stood First Class Investigator Amon Koutaro.

I immediately lowered my head and closed my eyes, my teeth clenched. It had been 3 months since I had seen him. I was so overcome with emotions I didn't know how to feel. Elation at our reunion? Sadness that I would never experience the privilege of living life with him again? Guilty that it was me who had decided to abandon him all that time ago? Mostly what I felt was shame. Deep, thick, smothering shame. I was ashamed of everything that had happened, everything I did, I was ashamed he could see me in the lowest dilapidation of my life. I didn't want him to see such an ugly, tattered and denuded side of me. I refused to look at him. He was silent and serious as always. He kneeled to touch me, brushing the hideous hair from my face and observing the devastation months of abuse had tolled on me.

"No, it's not Akira," he finally said. Despite what I had sworn myself I couldn't help but silently choke. In my dreams I still had my precious Amon, but now in reality I had lost even him, the last thing I had left. He paused again. "This is Akira Mado, but the real Akira I knew had ferocity and ambition in her eyes, not brokenness and emptiness." My eyes snapped open and widened, again my breath was caught in my throat. Wait, what? He knelt beside me again and tilted my face up to look at him, I shut my eyes immediately and cringed, I was so ashamed of myself, how could I face him with who I was now? "Akira," he whispered, his voice soft and soothing. "We're going home."