Falling Free

-Twenty Three-

Ollie had managed to get Niamh to agree to go to his home for the evening while Alfie continued on his violent war path, trying to find out which of his men could be trusted and those who couldn't. Alfie ignored Ollie's multiple pleas for him to go to Niamh and speak to her about what had happened at the house, insisting that sorting out her safety was the most important thing and that she would understand. However, Ollie wasn't so sure.

It was the middle of the night when Alfie finally turned up, knocking quietly so he didn't wake up the children, seemingly somewhat calmer and in clean clothes. Ollie opened the door to let him in with an expression on his face that told Alfie he wasn't happy with him and Karina came bounding the stairs just in time to see Alfie hanging up his coat on the stand in the hallway.

"Where's Niamh?" he asked.

"Oh, you wanna see Niamh now do you?" Karina muttered, folding her arms across her chest and glaring at him. "'Cause she could have done with you being here hours ago, Alfie."

"I explained to Ollie why I had to-"

"Shut up," she spat. "I know you like to be the boss of everyone but this is my house and I'm in charge here, so if you wanna see your wife you'll shut up and listen to what I have to say."

"Alright," Alfie nodded curtly, feeling momentarily like he was a young boy being told off by his mum again.

"Good," Karina muttered. "Ollie told me what's been going on. I haven't told Niamh because it's not my place and you can have the pleasure of doing that for yourself, but I know and I understand that you must be in a state right now, Alfie. I know it because I know you and I know that you love that woman to pieces, and the thought of losing her terrifies you more than anything else. And I understand that you want to make sure there are people around you and her that are trustworthy, especially after what happened last night. But, and this is a big fucking but– pardon my swearing– she needed you tonight. She watched you do what you did to that poor boy and she's been up in our bed crying her eyes out all night. She wanted to go back to bloody Birmingham because she was so upset and instead of comforting her and apologising and explaining, you left her to just replay it over and over again," she poked Alfie in the chest hard. "You left her when she needed you and I wouldn't blame her if she didn't want to lay eyes on you again after this."

"Karina," Alfie sighed.

"Karina nothing," she growled. "You're a bad man, Alfie Solomons. We all know you're a bad man. We know what you do; I know what my Ollie is caught up in but I don't judge you for it. Other people might, but they let it go because you're one of us and you take care of the community. I can accept the fact that you kill and you deceive and do all manner of awful things, Ollie as well, but I will not accept what you did tonight. I will not accept that you believed leaving your wife was the right thing to do and I'm so angry at you, I could punch you in the face. You're so fucking selfish sometimes, Alfie, and I hope you're ashamed of yourself and I-"

"Karina."

Her angry tirade came to an abrupt halt when Niamh's quiet voice sounded from the middle of the staircase. They all turned to look at her and Alfie's heart lurched painfully when he saw her puffy red rimmed eyes and the almost sickly pale pallor of her skin.

"Niamh," he murmured, reaching for her and swallowing down the lump in his throat when she backed away from him.

"I will talk to you, Alfie," she said, chewing on her lip as she tried not to cry again. "Because I think I deserve to know what's going on and I want to hear it from you."

Alfie nodded, eyeing Karina warily as she moved out of the way to let him up the stairs and not before giving him another filthy look.

"You call down if you need us, ok?" she told Niamh.

"Thanks Karina."

.... .... .... ....

"And that's it."

Niamh huffed out a humourless laugh and frowned at Alfie.

"That's it?" she muttered. "You make it sound so simple. But that's not it, is it? Because you know what, Alfie, I can almost understand your plan to get one over on my entire family. I can't be angry at you for it in fact because it's something Tommy would do himself. I shouldn't be angry at you because you didn't go through with it. But I am angry- in fact, no I'm not, I'm hurt- that you lied to me about it. You swore to me that it was just silly business with Sabini and you-"

"I didn't wanna worry you, Niamh," his hands itched to reach for her as she sat on the end of the bed looking at him as though he was someone she didn't know.

"You lied to me, Alfie."

"Because I fucking love you!" His raised voice brought about a cry from the baby who was asleep at the end of the bed in his cot. Alfie had forgotten he was even there, and Niamh picked him up and cradled him against her chest, making him settle instantly and before his parents downstairs had even heard another peep from him. "I love you and I didn't want you to be scared."

"Well I am scared, Alfie. I'm scared of what's happening. I'm not scared of what you did this afternoon; I was shocked and I was horrified but I wasn't scared. How could I be coming from a family like mine? But I am scared I can't trust you anymore."

"Niamh," his voice cracked as he stood up and took her face in his hands. "I made a fuckin' mistake in not tellin' you; I admit that, yeah, but it won't happen again."

She didn't answer. Not immediately anyway. She walked away from Alfie to stand by the window where the moonlight was pouring through. She looked at Alfie and then looked down at the baby in her arms, rubbing a hand across his soft spattering of dark hair. Closing her eyes, a tear dribbled down her cheek and she rested it on top of the baby's head, breathing in his smell. The smell of innocence.

"I thought I was pregnant, you know," she murmured, her eyes still closed. She could feel rather than see the frown on Alfie's face as he sat down on the end of the bed with a thump. "My monthly was late and I was so certain. Just this morning I lay in bed looking at you and wondering what it would be like; what you would be like as a father. I was scared and excited all at once to tell you so I waited to tell you another time; when I was more sure or when I'd wrapped my own head around the idea. But it doesn't matter now because it's not real. I'm not pregnant."

"Not now you're not," Alfie's voice was strangely pained. "But it'll happen and when it does this won't hurt anymore."

"No," she shook her head, placing the baby back in his crib and covering him with a blanket. "It doesn't hurt. It did but now I'm glad of it because I don't want a baby with a man I can't trust, Alfie. And I'm not even sure I'll ever be able to trust you again."