How to Love an Alpha

Chapter 19

<*Unedited*>

It wasn't hard to walk away from the commemoration ceremony like I'd anticipated. Instead, it was easy. It was easy to leave my sadness behind me. I decided, just as I was standing and looking up at the rain, that I wouldn't fall into depression again. I was going to go after the rogue pack's alpha. Maybe not that day. Heck, maybe not even that year, but eventually, I'd get him. So, rather than leaving with tears, I left with determination.

***

At my house, it was clear that I needed some sleep after I looked in the mirror. My eyes were red and my cheeks were flushed of colour. I sighed and left the bathroom. I went into the kitchen, opened the fridge, and pulled out a coke. I cracked it open and sat on a bar stool by the breakfast bar.

Victoria approached, Sage in her arms.

"Kenzie?" She wondered, noticing I was up and around. "What are you... you're not upstairs?" She inquired, stammering on her words.

I bit my bottom lip. "No." I whispered. "I'm just, well, trying to handle Zeke's passing better than I did when I thought Gabe was gone." I admitted. "I know how hard I was on everyone else. It's too late to make it up to Zeke, but I'm going to try and make it up to you and the guys."

"Oh, Kenzie..." Victoria sighed. "...you don't need to be strong for us. You know that, right?" She murmured.

"Of course I do." I argued quietly. "I am, after all, the next alpha." I breathed out. I almost couldn't speak the words. They got caught in my throat as I inhaled and exhaled.

Victoria sighed again. "Mackenzie, Grace is still here. You don't need to take up the burden of being-"

"-Yes! Yes I do!" I shouted.

I suddenly knew why Zeke always tried so hard to be the perfect alpha. I could feel it. When mom and dad passed, he felt that if he wasn't a great alpha, their death would be in vain. If I don't live up to be at least the alpha that Zeke was, I'd never be able to forgive myself. I heard someone come through the back door. Mom.

"Hey girls. You seen your brothers?" She wondered quietly, almost afraid.

"Yeah, they're out in the garage." Victoria explained.

"How are they holding up?"

"Okay, I guess. Same as the rest of us." I shrugged, looking down at the counter.

I felt mom's hands on my shoulders. They seemed to caress me. It was comforting.

"Come here, hun." Mom smiled kindly.

I turned the chair around and looked into her grayish-eyes. I felt her wrap me in a hug, and I didn't protest. When I felt it was time to go and check on my brothers, I pulled away.

"I'm gonna go out in the garage." I told her.

She smiled with a small nod. I got off the chair, pulled a sweater over my arms, and grabbed my can of Coke. I went down the hall and opened the door which led to our large garage. Ironically, there wasn't a single car in it. It was mostly things that Dalton and Chase had worked on for awhile. It consisted of tools, jars of paint, wood planks, and other junk that they managed to put to use. My brothers must not have heard me enter, either that or they chose not to respond.

"Hey, you guys okay?" I asked.

"What kinda question is that?" Chase retorted, looking over at me.

"The kind you should answer." I replied, sitting on a home crafted bench. I leaned against the wall and crossed my legs.

"Fine, I suppose." He shrugged with no smart remark to follow.