delphinium - remus lupin ¹

twelve | apologies

Dear diary,

Today is the last day of my fifth year at Hogwarts. Normally, I get all sentimental around this time and have a good cry while reminiscing with my friends in the common room. This year, though, it's just me.

As much as I love my friends and all that they've brought into my life, they've also brought hardships too. I need to leave what's past in the past, and apologising is my first step to getting there...

"Now, with that being said. Please, enjoy your final meal of the academic year!" Dumbledore's voice boomed over the excited chatters of the students soon to be returned to their homes the next day.

Yellow banners hung above every table in victory, the House Cup belonging to Hufflepuff for the second year in a row. No one was arguing it. Lily had come to terms with the fact that they weren't going to win and the rest of Gryffindor didn't point any finger either. Penelope knew that it was her fault, but her one saving grace was the fact they had come third instead of last.

Her OWLs hadn't been a complete failure either. She felt they had gone well, but only enough for mostly Acceptables and a couple of Exceeding Expectations if she was lucky.

The rest of the group was feeling positive too. The incident with Snape was rarely ever brought up, though it was clear that Lily still thought about it every once in a while. Penelope and Lily were back to talking too – not as much as before, but it was a start.

She hadn't talked to Remus about the night of their prank either. Penelope was avoiding the conversation like just talking about it would get her splinted. They had been spending more time together though, and the whole group had noticed how the two were almost fully back to their usual selves – save for the mysterious depressive episodes Remus would sink into once a month.

The conversation was flowing as usual for the fifth-year Gryffindors around the dining table. Sirius and Sophie flirted and laughed together while Peter sat beside the boy, completely scandalised by what he was hearing. James, Lara, and Penelope brainstormed ideas for a make-believe prank shop they would run in the future. Remus, Lily, and Alice gossiped about their new rumoured Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher and who they thought would be promoted to Head Boy and Head Girl for next year.

Laughs and smiles were all around as the scent of chocolate-flavoured desserts floated through the room, bringing a sense of comfort and nostalgia to those who weren't returning. Gossiping turned to goodnights and goodbyes as students started to filter out of the hall, slowly taking away the exciting buzz that was fizzling out as the night grew older.

"Well, I think it's time for me and Alice to head to bed." Lily stood up, holding hands with the shorter blonde girl next to her. "I have to help the first-years on the train tomorrow morning, and Alice is... exhausted, to say the least." Alice leaned further into Lily, closing her eyes and sighing with a dreamy smile.

A chorus of goodbyes left the group as they started to walk towards the door, but as they passed by Penelope, Alice stopped. The shorter blonde tapped Penelope on the shoulder and gave her a hug.

"Thank you for making up with Lily." Alice smiled again, opening her eyes again briefly to look at her.

Lily came to her side as the group fell back into a quiet chatter. More and more people had left, leaving a few Hufflepuffs celebrating their House Cup win and the relentless group of Gryffindors.

The redhead let go of Alice's hand after she pulled back from the hug and pulled Penelope in for a hug of her own.

"I'm sorry, Lils."

"I'm sorry too."

The girls pulled away from each other, Lily and Alice left the Great Hall, and Penelope turned back around to face the table. An arm wrapped around her from her left side, pulling her closer to the heat of a body, getting rid of the midnight chills she was beginning to feel.

"I'm proud of you, Penny." Remus kissed the side of her head gently, holding her close like he had done so many times before. With him, she felt safe and cared for and loved. And she wanted to feel it more.

"Remus, I-"

"And I, too, am proud of you, Penelope." The two students turned around together, arms no longer intertwined and bodies no longer close. Professor Dumbledore stood behind them, arms clasped in front of his body and a cheerful glint in his eye as always. "Care to take a walk with me, Miss Pettigrew?"

Penelope slowly got up from her seat, feeling the low temperature of the cold summer night as she moved further away from Remus. The two took a walk through the grounds of Hogwarts, passing over bridges and finding themselves stopping to look out over the Black Lake.

"I am very impressed with you, Miss Pettigrew, I must say." Professor Dumbledore stood tall and elegantly, his face half covered in the soft moonlight from the reflections on the lake. "You have made an excellent comeback from where you were at the beginning of the year."

Take the compliment, Penelope. Just take the-

"Thank you, sir, but it can't have been that great or we would have won." Penelope gazed out across the dark lake too, thinking over how different this night would have been if she wasn't so idiotic at the start of the-

"Yes, but life isn't always about winning, Miss Pettigrew. Mistakes and failures will happen no matter how hard we try to prevent them. It's just the way of the world. We have to accept them for what they are – mistakes. You're just an unfortunate soul who happens to make more than others, and there is no shame in that. I myself am someone who makes more mistakes than the average person, and I will still make more in my many days to come. We are also the type of person to learn the most though. So, in the name of learning, I am going to take a risk and tell you what I think you need to hear." Dumbledore's gaze shifted back to her, shadows now casting over his face instead of the pure white moonlight. "Not every choice you make will be the right one for your friends. But that does not mean you should not take every opportunity that is given to you in fear of making a bad decision as it will always be the right choice for you. Every choice you make will be the one you were destined for and, although it won't be easy, you need to trust in your instincts."

Penelope had nothing to say. Instead, she mulled over what the Professor had said.

Trust your instincts.

It won't be easy.

Take every opportunity that is given.

It will always be the right choice for you.