delphinium - remus lupin ¹

twenty-two | girlfriends

Dear diary,

I couldn't bear to talk to anyone after yesterday. I spent the whole time locked in my room, crying, sleeping, and crying some more. Sirius may have been harsh, but nothing he said was wrong. I was a complete idiot. I couldn't trust myself to love him, but that didn't have to be a problem. I have a solution and it will work.

I just need the cold-hearted, idiotic werewolf hunter to fulfil his part of the deal...

The sound of my knocks on the wooden sounded faint. Penelope knew that she didn't have the energy to talk to him. But she had to. She could never move on with anything – the plan or her life – without having this conversation.

Two days of moping around her dorm isn't a good enough reason to fail her N.E.W.T.s.

"Come in." She almost didn't. He coughed after his shout, and his voice was so much weaker than it usually was. But she had to.

The creaking of the door was harsh and made her wince when it seemed louder than usual. Maybe it was just in her head, or maybe it was from the deafening silence between Remus and her at that moment.

"Hey." He had a small smile on his face when he saw her. He was acting as if nothing was wrong. He was trying to be strong, and it pained Penelope that he had done it so many times before. So many times when she believed that he was alright.

"Hey..." Penelope took a few hesitant steps forward, tightening her hold on the present behind her back as she closed the door. "I got you something..." She took a few steps further forward, before she held out the mint green teddy bear in front of herself.

"Benji!" His eyes filled with surprise when he saw the teddy bear, pushing himself up to sit a little higher with a small groan.

Penelope smiled and walked the remaining steps to the bed. She handed Remus the teddy bear for him to hold, letting him pull her down next to him too.

"You were more excited to see the bear than you were to see me." Penelope gasped. "Am I that boring?" She tried to play off the nerves she was feeling.

"I mean, I haven't seen Benji for months." Remus joked back. Thank Merlin he joked back.

Penelope tried her hardest to smile, but she couldn't bare not knowing how angry he was at her.

"Hey, I was joking." Remus wrapped an arm around her, pulling her in closer for a side hug. "I missed you yesterday."

"You were asleep for most of yesterday." Penelope smiled as she turned to face him again. She was looking into his eyes as he smiled, and she couldn't handle it any longer. She cut off his sentence before he even started it. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"What?" His smile faded. "What are you sorry for?" He didn't know. Sirius lied.

She contemplated telling him about the Amortentia for a second, but she knew that she never could. Her plan wasn't as ruined as she thought. Everything could still go the way it was meant to. She could still save it. She had to.

"Just that this happened to you." Penelope bluffed, holding onto his shoulders lightly, rubbing up and down his arm in some sort of comforting technique.

Remus looked like he didn't really believe her, and Penelope wasn't even sure she believed herself. She forced another smile on her face and tried her best to look anywhere but his face when it became awkward between them again.

That was how her eyes landed on a note on his side table with Remus' name on it. The barely readable swirls of it being a telltale sign of its writer. It looked like it hadn't been moved by Remus. He hadn't read it.

Penelope heard the distant sound of the bells chiming to signal the beginning of lunch. She had to get out before Sirius came back – and she needed to get that note.

"I need to go before the boys get back to check on you." Penelope cast him a sympathetic look. "But I want to take you somewhere. Like a... date?" Remus blushed at the use of the word 'date'. "Saturday morning? Hogsmeade?"

He coughed before answering, stumbling over his words a little. "Of course- Uh- I mean, yeah, sure. Hogsmeade. Saturday morning. Got it."

Penelope hoped that everything would go right before then. If not she would have to lie to him again, and as good as she was at lying, she hated it when it came to Remus. But she did what had to be done.

"Great." Penelope smiled, nervous for her next move. She could feel the pressure creeping up on her. The boys would be back soon. It's now or never.

Before she could decide against it, she leaned forward on her right arm and connected their lips. Penelope planned for it to be a short kiss, but first she needed to grab the note. Her left arm was stretched out to reach for it, but trying to find an object far away with your eyes closed was a difficult task. After a few moments of the kiss she reached the note, and could pull away from the now grinning boy with a smile of her own.

Penelope quickly swapped the note from her left hand to her right. She then reached up with her left hand to hold his cheek. "I'll see you Saturday." She leaned forward to quickly peck his lips again before getting up to leave the room with a smile.

Everything was going to plan again.