You are my comfort

The meeting

As Leonardo was dragged by his weak arm into the portal his younger brother had created through his blood and tears, a huge wave of relief was rushing over his brain. Tears threatening to fall all over his grinning face he was thankful for his brothers being there for him, dissociating for a moment, struggling to keep himself awake and conscious for his injuries were getting the worst of him. That moment was imprinted vividly into his siblings' memories, however. All of them participating in Leo's rescue opportunity that popped up out of nowhere right when they needed it. And remembering such a heartfelt moment now, 3 years after the invasion tragedy was supposed to make Leo feel relieved, maybe even sad. I wouldn't really say that Leo felt sad though: a feeling of weird emptiness and incompleteness flooding the boy's mind. His expression held an uncharacteristic scowl as he was trying to process why he couldn't feel anything. Isn't he supposed to be happy he got out of the prison dimension? Or is he supposed to feel hurt because of the trauma the Kraang made him go through? Maybe he was supposed to feel sadness and pity for himself? The boy in blue could never know.

It has been 3 years.

3 whole years after the invasion.

Everyone is moving on, everybody was in the process of healing from the traumas and getting themselves together. Raph has found comfort in knitting and her girlfriend Mona Lisa. Mikey's hands are almost fully recovered and they have been training with Draxum, improving in his mystic powers, getting even more rad with their skills. Donnie have significantly grown emotionally, being able to communicate his feelings and thoughts more efficiently now, when compared to themselves 3 years ago. They still are the same Donnie, but now more knowledgeable and experienced. Donnie's tech has become even more complex and he decided it was time for the world to face their beautiful machinery. April is living her best college life with Sunita and Cassandra around, those three have grown very close and almost never leave each other's side, especially after the invasion. Splinter and Draxum became more friendly and tolerable towards one another, sure they have some small fights, but those are pretty similar to friends teasing each other. Casey Junior has perfectly blended in with the modern human society, being a fast learner is a huge advantage I guess.

And then we have Leo.

The face man, the leader, the goofy comedian boy, who tended to joke around whenever it was possible. What happened? What changed about him? He didn't know and it seems like he didn't really want to know either. He still was the leader and the face man. He still cracked ridiculously unfunny jokes and annoyed those around him(in a loving way). He would say that nothing changed, but who is he really fooling, other than himself? Everyone have noticed how the loudest member of their big family has grown quiet and distant. When asked if he was okay, he would always dodge the question with a 'the best I ever was actually' and when lent a hand of help, he would reject it with a guilty smile.

His scowl deepened. Similarly, the grip he held on his upper arms, which he did not notice, stiffened, until a signal of pain has reached his brain. With a short sigh, he let go of his arms, placing his hands on the back of his head, curling up into a ball on the place he was sitting at. He felt discomfort. The lingering feeling of nothingness not leaving his gut. It felt as if he had a hole in the place of his belly, while a never ending ringing was eating up his brain. The ringing is his tinnitus, caused by the beating Kraang gave him. The emptiness though is pretty much unreasonable in Leo's opinion. He could not identify the causes of such feeling, for he couldn't even remember moments after his butt being saved from the Kraang's limbs. Leonardo's mind went completely blank after he accepted his death in the prison dimension. Even if the boy had little bits of hope in his chest, the pulling feeling of weight and inanition were filling his brain. He seriously thought he would die there. No, he hoped he would die there, after heroically dumping his family in the safe space. He fucked up badly, when he even let the Kraang key get taken and he felt extreme amounts of guilt on his shoulders for it. That's why he was hoping he would die, he convinced himself that the weight would go off, if he just sacrificed himself for the sake of the world. I would call it a kind of a suicide attempt, if you ask. He was willing to fully give away his life and happiness, just to take the guilt away. He already felt like a burden, always taking the team down, but then? Then he felt even worse. What about now, Leo? Do you feel better monologuing your traumatic experience from the 3rd P.O.V. in your head? Or is it your way of coping with numbness? I seriously question your ways of dealing with stress and trauma, but this is better than that pathetic attempt at heroism, right?