delulu's area (skz) ~

lollipops and cigarettes~ han (jisung)

don't.

TW: mentions of s!h, smoking,
su!cide, abuse, dark past.
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i was on a break from work, in my own thoughts. i was overthinking for the past while, so i decided to go on a late night walk to han river to clear my mind off of my thoughts.

(incase some of yall don't know what han river looks like djsvsisbi 😭)
BACK TO THE STORY-

i just took my phone and went out the door.
and so while peacefully walking down the path at a slow pace, as i stopped and turned towards the railings where landed the large river, surrounded by the city lights on a saturday night. i took a deep sigh as my mind went blank, not even thinking if anything, just blank and empty for a while, like an empty room.
and just when i was resuming my walk, i stumbled across this guy, who looked somewhat my age, stepping closer and closer near the deep water, visually visible for what he's trying to do. my heart dropped at that moment and without wasting a second, i ran as fast as i could to him, and caught him at the last minute, pulling him back from doing what he was doing, hugging him, while on the other hand, tears slowly started forming his eyes as they went down his cheeks and onto my clothes. but i didn't care. i was embracing him in my arms, feeling too worried to even care about that.
even though he was a stranger.

after waiting for him to calm down a bit, we made our way to the closest bench, as he looked at me with red puffy eyes.

"why?" he says hopelessly.

"i know all your feeling is fatigue, pain and heartbreak."
i say looking at him with pain-filled eyes.

"but this is no solution. ending everything?"

"i'm tired, i have no one to talk to, no one's shoulder to lean on, i'm alone. i don't deserve love or affection."

"i may have not known you for barely a few minutes but consider me someone to you, for a short while, i'll be ur someone to talk to and the shoulder you lean on. just please, don't hurt yourself."
i said before exhaling.

"i'm lee y/n what's your name?"

"han jisung"

i nodded and didn't do anything but just hug him gently, as he silently cried and let out small sobs on my shoulder. i chose to stay silent and not console him with words just yet. finding it not the right time.
and so on after his mental breakdown, he stared at me again, as if i was a savior or something

"thank you y/n" his voice trembled, laced with sorrow.

"it's okay, i'm glad i saw you though" i let out, smiling softly.

han just smiled, but that won't fool anyone, cause it's visible that no matter how wide his smile is, look into his eyes, he's shattering inside.

"wanna talk about it?" i say hesitantly.

han just stayed silent, taking a lighter and a cigarette from his pocket. but just so when he was about to light it up, i immediately snatched the cigarette away from him.
he tried taking it back but there was no use

" y/n-"

"take this" i say handing him a cherry flavored lollipop.

seemingly, i always carry a lollipop around to enjoy whenever i felt like it, but he needed it more than i did.

han just smiled lightly at me and took the lollipop, popping it in his mouth. the both of us sat in a comforting silence, admiring the view infront of us. with nobody
in sight.

"basically, growing up, my parents always used to abuse me, make me feel unloved and never enough, until now, i'm still obligated to obey their requests, my favorite person left me without a warning, partially the people in my life make it miserable and i can't control my emotions so i just let them out by horrible ways. it's just all piled up you know? this place is my comfort zone, i get to be alone." he says holding back his tears, gazing at the sight infront of him.
"but honestly, i never knew that someone could be so warm inside out, like you. i just met you but you helped me so much. i'm really thankful. i needed all you did. thank you for saving me with just fewer words" he then spoke looking back at you.

" i'm so sorry that you had to go through all that, yet you're still managing to get through it all. i completely understand how hurtful that might've been, i'm proud of you han. and i know this may sound weird, but you can always find me yeah? i'll always be here if you need me. we can be friends! just don't do that again, please, there are many solutions. i promise. it'll take time but never forever"

han just nodded, bringing back his smile, though this time it seemed very.... truthful.

and that's where everything began..

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sometimes all you need is for you to console your own self and that's completely okay, because sometimes it can be better than other people doing so <33

here's a han meme for therapeutic reasons 😭😭