Grace Taylor Hudson

Chapter 2

"Shannnnnn..."

"What's up Katy?" Katy and Shannon had been lounging around all day, so Shannon didn't really know why Katy's tone had changed from light to one full of melancholy.

"Her birthday is today..." It took Shannon a second to comprehend what Katy had just told her but the second it clicked she frowned knowing what was coming next...

"Shannon, I need to meet her... Sending money to her parents to help support her isn't the same." Shannon could tell that Katy was trying to hide the sadness in her voice. "She's my baby... and she doesn't even know it. I can't hold her or talk to her or tell her I love her. Shannon it kills me. I can't do this anymore." This time Katy's voice broke and her eyes filled with tears.

"Katheryn. You've said this for the past 15 years. Every February 3rd for 15 years. What makes the 16th year any different? You never do anything about it. 16 years and you've still done nothing. So suck it up or grow some balls and do something. I'm tired of this. The only thing you ever followed through with is your career. Maybe it's a good thing you didn't keep her..." She stopped after seeing the hurt expression on my face. "Oh God. I-I-I'm sorry. That was too far... Listen, I have a meeting in like 30 minutes. I didn't mean to piss you off, but Katy you need a bit of a reality check. I love you, you know that, and it's my job as your best friend to give you my opinion. So there it is. I'll see you later, 'kay?"

I sniffled, "You're right, I love you too, Shan. Drive safely."

Another day at work, another day doing something I love... And another day missing my baby girl, sometimes I wish I'd given it all up for her. My Gracie. Only she'd never be mine to hold. I made that decision 16 years ago and have lived with it every second of every minute of every hour of every day since then.

I know the Brants are caring and truly love her. Marshall and Laura treated her so well, seeing as she was their only child. They spoiled her (in a good way) but I guess I was able to help that along with my monthly monetary contributions to her own "allowance" account as well as her college funds. One thing was for sure, she was not dropping out of school or weaseling her way out of college. Not a chance in hell....

"Katy, are you okay? You've hardly eaten and you've been staring off into space for like, the past 5 minutes..."

"I'm fine Tam. Just tired and emotionally drained. Do you think we can go and you drop me off at my house now?"

"Yeah, sure. Are you sure you're okay?" I just nodded, not in the mood to answer questions.

After a quick yet quiet drive home I went straight up to my bedroom pulling out my favorite and only scrapbook. The one with the picture of me holding Grace right after she was born on the very first page. And the pages after that consisted of more pictures of Grace: her kindergarten graduation, her 5th grade science fair project that got her first place, Grace standing beside a new Mini Cooper bursting with elation.

The Brants had made sure to send me photos of all of her important achievements and milestones in life. It helped to ease the pain, but not by much. I hadn't gotten to witness any of these things other than in a photograph.

Her eyes are the exact same as mine.... Mirror images all the way down to her lazy eye. Her nose? Mine. Her hair? Her dad's, she got his incredibly thick dark brown hair. But aside from that, nearly everything about her matches me...

"DAMMIT!" I yelled to a house empty of human company, frustration with myself boiling over. "Why, Katy?! Why don't you have the courage to do anything about it?"

These were the days that hurt me the most, the ones where my anger and regret got the best of me. For the past 16 years all I've ever wanted to do is hold her. Hear her laugh... Find out her favorite food and color... Maybe it's purple? No, I bet it's sky blue. I bet she loves mac and cheese. Her dad did....

With the photo album tucked under my chin, I went to the kitchen to grab some water before going straight back upstairs to look at through it again, this time I fell asleep with it tucked close to my chest and slept peacefully for the first time in the past month.