Let's fight

Oh sweet sweet boy

I slowly lean into him and start to relax. It feels as if I'm slowly coming down from a weird high. "How about, for now, we just sit here", Corey says leaning back and holding me; still rubbing circles in my back. And it seemed more like he was telling less then asking. Which in turn I didn't mind, I feel like I needed this.

   We sat there for what felt like hours just against each other. It just felt so calming and cool like the breeze that comes when it rains. For the first time.. I felt so contempt with just having his hand to trace. His arms to hold, his chest to lean against and his words to bounce off of. He spoke so softly yet I swear I can feel the vibrations coming off of his voice.

     " I'm aware that this is just an assignment to you but.. ", he says hesitant for a second. " But I'd at least like to do things right, I don't want to hurt you or cause a problem ". I scrunch up my face a little at his words. I know. Everything is a bit fast and it's a lot. I know I still have so much to learn about this whole dynamic thang and even myself.
I scoot off Corey's lap and I turn to rubbing the palm of his hand. We both sat there for a bit against the couch before someone said anything. " I-... I don't know much about myself to begin with so where do we even start? ". I ask and look up at him, a subtle smile forms on his face as he looks back at me. "Well, how about the basics..or at least stuff like your pronouns and such". He chuckles and whispers about how he keeps saying stuff. But he's nervous and doesn't really know what to say next yet.
I hesitate for a bit before speaking. I fidget with my hand between my legs to hide the pinching. "I-... I think I'm ok with he/her/they for the most part.. ", it's kind of a lie but not really. I mean, I don't really care when people use any one of them for me, I just..
The thought sinks in and for a moment I felt a familiar sense of relief. I mean if you can even call it that. I had gotten so used to telling everyone the same old thing. How I'm ok with whatever they call me and how it doesn't really bother me. But it does. It sinks into my skin like a permanent reminder that I will never be perceived how I want to be. It causes a sting in my chest and despite how it hurts I force myself to smile. But not this time, instead it was quickly replaced by the shear fact that there's no reason for me to hold back. I may not really get along with him but Corey doesn't seem like the closed minded type.

  " Ok, well I use she/they for the most part",I say hesitantly and I watch as Corey smiles softly as if to put me at ease. As if he could sense how anxious I was, just letting the words out was so hard for me. I know how simple it may seem but for me.. to admit.. to say it out loud..

I bite my lip and and find myself leaning into Corey's hand that somehow made its way to my face.
"Well.. " he say in that gentle reassuring tone he uses to ease me. "Can you tell me how you see yourself"?, I think for a minute before leaning into his arms hiding my face a bit. I tell him how I see myself as a very confusing existence for most. How sometimes I see myself as just a boy, a very pretty boy that is soft and feminine and still has boy parts in boy places. We giggle and Corey ruffles my hair saying how he gets it in a way he feels the same. I sigh and tell him how other times I feel like a very confident women. I have a confidence that surprises most and I know exactly what I want. And how some days I'm a nice in between and others I'm just there, existing in a way that fits me. And he listens like, really listens. Adding on to what I say, asking questions, pointing out how he notices certain things about me that reminds him of what I said.
I start to feel this wholeness take over me and I become just so... Comfortable.
That's the best way I can describe how I feel right now. I start to think to myself that maybe after this whole assignment thing is over we can still be friends.. Maybe.
We talk some more before it was time for him to go. To be honest I didn't want him to leave. I almost protested and agreed with my mom when she had offered to make him dinner. She had just got home from work and saw us sitting together. And of course she adored him right away, Corey just has a way with words that captivates people. So you know she wanted to keep talking to him. In a way I was happy they got along..
WAIT.
Not for the reasons you think!
I mean, since we'll be hanging around each other a lot, it's only natural I want them to get along ya know.

-1 hour later-

I sit in bed thinking about everything. Our first meeting was weird and our first time talking alone was even worse. I mean who talks about someone else's classification so casually. I don't regret getting upset and worried. And it's so weird how easily we match with each other, maybe it's that compatibility thing.

-Hopefully people are still reading this, if you are sorry for the VERY late update my personal life has just been crazy and I almost gave up on this story but I plan to give it some drama and more brat/Dom energy but for now I'm slowing things down a bit... I re read everything and the pacing is toooo fast-