Unveiling Meerab [Tere Bin FF]

5. lost dreams

Murtasim found himself constantly mulling over the weight of Meerab's words, she had barely spoken to him over months, and suddenly she said so much that his mind had a hard time processing it all. Her words echoed in his mind, a haunting reminder of the divide that existed between their perceptions of the world, and in that moment their perceptions of what home meant.

He wracked his brain, searching for a solution, desperately wanting to make the place that felt like home to him also feel that way to Meerab. In his mind, being his wife meant that their house was automatically her home. He had always assumed that she understood and accepted that. But her words revealed a deeper truth—that she yearned for a sense of belonging, a place that embraced her unconditionally, most women found that in their own home if not their husband's home. And perhaps the crux of the problem was the fact that she didn't have a home if it wasn't with him.

He had believed that only he feared the possibility of her leaving him, but now he realized that she harbored the same fear—that he would one day cast her aside, leaving her with nowhere to go. It was a realization that shook him to his core, igniting a newfound empathy, and also a spark of hope.

Because if she was afraid of losing him, it meant that she cared.

Murtasim admitted to himself that he didn't fully comprehend Meerab's plight, their worlds were different. His home had become wherever she was. It wasn't that the Khan Haveli hadn't felt like home before her, but he had no reason to stay when staying at the village house was more practical. But since his marriage, he had started to stay at home more, and it was due to Meerab's presence. While his home had seamlessly transformed into wherever she was, he acknowledged that it wasn't the same for her.

She had the only place she knew as home robbed from her, it was a wound that they all failed to fully acknowledge. He had underestimated the depth of her pain because Meerab to him was the face of strength and resilience, but he guessed she too struggled like everyone else, she just hid it under layers of stubbornness and anger.

He had made attempts to rectify the situation, repeatedly asserting to his mother that Meerab had the right to live there. But the fact that he had to constantly defend her position spoke volumes. In his confusion, he yearned to find a solution, to ease her burden and make amends. He longed for her to feel the sense of choice and agency she craved, but he feared his own limitations.

Meerab yearned for the freedom to choose, to have agency in shaping her own destiny – something even he hadn't been allowed. For those born into the Khan House had their life pre-determined in a way, he had tried to stray but it had only hurt him in the long run. In his life, everyone had a role, and Meerab's role was one where she was his wife, and the Khaani. But that wasn't what she wanted. He understood, to some extent, what she was asking for—to be set free, but he didn't know if that meant she wanted to be free from him or only from the suffocating constraints she felt.

"Home is the place you choose when you have a choice," her words echoed in his mind. She needed to choose him, his home, their life together. But in granting her that choice, he had to confront the possibility of her not choosing him. He feared that if he let go, she would run the other way so fast that he would never see her again.

The mere thought of letting go, of loosening his grip, filled him with an indescribable fear, one that rivalled the fear that had filled his being when she had been taken in the village. He had realized that he truly cherished her then, and he loved her now even though she didn't see it that way...so the fear of losing her gripped his heart.

Yet, for the first time since they had married, he felt that perhaps she didn't want to leave him. Because for the first time, it felt like that she too was fighting for them. A part of him recognized that her words were not an ultimatum but an invitation for understanding.