Secret Love | Norris & Sainz

01 - hurtful statement

Lando

It was the first race after the summer break. The first race after Carlos story and the picture he shared. The picture of us, hugging, clearly not as friends. The last week I was scared, scared that someone would say something to me about it but gladly nobody recognized me or said a word about it. 

Carlos and I were very busy in the factory and with our teams so we didn't see us or spend time together, not even a phone call was possible and therefore we mostly texted us in the short breaks we got. I missed him, like really missed him and was happy about today, because he promised me that we would spend the night together in his hotel room.

I wasn't missing the sex and his touches, for sure this things too, but manly I missed him, his nearness and his voice, the way he pronounced my name and said tiger. This word still gave me goosebumps and every time he said it my heart rate increased.

Because I finished my media appointments for today I wanted to catch up with Carlos before my meeting would start. Therefore I was standing at the exit of the room where the press conference was taking place and watched him. George just finished answering his question and some reporter started asking the next one, to Carlos.

"As we all saw the picture during your summer break we were asking ourselves who the other man was. Are you gay and in a relationship with him or was it just a family member or close friend?"

I gasped and widened my eyes, looking at the Spaniard in expectation, who was sitting calm on the sofa and starring at the man who asked this question. Because he didn't look at me once during the last ten minutes I was sure he hadn't saw me, but I was now tensed.

"It was someone I really like and we had a great time during the summer, that's all I want to say about it."

I felt a warm feeling in my stomach as Carlos said that and started to smile. Luckily nobody was standing next to me or was looking at me because otherwise it would have been a bit weird. Overwhelmed with the answer and the whole situation I firstly didn't recognized that the reporter was talking again, but than me smile froze.

"As the man was looking a bit like your former team colleague Lando Norris I had to ask this. Are the fans finally getting what they want, is Carlando coming true?" 

Shocked I looked at Carlos who also was more than overburdened and surprised with the question. He fidgeted a little and ran his fingers through his hair, clearly tense. For a few seconds it was silent in the room and the other drivers were either smiling because they thought it was a joke or also looking very surprised.

George was the only person who spotted me before and was now glancing over to me, but in a way nobody would notice it. He knew about mine and Carlos connection and relationship because after I got back from Spain I had dinner with him and Alex and they both squeezed everything out of me. They were my best friends and I was okay with them knowing it because they promised me to keep their mouths shut.

My look wandered once more to the tense Spaniard who was breathing deeply once more before opening his mouth to speak.

"No. The whole battle with McLaren and Ferrari this season has divided us and we are not as close as we have been in recent seasons. I haven't spoken to him outside of Formula 1 for the past few months. He has nothing to do with it, we have nothing to do with each other. And that won't change anytime soon."

His word were like a knife in my heart. Of course he couldn't say that we were dating and together but on the other hand he didn't have to say we weren't friends anymore. It hurt and I was kind angry about his answer. Why didn't he said the truth, what was the problem. Being homosexual or bi wasn't a crime.

I didn't hear if the reporter asked something again because I left the room and ran outside. My meeting wasn't staring but I couldn't stand there any longer and look at Carlos. His words cut me deep and I was mad at him and the whole thing.

When I reached my drivers room I sat down on the floor and buried my face in my hands. Why did it hurt so much? Probably it was just a short circuit reaction from Carlos. But he hadn't must said that we weren't friends anymore, no he said we broke completely up because of the fight between Ferrari and McLaren in the constructors, what a bullshit.

My phone vibrated and I grabbed it quickly, not knowing what I should expect but than I saw Carlos name on my display.

Press conference is over, where are you?

I left him on read and put my phone away. He didn't know I saw the press conference and his answer to the picture question. He thought everything was fine between us and we would meet now to catch up and probably disappear in one of our drivers room for a quick kiss or something.

But for me nothing was fine, my feelings were competently messed up and I didn't know what to think. I understood that he couldn't make our relationship public but on the other hand I asked myself why not. Why did he posted this picture if he didn't want to show the world. Why was he now denying it and showing the public the exact opposite, that we were nothing more than competitors.

He was so much more for me but now my head questioned if he was feeling the same, if he was even loving me the same way I was loving him. A single tear ran down my cheek and I quickly wipped it away when I suddenly heard a knock on my door.