bad decisions

Prologue Part 1: Her Story

Summer 2001

I don't remember much from when I was little. But I remember them. Mom's laugh and dad's smile. I get my blue eyes from him. My black hair from him. I'd look exactly like my mother, if it wasn't for his eyes and hair. I remember the sunny days where dad would take me to the park, the rainy nights mom would take me to the movies. I remember being happy. We watched Nightmare Before Christmas and Sweeny Todd every Friday night. I remember the world was bright and everybody smiled. I remember the 4th of July with my parents and their parents. The bright sky, loud booms, and smell of black powder. The stars weren't there, but the colors were. We were all laughing and smiling. Every night was happy, some were quiet, with me playing with my dolls on the floor and mom curled in her chair reading her book. Dad would be putting a puzzle together or writing in his study. Some nights were loud, where we'd play music and bake cookies for a birthday at my daycare or we'd pack mom and dad's backpacks for us to hike the next weekend. We were always doing something together. As a family.

Winter, Late 2004

I do remember this night clearly. It was a loud one, just me and dad. It was almost my birthday so we were baking my cake and listening to music. I remember we were dancing in the kitchen with the cake in the oven when the music stopped. Dad was on the phone when he shut off the oven. I tried so hard to tell him that the cake wasn't done. The egg on the counter didn't ring, but he was crying and running around, yelling at someone on the phone. I was crying, my cake wasn't done and dad forgot about me. When he got off the phone, he started pulling on his boots before putting mine on and we grabbed our coats before running to the car. I put my seatbelt on as he pulled out of the driveway. He was driving fast and I was lurching in my booster seat every time he turned a corner. I was scared and he was still crying.

"Daddy, what's going on? You're scaring me," I remember crying to him from the back seat.

Then he turned around to look at me, "Mommy was hurt baby, we're going to see her to make su-"

I remember screaming when I saw the bright lights from the truck coming at us, but I don't remember my dad making any noise. I remember the crunching and screaming sounds the car made as I was tossed sideways before swinging back and hitting my head on the door.

Waking up, Dad was asleep in the front seat and a nice man was getting me out of the car to take me to my mom. He said she's okay and she'll make sure I'm okay.

Mom and I both spent the night in the hospital and came home. She told me that Dad hadn't woken up after the accident and he wouldn't be coming home. We cried and she tried to hug me but the cast on her leg got in the way.

Spring 2007

Mom was sick, she had been sick since the accident. I think Dad being gone and not being able to take care of her meant she was always going to be sick. But she still tried to make me happy. She let me spend a lot of time with my friends, and their parents were always nice to me. They looked and sounded sad when they were with me, but that was okay with me. Mom was sad too. She would start crying and take her medicine, and she'd be okay again. It had been like that since Dad died. I knew what happened now, and that he was in Heaven, so he wasn't sad. Christi's mom told me that with my dad in Heaven, I couldn't see him but he could see me. She told me he was always watching and protecting me. She called him an angel. I believe her.

Christi and I spent a lot of time together. We'd go to the park and her mom would take us to the movies. Sometimes she'd take us to the mall and buy us some pretty clothes or cool sets to make bracelets together with. Her dad would make dinner outside when it wasn't raining and we'd play in her backyard before they'd take me home. Mom was always asleep when I got home, but that's okay. I could take care of myself and she needed her sleep to get better.