bad decisions

Chapter 4: Individual Demons

Saturn

One moment I was laying on my bed sleeping, the next I was lying flat on my stomach next to my bed. Sweating and breathing like I had just run a marathon, I knew I had a nightmare again but I have no idea what it was about. But the heavy pounding in my chest and the nausea twisting in my stomach told me exactly what happened.

Groaning, I get up off my floor before stripping off last night's clothes and hopping in the shower. I let the hot spray relax my back before cleaning and conditioning my hair. I took my time shaving my legs and washing my body.

When I get out, the bathroom is muggy and full of steam, so I crack the door and turn on the exhaust fan. I can feel my stomach settling and my heart slowing as I dry my hair. Once my hair is dry enough that it won't drip down the back of my shirt, I brush my teeth and throw on some mascara. Quickly pulling on a black sports bra and my usual black undershorts, I pull the bathroom door the rest of the way open.

Walking into my bedroom and opening my closet, I flip through the hangars before settling on my Steven Rhodes 'Sell Your Soul' sweatshirt and throwing it on. I'm sitting down on my bed to put my sweatpants on when I get a text. I grab my phone off my nightstand and open it. Who is texting me at nine in the morning.

Unknown: Hey Saturn, it's Folio. Noah gave me your number last night. I just wanted to say thanks for the movie and letting us crash. It was really good to meet you!

Me: If y'all want to do it again, let me know. I know I was pretty quiet last night but I did have fun. It was awesome to meet y'all.

Folio: We'll definitely hit you up again, you've got great taste in movies my guy.

I chuckled at his text before throwing my phone back on my bed and pulling my sweats on over my shorts. I walk over to my windows and look out the window. I sit there for a few moments before deciding to go dance for a while. Coffee first.

I make my way out into the living room where I see the blankets and pillows folded and stacked nicely on the pulled out couch. I smile at the sweet gesture before turning into the kitchen and starting the coffee pot. I sit on top of the island with my legs crossed, scrolling Instagram while I wait. My coffee brews quickly and I make a cup before taking it with me into my pole studio.

I take my time getting my speakers turned on and connecting my phone while I sip my coffee. After I was hooked up, I downed the dregs of my mug before pulling off my shirt and sweats, folding them and laying them on the chair I keep in the corner. Going back over to my phone, I turn on some LoFi on Spotify while I stretch.

After thirty or so minutes of pulling my muscles in every-which-way, I feel loose and relaxed. I switch my music over to my 'Liked Songs' playlist on shuffle and smile when A Grave Mistake by Ice Nine Kills plays softly over my speakers.

I could tell from the moment I touched my pole that I was going to be lost to my music and my emotions for the next several hours.

And I was. Until a while later, I was dancing and The Night We Met by Lord Huron was on and I was trying to work through a massive pit in my stomach. I could feel the tears on my face as I tried to force my body into moving the way my mind was. I was upside down, slowly spinning while holding my body weight up with my bent knee holding the pole when I went to wipe the tears running down across my forehead. With my eyes open, I could see something in my doorway and I panicked, falling flat onto my front.

My skin burned on the impact and I was stunned breathless. Before I could react, someone was crouched over me. Once again, I panicked and grabbed the arm that was extending toward me, pulling it hard before tucking myself and flipping me and the arm's owner.