On His Terms

○×40 part 1: confessions & vows○×

<You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back>

*Listen to the above song as you read. Will get you in your feelings like it did me!🥹❤️✨*

|Jadesola|

HE VEERED across the room to stand against the door, arms fallen to the side, unconcerned at his nakedness or his terrible request.

"Right now, I'm going to need you to cross the room with one goal in sight. Me. I want you to slash me, gut me, however it suits you, Jade." His voice was calm, his towering frame as unmoving as a martyr uttering their last prayers before they were slain.

A mirthless chuckle escaped me and I tried to play it off, "What are you saying, Kian? Gut you? You must be drunk, come back to bed."

"I'm not drunk, baby. If anything, I'm more sober than I've ever been in a long while." Kian's gorgeous eyes glowed with determination, the only thing in him that seemed to be alive. "Stand up, Jadesola. Come get me. This is what you've always wanted."

My heart thudded, the blood flowing in my veins, hot and furious. I glanced at my fingers that were curled around the hilt, then at him. "Kian–"

"I deserve the hate and it's only going to get worse if you don't hit me. Think about what you're doing to yourself."

My breathing intensified, harsh, the knife, a heavy burden in my palm, just like the weight of the ache pulsating in my chest. Here I was, presented with a golden opportunity to finally plunge my dagger into his neck except I just sat, dumbstruck.

He muttered something beneath his breath and then louder, eyes flashing, "Coward much? You keep on throwing yourself at me so that you can stab me, and now you hesitate? I know it all Jade. There's nothing to hide and I'm done fighting. Please, kill me right now."

Frozen, I stared at him, wide-eyed. Yes, I should stab him. I should kill him, do this world a favor by removing the ugly stain that was Kian. But did I have it in me? A dirty war waged in my mind, a tug between right and wrong. Good and evil.

"You're just gonna stare at me? Pretend you don't want to kill me? Fine." A look of distaste crossed his striking face and he snapped, "I hate to break it to you, love, but while you were chucking your clothes off, you looked desperate, sounded desperate. You were a total turn off, baby."

The hilt of the dagger grazed my inner palm as I tightened my fingers over it. He was trying to piss me off, the taunting words, a sting on my pride.

"You say that but you were hard," I bit out.

Kian noticed he was getting through to me. Smirking, he crossed his arms, biceps flexing and leaned against the door. "As hard as a man who's dying to stick it in any woman's cunt. Baby, we might as well have been in a brothel. Your actions weren't any different from a whore."

I bolted my eyes shut, the blood lust roaring, overwhelming. He wanted to force my hand so I erected a shield, sucked in deep, calming breaths, Don't listen to him, don't pay him any heed, don-

"You're a slut." His scornful voice blasted past my defenses, shattering it until I was raw. "Nothing but a pathetic tramp who can hardly suck a dick or fuck. Jesus, I was so bored watching you trying to seduce me. If I hadn't been thinking with my cock back then, I might have laughed at your pathetic porn star moves."

He's lying. Ignore him. Ignore him. My chest heaved, rising and falling violently, the burn of tears stinging my eyes.

"Didn't Zaviero tell you the truth after you fucked him? Man must have been lying to you." He clicked his tongue, that sound setting me on edge. "If I didn't pop your cherry, I wouldn't have known you had no dignity!"