diary of a broken soul

Page 6

Dear diary,

What would my mother think of me?

What would my mother think if she knew that her most priced daughter had now lost her spark? The once-overachiever child is now just a woman with a tired soul.

What will be her reaction if she knows that I am no longer the beacon of our family—tthat I have drained everything and am now left with nothing?

I lost the path that I once imagined. My plans are blurring, and I am becoming tired and tired as time flies so fast—

I can't keep up!

I am losing it!

The future that I am dreaming is a nightmare and I can't wake up!

Will she get mad at me?

Will she get mad at me that I now smoke because it calms me down? I started smoking then because I was just a growing teenager with a lot of curiosities, but now I do smoke because it comforts a part of me that I don't know is scared and anxious.

Was it me?

The child in me is anxious?

The young dreamer in me is scared!

Did I disappoint my mother?

She will be disappointed, won't she? That I choose cigarettes instead of a bleeding wrist? She will be disappointed that both of my coping mechanisms are disappointments—ccigarettes and a bleeding wrist.

What would my strong mother think of me?

Being weak and driven by my emotions—left with nothing but shame and broken wings.

I was raised by a strong woman herself. She didn't even think twice about sacrificing everything for me, yet I am here crying and regretting everything that I did.