Tied to Another

Chapter 6: Healing is a Long Process

   Izuku had been sneaking around at night, only really in the dorms, for a few days as he picked himself out of the ditch of heartbreak he'd been in. During this time, he'd taken a few showers, eavesdropped on complaining- mostly about how Mina and Kaminari hadn't been taking care of their agreed upon chores and Bakugo being... well, Bakugo-, and theorising about the whole not having to be tied to another person thing as well as how much affection he could allow himself to show or feel towards himself would stay on the self-love end of the healthy self-worth scale and trying to remain there.

   It had been rather difficult because Izuku was well aware he wasn't fond of himself and how dangerous and unhealthy the feeling of self-hate had evolved over the years. That and now he had a soulmate he loved and who loved him back, inexplicable and random as it was, he found himself rather disturbed by the strange hateful adoration he felt towards himself. He wanted to just shower his soulmate with love and rip himself to pieces now that Bakugo wasn't here to do it for him. He often found himself talking to himself like Bakugo would then violently defending himself from the advances.

   He sighed, glaring at his dorm door. This all felt so much easier and better the first night when he first did it, but he guessed this would work just like any other healthy soulmate relationship. It needed communication and right now he wasn't providing that. He tossed his pillow gently off his perch, his bed, in a fit of blind frustration. How would Bakugo treat him? He should really be doing the opposite since he promised himself he would do better than Boom-boom hands ever could.

   He flopped onto the now bare mattress- he effectively stress cleaned his dorm and was currently working on washing the bedding- and sighed. More importantly, how would he approach someone with his feelings and his background? Probably as gently as he interacted with Eri. He closed his eyes for a minute, took a few breaths, and mumbled a soft apology before getting back to cleaning.

   To say 1-A was excited he was back was an understatement. Aizawa and All Might asked him away from his peers how he was doing and if he needed anything to which his only response was 'fine' and that if he was in want of anything it was a bit of regular alone time. Eraserhead kept a tighter eye on him, effectively meaning Izuku was never not being watched, and All Might made an effort to talk to him more now Izuku was in a conversational mood.

   Hitoshi pretended the whole thing never happened, something Izuku was grateful for. He made sure he gave the insomniac his thanks for thinking about him. Uraraka and a good number of the girls as well as Sero and Kaminari were interested about his new soulmate, asking who it was, if they were a boy or a girl, and if they went to their school. Izuku simply smiled and replied with 'it is not my place to say's, 'I am not sure's, and 'who know's to their frustration. The rest were more interested in his emotional state, not to say Uraraka and the others weren't. It was nice to be receiving this much attention, but it made him wonder if he really wanted it. He decided that he did once everything calmed and the day progressed as normal with the occasional chatter between him and his peers. It was nice. Kirishima and Bakugo were effectively conjoined at the hip with how much they were together, but with how much Bakugo comes off as always aggressive and hostile Izuku was kind of glad to see him smile as much as he did with Kirishima.

   It was safe to say, day one back was nice.

   Day two was a bit rougher. Bakugo paid him attention and yelled at him for abruptly cutting the string and interrupting Bakugo's time with Kirishima, an out of nowhere accusation Izuku met with an hissed 'your welcome' and walking away to the surprise of everyone in the area.

   The knowledge Izuku cut the string and not Bakugo seemed to surprise most people and Izuku learned a lot of 1-A and even some of other classes thought Bakugo was an asshole for doing that to him, though that narrative didn't flip on him, but to how Bakugo was an asshole for pressuring Izuku into doing it, which he thought was kind of fair.

   He got permission to leave campus alone. He watched the sunset on Dagobah beach after splashing a bit in the water.

   Day three was when he got back into the swing of things. Working out, hero training, studying, etc. . Managing a small job with school while learning to love himself was difficult, even with a bond forged by soul-string. By then the whole hype of his return had calmed down and he'd eaten and drank a healthy amount for almost two weeks. He brought his grades up from where they were from before he cut the bind and was just overall feeling better.

   He learned when you aren't always stressing about getting hit or yelled at by your soulmate who you genuinely like for who knows what reason you learn more about yourself which was what day three's moment of thought was about for Izuku. He had already taken care of his chores for the day (and Kaminari's since he'd gotten a job and Izuku felt bad for his lack of time) so he had a moment to himself. He'd decided to go on a walk around campus before grabbing some baked goods Sato made from the kitchen and curl up on his bed (recently re-covered with soft, fuzzy blankets) and watch something, but he hadn't really paid any attention.

   Over the time he'd been bound to himself he'd realised a few things. He didn't really intend to ever tie the string to another person, and the thought of it alone upset him. He wasn't really interested in any sort of intimacy, not even of the romantic kind. He found almost everyone attractive, though? Or maybe aesthetic and physical attraction are separate things? Izuku wasn't sure, but curses! This was frustrating!

   He wrapped the blankets around himself more thoroughly. Maybe he should Google it... It only really took one search to find a term he felt fit his romantic preference: aromantic. In the same article he found asexual, a term he also found himself in.

   He hummed and read a bit more. Some people feel both at the same time. It was possible to experience sexual attraction but not romantic and vice versa. People who fell in both could all themself aroace, which had a flag of its own. The colours of which he found hideous. He much preferred a combination of the two -green on green on white on grey on black on grey on white on purple- to whatever the fuck that monstrosity is, but found the more he looked at it the less he violently hated it and more simply disliked it.

   He learned that Aro and Ace are more umbrella terms, similar to non-binary, that some people use to describe more a lack of attraction rather than complete void of and that there were terms more deliberate for those who wanted something closer to their identity.

   Izuku closed out day three knowing more about himself, but found he had even more to understand about himself and the world. He had a lot of work to do.