THIRTY-SIX: derealisation

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HEKP WHAT ARE THE THREATS ON THE LAST CHAPTER
HERE CHILDREN PLEASE DONT EAT ME ⬇️⬇️
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I stumble through the identical corridors, panting heavily after the million flights of stairs I just ascended. Stupid hotel.

The floor stretches out beneath me and I cringe at the sensation of all that goddam wine I drank sloshing around in my empty stomach. Which reminds me how hungry I am.

"Maybe I'll go to the cafeteria quickly." I mutter to myself, turning back the way I came.

Whoops.

Somehow, I turned too fast, and now am lying on the ground. I roll to the side of the hallway until I'm facing one of the dingy walls. The plaster is nice and cool against my burning skin.

Or maybe I'll stay here for a while.

Is this really it? Getting drunk and high and playing these idiotic games. A never ending cycle of adrenaline and euphoria..

Tears well in my eyes as I think of my mother. I'd tried to push her to the back of my mind since now, but I can't help wondering whether she misses me. Whether she even knows I'm gone.

Is this another planet? Another dimension? A hole in the universe that I stumbled into and tumbled down? How far away from my mother am I? How deep in the rabbit hole did I go?

Am I even real?

My hands shake uncontrollably as I prod my face. I can't feel anything.

Suddenly the ceiling is descending on me, the corridor narrowing and twisting and swirling. I make patterns in the worn carpet with my detached fingers, spot patterns in the wall with my eyes.

Everything is pressing in on me. Tears stream down the sides of my face into my hair, sticking it to my scalp like glue. My back is being swallowed by the ground. I need to get up, but my hands swirl above me in the air as if it's water. Nothing makes sense here. That's probably the point.

How can I know what makes sense when I don't even know whether I'm real or not?

I miss home.

A deep, aching sensation chokes up my chest, and I can't breathe.

Hyperventilating now, stars flash in and out of my eye line.

I'm not sure how long passes. Minutes, maybe hours. But none of that matters anyway; time is just a made up concept to distract us from living in the present where it really matters.

I struggle to remember what I was doing just now as a pair of arms wraps around me. All of a sudden, I'm flying, and we're moving, and his shirt smells nice so I bury my burning face into the cool fabric.

He's talking, but I don't want to listen, so I ignore the strings of words coming from his mouth. I reach up, pressing my lips to his to stop the incessant noise.

We stop moving as he kisses me back. I loose myself in his taste, trying to feel real, know I'm alive. I try to look at his face, but my eyelashes are weights, pressing my lids down as I struggle to raise them.

"Jesus, how much did you drink?" I hear Niragi say, and I laugh.

He sets me down on his bed, though I don't remember when we reached his room. I struggle to remember, but can't seem to recall anything.

I can't see him, can't feel him, so I call his name.

"What's wrong?"

Another aching in my chest awakens, this one a deep hunger to fill the loneliness.

"This a new bed?" I squint through my eyelids to peek at Niragi. He's turning the bedside lamps on, and stiffens at my words, standing up.

"No... why?"

"Just say it is, you dick - let me finish my pickup line. I was gonna ask whether you want to break it in." I huff, crossing my arms over my chest and staring at the ceiling.

"You're wasted."

"And?" I roll over to look at him as he finished shutting the curtains, and my eyes immediately open, grateful for the dimness of the room.

He looks me up and down, swallows, and looks away from me again.

"Want anything to drink?" Niragi asks, completely avoiding my request.

I scowl, "A coke-vodka would be nice."

He raises his brows, but I just stare at him until he complies. Haha submissive boy.

Niragi makes the drinks whilst I hum a song stuck in my head.
Finally, he's done, and I immediately have three big gulps from my glass.

Niragi snatches the vodka away, "hey, take it slow, you're drunk enough already."

I roll my eyes.

He's made a neat whiskey for himself, and drinks it in one go. I'm surprised how he barely even makes a face at the taste. As soon as he's done, he sets my drink on the bedside table (which I grab back) and fixes up another.

"And you're telling me to take it slow." I scoff.

"Yeah, well, I can handle alcohol better than you."

"Lies." I narrow my eyes.

"Oh yeah?" He chugs his second drink, then grins at me.

Oh you're so on.

I take another three gulps of my drink, then crawl across the bed to the radio, switching it on and cranking the volume up until it hurts my ears. I put my drink down, smiling at the relaxing warmth branching through me.

"Get on my level!" I can barely hear myself over the blaring music as I get to my feet and start jumping on the bed like a child.

Niragi throws a pillow at me, smirking, but I manage to catch it and hurl it right back at him. Game on.

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Tbh I'm not sure where this is headed but I'm #goingonholiday in two days so prolly see you pookies after then LOVE ALL OF YOU SLUTS 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

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