Chapter Eleven (New as of July 3, 2023)

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It had been a week since Icarus had fully talked with me and he had been avoiding me wherever we went. If we were in the room of requirement together then he was as far from me as possible or sometimes he would leave entirely. When we sat down for any type of food in the great hall, he was far from me and I hated being without my twin. I hated the inability to talk with him like we used to, but I was going to stand my ground on this matter.

"Has he still not talked with you?" Sebastian stopped beside me, arms crossed and eyes downcast to look me over. Watching the muscles ripple in his shirt made me wish he was wearing something more to hide them. He had his cloak off, long sleeves of his shirt pulled up to his elbows and his ink on display.

"Still nothing." I answered with a heavy sigh as I looked out into the great hall. "He's been avoiding me too and I'm starting to wonder if my will is faltering. I want to be able to help him, but right now it's costing me the relationship with my twin and some with Ominis."

"I'm not surprised Ominis is against this." He started. "For what it's worth, I think helping your brother this way is wise. I know I pushed for it in our fifth year for Anne's cure but now I don't have to worry about that. And to be honest I can see where Icarus and Ominis are hesitant to let you absorb your own part of the magic, if Icarus is already in a lot of pain then who is to say you wouldn't be the same."

"I get that." I sighed, hands clenching to my side as all the nightmares flooded my brain. My brother was hurting himself because he didn't want to share the pain. He was scared that I'd be in just as much pain as him and he was suffering for it! All because I had been through enough this last year! "I really do, but I don't like seeing him in pain. I know you know what it's like watching your twin in agony. And I may sound rude when saying this, I don't mean to be, but unlike Anne this is something so much easier to handle but he won't let me."

By now I was blinking back tears, taking a shaky breath as I tried my best to hold them at bay. It was my fault that he was hurting like this. It was my fault that my brother had absorbed what was in the repository. It was all my fault. It was all my fault. It. Was. All. My. Fault. It was all my fault. IT WAS ALL MY FAULT!!

It wasn't until I felt Sebastian slip his hand into mine and pull me, did I move, though my mind was still a mess. I blinked rapidly against the tears, looking up at the back of Sebastian's head as he pulled me to the side of the great hall and climbed the flight of stairs that lay to the side. If I wasn't so emotional about my brother I would have smiled at the sigh, this was where I had hidden when the polyjuice, I had used to be Headmaster Black, wore off.

"Ominis will be looking for me." I breathed as I was pulled to sit in one of the arm chairs. It was all my fault. It was all my fault! I couldn't even have a functional relationship without it going bloody wrong. It was all my fault.

"Forget about him for a moment." He kneeled before me, our eyes level as he continued speaking. "You're hyperventilating."

"I am?" I breathed out as I finally took notice of the tightness in my chest, hands trying to fly to grab at something that wouldn't help me breath, but Sebastian caught my movements.

It was all my fault.

While looking me in the eyes, he brought one of my hands to his lips and kissed my knuckles tenderly before placing the palm of my hand against his chest. My fingers slipped though what little fabric lay over his bare chest and I was making skin contact. I could feel his heart beating under my touch as well as the rise and fall of his breathing. In his other hand, he held tight to my free hand, pressing it against his lips like the one before, yet he did not move this hand from his mouth. His words brushed over my knuckles as he spoke, voice low and calming. "I want you to pay attention to my breathing and match yours with mine, can you do that for me, Love?"

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