Falsettos, um,fanfiction...?

Everyone Tells Jason to See a Psychiatrist

My father's a homo. My father's a fucking homo. Let's start from the beginning... I've been thinking, if my dad is a homo, that must mean that I could become a homo. I'm so angry. Right now I'm playing chess by myself in the living room. As always. My mom walks in with a smile that's says: I'm gonna ask you to do something.

- Hey honey! She says gently.

- Hi. I say coldly.

- Sweetheart, why don't you go out and play with the other boys? She pleads.

That was her asking me to do something, but that still wasn't the thing she was making a face for.

- No. I answer.

She sits down next to me. My mother puts her arm around my shoulders.

- You know...I worry about you...like, a lot...why don't I take you out and we do something? She asks.

- Like...? I ask.

- I could-um-take you to the Jewish Centre? She gets excited.

I fake vomit.

- Why don't you speak on the telephone with anyone...just get a friend...anyone!

I perk up and open my mouth.

- And NOT Whizzer. She says, guessing what I was going to say next.

I huff angrily.

- Jason, I'm sorry to ask you this, but, please...I'm begging you. Please see a psychiatrist.

- WHA-

- Don't  worry, I've seen him before. He's a good person and he's very nice...you would like him! She says.

I'm not fucking crazy like the rest of my family. I'm a normal person and I will not be seeing a psychiatrist.

- No one is saying you're a crazy person...but it might do you some good to talk to a professional. She states.

- No-

- Hear me out, please. She says firmly.

- What? I ask, annoyed.

- He could help you...figure out some stuff...Your father is a good man but...he might confuse you in a way that-

- Mom, I'm not a homo. I say even though I'm concerned I might be.

- Yes, I know, but it never hurts to check! Your father is dumb, and he waited a long time to "figure things out". It would be nice if you tried sooner! She says enthusiastically.

- MOM-

- Will you go...? She asks.

- NO!!

My mother sighs and walks toward the phone. She mumbles something and then says "see you in a bit". Like, 10 minutes later, my dad walks in. My mother walks over to dad and she whispers something to him and he nods and looks over to me.

- Hey, Jason! He says with a smile.

I completely ignore him and continue my chess game. He gets closer.

- I understand that your mother suggested a psychiatrist for you? He asks.

- Yes, but I'm not going. I say.

- Oh, come on, Jason...he's just a psychiatrist...I'll pay the bill! He says.

- Darling, please listen to your father. Says my mom.

They start talking but I completely tune them out. I focus on the chess game. What would Whizzer think of this? What would he think of my parents trying to convince me to see a psychiatrist cause they think I'm a homo? Honestly, he wouldn't approve. Wait...I could ask his opinion. My parents ask me one more time, and I clear my throat.

- I want to speak with Whizzer. I say.

- With Whizzer?? Asks my mom, worried.

- W-with, um, Whizzer...? Asks my dad, blushing like mad.

- Yes, With Whizzer.

My mom sighs and passes my dad the phone. He dials a number.

- Hey, baby. Y-yeah, it's me...um...so, could you come to Trina's right now? Yeah...okay...see you baby.

My mom's face ass red with anger. Maybe because her ex-husbands new lover is coming over to give me advice, or because my dad called him "baby" way more times than he should have.

- Okay, he's coming. Says my dad, head down in embarrassment.

I continued my chess game while I waited for Whizzer to arrive. He came about 5 minutes later. Whizzer walked in with a smile. He winked at my dad subtly and seductively (which made him blush intensely). Then he went over to my mom and shook her hand with a caring and genuine smile. After, he walked over to me and went on one knee to be at my level. Whizzer shot me a caring smile. He's my favourite person.

- Hey, Jase! He says in his usual cheery tone.

- Hey, Whizzer. I say, a bit sadly.

- What's wrong, buddy? He asks genuinely.

- My mom and dad want to send me to a psychiatrist. I say solemnly.

Whizzer looks side to side, then leans in closer.

- Yeah...they're real dickheads aren't they? He whispers.

I giggle. Whizzer swears around me because he respects me and thinks I'm mature enough to handle it.

- So...do you think I should see a psychiatrist? I ask.

- I...um...I'm not sure Jason. He says.

My dad flicks his head. Whizzer turns around to face him, still on one knee. He gives my father the most intense death glare I've ever seen. Whizzer turns back over to me.

- Jason, maybe so...

My mother clears her throat.

- Absolutely Jason...? Says Whizzer even though it sounds more like a question.

Ever since my mom found out about him, Whizzer has been trying to get on my mom's good side. I mean, I don't blame him. He just wants no hard feelings between him and his boyfriend's ex-wife. I don't wanna see a psychiatrist, but Whizzer wouldn't tell me to do something that he knows I would be uncomfortable with. So I stay in silence for a bit, then look up at my parents and Whizzer.

- Okay, I'll go. I say.

- You'll go?! Asks my mom, excited.

- If he comes here. I specify.

- If he comes here...? Asks my dad, unsure.

- He might come here... says my mom.

- They don't make house calls. Says my dad in a snarky tone.

Whizzer hits my dad's arm lightly. My father whispers something to him. Whizzer nods timidly and walks over to me.

- Hey, Jase...I gotta go home now...see ya! He says with a weird smile.

His smile wasn't like a smile that I've seen him make before. It wasn't genuine. It was almost...scared...

- Bye, Whizzer! I exclaim.

- Goodbye. Says my mom trying to be happy, but just deadpan.

My dad and Whizzer walk out of the house. I wonder what's happening there...