When you die you either go to Heaven or Hell, there's no medium place for you to live out eternity in utter mediocrity. But, what if you did everything right, and yet you still got sent to Hell?
"(y/n), I'd like you to meet Roxanne, my Hellhound." Mama said as she opened a door and I saw a woman chained up.
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"So pretty." I mumbled as I blushed, "Did you get it?" Mama asked, "Yep, it's in the usual spot, batteries not included." Roxanne said, "Excellent, now I'd like you to meet (y/n), you belong to him now." Mama said as she unhooked Roxanne, "What did you find my replacement? I thought you were gonna do that after I made Charlotte shit herself in terror." Roxanne said, "I did, and he can carry the groceries in one trip while it takes you several. And Charlie was a child when that happened." Mama said, "She was eighty-two." Roxanne and I said, "Oh I like him. Feel free to call me Roxy kid." Roxy said as Mama untied her, "Oh and I know he's your kid, that cock sucker Mammon told me before he tied me up." she said, "Well I'm gonna let you two get to know each other. Play nice kids." Mama said as she left. "Sooo...how'd you scare Charlie to make her...you know." I asked, "She wanted to play with the big dogs, ran her mouth, and started trying to boss me around. I told her she was pretty fucken' bold trying to boss me around for someone within pegging distance. It was the strap-on that scared her, spiked for her displeasure." Roxy said I just laughed not really knowing half of what she was talking about.
Lilith POV
"So did she threaten to peg him too?" Lucifer asked, "No, she likes him." I said smugly, "And what about the boy?" he asked, "He's got a crush and it's adorable." I said, "Now go get the TV remote, I have a new toy and you're gonna help break it in." I said, "That was the errand?!" he laughed, "Yeah, you broke the last one! Now get your ass in that bedroom!" I said.
(y/n) POV
"Ight, let's go." Roxy said as she threw on her leather jacket, I saw a weird gun holstered in her jacket, "Shit, you saw it didn't you." she said, "Why do you have a gun?" I asked as she took out the revolver giving me a better look at it.
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"This is an angelic weapon given to me by your father to protect his family. This gun can kill royals, so my having it means there's a deep level of trust between your father and me. He trusts me not to fuck him over and kill what he loves, and I trust him not to do the same to me." she said, "Now let's go shopping, whatcha want?" She asked as she holstered her gun, "You..." I said softly, "You've gotta speak up kiddo. You know what, we're getting you a car." She said, "But I'm five I can't drive! I can't reach the peddles!" I said, "Then a small car. Good God you're making this difficult." She said, "A-Actually, I-I think I'd like something like that." I said as I pointed at her gun, "Holy shit kid. You're full of surprises. Fine, let's get you your first piece." She said as we walked out of the room, she put her hand on my back and I could feel my face getting red. "And where are you two going?" Lucifer asked, "Little man wants his first piece. And I'm gonna give it to him." Roxy said, "WHERE THE FUCK IS IT?!" Mama yelled, "She wants to test her new toy on you doesn't she?" Roxy asked Lucifer nodded and showed us the tv remote in his jacket pocket, "What she doesn't know won't kill her. And as for you. This is for you." He said as he handed me a credit card that was pitch black apart from the red inverted pentagram on it. "Holy shit! You're giving him a black card!" Roxy said, "What is it?" I asked, "That card is basically an infinite money glitch! You sure you don't wanna get that car?" she said, "Does Charlie have one?" I asked making Lucifer and Roxy laugh, "No, no no no. Heaven's no. Your sister will never have a black card." Lucifer said, "Now you two run along and keep the remote our little secret." He said as we left.
Lucifer POV
"Ah young love. It'll never work." I chuckled, "Was that (y/n) and Roxy? Where are they going?" Lilith asked, "Roxy is taking him shopping. Poor boy has it bad for the hot babysitter." I said, "Let's just hope she never brings her boyfriend over and breaks his heart." She said as she took the remote from my pocket, "Well shit." I said, "Go bite the pillow darling." She said.
(y/n) POV
Roxy bought me a gun, but I saw a jewelry store across the street snuck away. "Hello, I'd like to buy that bracelet please." I said as I pointed at the bracelet with a pentagram charm on it, "Twenty grand." The attendant said, "But it says one hundred on the price tag." I said, "It's the I hate kids and one showed up now pay up before I kick the shit outa ya, fee." he said, "Alright, I understand." I said as I handed him my black card. "HOLY SHIT!" He said as he tried to run only to get hit by a very familiar gun, "Hand it over or I'll make a new hole in ya. Oh and give him whatever he wanted for free. Call it the dumb bitch tax." Roxy said as she pointed her gun at his head, the attendant handed her my card and got up to give me the bracelet. "There now get out!" the attendant said before Roxy shot him, "Good bitch, now let's go." she said, "Um Roxy, this is for you." I said as I gave her the bracelet, "That's sweet, but this showed me that I have a lot to teach you. This black card isn't something to be used lightly, and always be sure that you can get it back once you let it out of your hands." she said, "I'm sorry I'll do better next time." I said, "I know you will, 'cause I'm a damn good teacher. Now we have another...three hours till those batteries die, so we're gonna have a hell of a time until it's safe to go home." she said as she picked me up onto her shoulders.
