When you die you either go to Heaven or Hell, there's no medium place for you to live out eternity in utter mediocrity. But, what if you did everything right, and yet you still got sent to Hell?
"And then I elbow-dropped the shark and broke its spine! We're not sure what happened to it now that it's dead, but Mama thinks it went to Wrath." I said making Loona laugh, "That was you! And here I thought that thing was born here!" She laughed, "Your shark's in Wrath and it kicked the shit out of Moxxie. Good job kid." She said, "So Loona we've known each other for what, two, three weeks now?" I said, "Nope I don't do or date kids!" She said, "What? I was gonna ask if you wanted to go on vacation with me and my family, I get to bring a friend since Charlie and Roxy are bringing their girlfriends." I said, "Why not bring someone your age?" She asked, "Cause I don't have those. Besides Roxy, you're my only friend." I said, "Well then sure why not." She said.
"You didn't tell me this is where you lived." Loona said as we got out of the car, "Yep it's still kinda intimidating." I said, "You're that new royal the one who picked a fight with an Overlord." she said, "That's me, well, me and Roxy. I couldn't have won without her." I said, "Holy shit!" she said.
"Alright everyone line up for a human disguise." Mama said, "I don't need one, I've already got one." Loona said as she transformed into a human form.
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"Well, then that makes this a bit easier." Mama said as she gave Roxy and Mira human disguises, Roxy's human form had long silver hair, long nails painted black and red, piercing red eyes, and an inverted pentagram on her left shoulder. She wore a gray crop top and a black skirt with a matching belt, a choker with a pentagram charm on it, and black heels. Mira's human form had black hair tied up into a ponytail, red painted nails, she had tan skin and dull red eyes. She wore a white button-down shirt with a few buttons at the top unbuttoned, black shorts and pantyhose, a choker with a full moon charm on it, and boots. Her shirt was tucked in apart from a part of it that was intentionally left untucked. "Damn not half bad. I'm really digging the post-hook-up look babe." Roxy said, "And you look like every cartoon goth from the early two thousands." Mira said as Roxy put on her leather jacket, "I-I'm not sure about this anymore hun!" Vaggie said as I opened my grimoire and gave her a human disguise.
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"Not cool kid, not cool at all." Vaggie said, "No backing out now." I said, "YOU CAN DO MAGIC! THAT'S AMAZING!" Charlie squealed excitedly, "Mama she's doing it again!" I said as Charlie hugged me, "Charlotte let your brother go." Mama said as Charlie let me go, I snapped and gave her a disguise.
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"Well, it's my turn." Lucifer said as blue flames engulfed him and transformed him into his human form...which didn't look any different than how he normally looked aside from being less pale. His tophat was replaced by a baseball cap with a crown an apple and a snake embroidered on it, he wore a floral print button-down and cargo shorts, a camera was strapped around his neck, and he wore socks with sandals. "The dad look!" Charlie and I said in shock, "What is this not what human fathers wear?" he asked, "They do, but that's...so normal!" I said in shock, "Alright everyone into the van. Come on we don't have all day." Mama said as she transformed into her human form in an outfit similar to Lucifer's only she was wearing big sunglasses as well as a camera. "Where are we going?" I asked, "Florida." Lucifer said as we got in the car and began to drive, "LET ME OUT." I cried as we exited the portal onto a highway. "Roxy, did you bring the guns?" I asked, "Sweetie, I'm always packing." Roxy said.
After an hour of driving, I was looking out my window and saw a weird guy in a kimono with three swords, green hair, a bandana, and a scar over his eye as we passed, "Huh, he looked lost." I said as Charlie put a book in my face, "LOOK! IT SAYS IT'S THE HAPPIEST PLACE IN THE WORLD! Soon they'll be saying that about my hotel." Charlie said confidently, "Yeah, right after someone sets it ablaze." I said, "Hey you can't say that!" Vaggie said, "He's not wrong." Loona said, "What's that supposed to mean?!" Vaggie snapped, "Come on, you know what it means." Loona said, "Kids stop fighting!" Mama snapped, "Oh relax dear, the weapons aren't even drawn yet." Lucifer said.
Lilith POV
We stopped at a gas station to stretch our legs and let the children have a small brawl should they feel it necessary. I went to the bathroom and made Lucifer take (y/n) to the bathroom as well, I know my son, and he wouldn't have said anything if he had to go until it was too late. I had finished doing my business and washed my hands, but when I tried to grab a paper towel the middle ripped off leaving the rest behind, I tried and tried several times to pull out the paper towel, but a little girl giggled and took hold of the paper towel and pulled from the sides and got the towel effortlessly! I mimicked what she did and the corners tore off the towel. I growled as my eyes turned black.
(y/n) POV
"MOTHER FUCKER!" Mama yelled angrily, "Seems your mother is having a bit of trouble." Lucifer said, "She's a demon from the dawn of time, and yet she can't handle a human restroom." He laughed as he tore the edges off the paper towel he was trying to grab. "And here we go." I sighed.
When we all returned to the van Mama and Lucifer were both seething with rage. "What crawled up your asses?" Roxy asked, "Not again!" I said, "WHO THE FUCK DESIGNED THAT THING! HOW AM I EXPECTED TO DRY MY HANDS WHEN THE PAPER TOWEL RIPS EACH TIME YOU TRY TO PULL ONE OUT?!" Mama snapped, "I wouldn't be as angry if literal children didn't pull the fucking towels from that vice in front of me!" Lucifer said angrily, "I said I was sorry!" I said.
"ALL I'M SAYING IS NOT EVEN EXCALIBUR WAS THAT DIFFICULT!" Mama snapped, "Wait Excalibur's real?!" I said, "Of course it is, it's in your father's office." she said, "WHY IS IT IN HELL?!" I asked in shock, "Come on did you think a sword that grants the power to be an unbeatable hero but when that power is needed most could be anything other than demonic?" she said, "But how?!" I asked, "It was a prank. Your father did the voice of God and I was the Lady of the Lake. And that dumbass Arthur fell for it hook line, and sinker." she said, "What other facets of my mortal life did you two influence?!" I asked, "Don't read too many fairytales. We got way too drunk and decided to fuck with the Brothers Grimm. I'm not sure if it makes it better or worse, but half of those stories actually happened. You can tell because they're either the most fucked up thing you'll ever read, or compared to the last one it wasn't so terrible and you could do worse." she said as she walked into the house we rented leaving me standing in shock, "What the fuck!" I said in shock, "First she rants about paper towels for three hours and then she drops those bombs on me!" I said, "You good?" Loona asked, "No, no I am not." I said.
Lilith POV
"You told him about our sixth date?" Lucifer said, "It was romantic. Plus he's gonna be stuck on the Grimm Brothers for a week, that's plenty of time to find his mother and torture her to death and head home without anyone knowing what we did." I said, "I love it when you scheme." he said, "No time for foreplay! Murder first, sex after!" I said, "Kinky." He said.
