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TWO i hope these letters never get to you ◀★▶
𝐃ear𝐊iara 𝐂arrera
I hope these letters willnever, ever get to you. But if they do, it means I've cracked, and kept them instead of throwing them in the fireplace, which is what my therapist told me to do if I can't bear to re-read them. But if you never get to see them, well, nobody's going to know about the miserable mood I'm in.
If someone asks me if I'm all right, I say I'm fine. Even if it's dad, June, or the old man. You know I don't like bothering people with my worries. Maybe I just don't trust them with them, or maybe I'd overwhelm them, you always said I worry too much.
But if you'd ask, I'd laugh and tell you it feels like I'm dying.
I trusted you, Kiara Carrera. And you pulled a Sarah Cameron on me. Hearts shouldn't break around here, and yet here I am, writing letters to burn. How much sadder does it get? But I'll do it again and again before it loses meaning.
I miss us. I won't show it, but I miss us, and I forever will. You were the splatter of color in my painting, the golden chapter of my life so far.
I miss us, but nobody's going to know. Not you, not anyone. I'm not even sure why I don't want you to know that, but I can't trust you anymore, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. We're stuck in a loop, like a toy train that my sister broke as a kid. And if I can't trust you, I can't trust anyone. Not even me, Kiara. I can't trust myself.
So I have no choice but to wear the mask of a person I'd hate if I saw her walking on the street. I'll hate you, I'll try to make your life miserable, put on a good show for you to watch, I've always been good at that. And I still am. And I'm sorry if you feel hurt, but hurting you like that is better than hurting you the other way. Love hurts more than hate.
But till then, I'm not going to see you much, or anyone really.
