Overshadowed || Han Jisung

2

  Here are your warnings!!

  This is a mature book. It contains topics such as: Self Harm/self destruction, eating disorders, suicide attempts, strong language and so on.

  If you can't handle that, please click out. No hate in the comments will be tolerated and will be immediately deleted. If you're looking to argue, this isn't the place.

  Thank you for reading this book, I hope you can enjoy it. If not, I'm always open for constructive criticism. Thank you :)

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   "Hurry up Mori, I had to leave five minutes ago!" Yuriko yelled through the house, causing me to roll my eyes. "Relax, you have twenty minutes and it only takes six to get there."

  She let out an annoyed breath, my playful mood dropping. "I'm sorry, let's go."

  I didn't mind annoying my parents, but that sigh hurt. Yuriko seemed quite frustrated with me these last few days.

  I was more careful than usual so I didn't bother her with my antics, keeping quiet whenever I had something on my mind. We still talk every night.. but something is still off with her.

  The ride was silent until she removed her car key. "Mom is making me take another class. It's not personal, I'm sorry. I get out at 5 on the dot, am I driving you home?"

  I forced a smile, shaking my head. "I get out at 3:45.. so don't worry about it."

  She raised a brow, stopping me from leaving the car. "Do you have a ride home?"

  "Yeah."

  I'll just take the bus or something..

  "Okay, see you tonight."

  We split off for first period. I usually slept during this time, as it was labeled a rest period.

  By the time second period rolled around,  I already knew today was not the day. I was tripped by a group of snobby girls and even called on by the teacher when I wasn't even volunteering. It was a composing class.

I walked to the roof for lunch. On bad days, I'd stand by the ledge and secretly smoke a cigarette or two, depending on how bad the day was.

  I wasn't feeling it today, but the view was still refreshing. The amount of times jumping had crossed my mind, it's hard to believe I haven't done it yet.

I took my hood off, looking at my cut and scarred up forearms. I wasn't proud of it but I couldn't help it sometimes. Being alone with your thoughts is a scary place. It became an addiction.

  When it was time for vocal training, I slumped down the roof stairs and into the classroom, hiding in my hoodie as well as I could.

  It didn't work very well. I was called on to sing, so I half-assed it and mumbled along until the teacher was annoyed with me and sent me back. I'm not sure why she expects I'll suddenly actually try, but she can keep trying if she wants.

Two classes later was dance. The last class of the day. I lazily followed the teacher, memorizing the moves quite quickly.

Yuriko was towards the front of the class, helping the few that struggled. Jisung also became a helper, walking more towards the back. I tried to avoid eye contact as he stopped in front of me.

"You know, you have great control and muscle memory. All it needs is a little power behind it.." he kindly smiled, walking along. My body grew warm at the interaction, temporary freezing in its place.

I snapped out of it, continuing my usual effort. I was ready to go home since this morning, so I spent most of the class watching Jisungs reflection in the mirror.

  He is really attractive.. and a mesmerizing dancer. I could watch him for hours.

  When the class let out, I bid my sister farewell and made my way to the bus stop. I plugged in my headphones, blasting the music as loud as it could go as I took my seat.

  The ride home didn't take long at all. Our parents wouldn't be home for some time, so I peacefully walked up to my room and locked the door.

  I dropped all of my school stuff, removing my clothes as I walked into my bathroom and started the shower. I just sat on the ground, dissociating as the water hit my bare head and shoulders.

  I stared at the hair razor, shaking my head.

  I have no reason to..

  But I want to feel something

  Can I still feel pain?

   Blood began to drop down my arms and over my legs, soon getting washed away by the pressured water.

  Well, I guess I can..

  I kept going, feeling silent tears escape my eyes. Images of the school roof flashed as I sniffled.

  My will to live was getting weaker and weaker as I found more ways I could put it to an end.

  My thighs began to bleed too. After what seemed like an eternity, I got out of the shower and bandaged myself up. I felt a bit lightheaded from skipping lunch, but shook it off and wobbled to my bed.

-- 3 am --

   I threw on some cargo pants and a black long sleeve, covered by a flannel. I put my hair in a ponytail and covered my face with a mask, sneaking out of the house and into the school.

  I wasn't really sneaking in per say, as certain rooms stayed open for twenty-four hour use.

  My feet brought me to the dance room, successful in not seeing a single person on the way. Most late night studiers leave around one in the morning, so that was good for me.

  The early birds arrive around five, so I'll have to keep that in mind.

  I set down my flannel, tying the long sleeve shirt up to crop it. Connecting my phone to the speaker, I turned on some vibey music at a low volume.

  It didn't take long to fall into the music, moving my body carelessly to the beat. After some warming up my body, I turned the song on from class today.

  I remembered the moves without struggle, putting more energy and effort into it. I was surprised to find it fun, letting the music play over and over again.

  I remembered a dance Yuriko had done for a project a few months ago, going as far as smiling as I pulled it off.

  I didn't expect to have so much fun dancing, but I was. I was smiling and enjoying my time, wishing I could dance all night. It felt good to just let loose.

  My original plan in coming here definitely wasn't dancing, but I'm glad I found myself here instead.

  I added in a few of the gymnastics I remembered from the three years of classes, coming up with everything I did on the spot. I wasn't exactly looking in the mirror the whole time, so I'm sure I looked quite silly.

I spun in a quick circle, hitting the floor with an 'oof' as my head was in a daze. My sight became incredibly blurry and unfocused, as well as light tingles coming from my fingertips and toes.

  "Hey! Hey are you alright?!?"

 

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