Rising From Ashes

Chapter 3 - Ryloth

Author's Note: Yes, this will hurt. Enjoy the familiar faces. Pretty much everyone is suffering in some way now. :')

~ Amina Gila

Alema Syndulla

It's been a month since Order 66, since the Jedi fell, since I lost everything I knew. A month since I've been away from Ahsoka and the twins.

Since I've been back with the rest of my family on Ryloth, hiding out in our house. Jinx has been with me this entire time, but that's not nearly enough to soothe the emptiness in my heart.

Predictably, the Empire came here. The people know me, so I have to stay inside at all times to avoid being seen. It's exhausting, and frustrating, because I'm not used to hiding, but I'm still much better off than most people, so it's really not my place to complain about it. At least I'm here with my family, unlike Jinx, who is entirely alone. He doesn't even know what it's like to have a family, except the Order, and that's nothing but ashes.

All he has is me, and I wouldn't say we're that close, even if we're friends. Besides, the way I feel towards him isn't something Jedi do, but at least it's distracting me. That's the most I can ask for.

"I never asked you how you made it out," I say finally, one evening, because I can't stop thinking about it. And I never asked him before. It's not something we ever discussed, because it was too painful.

"I had help," he answers bluntly, "Clone Force 99 was there. They covered for me while I escaped."

"I thought all the clones were being controlled?"

"Not these. I don't know why, but they weren't, and they helped me. Or at least some of them did."

Strange, but I suppose it's not impossible to imagine that some of the clones weren't affected.

Their inhibitor chips could've been damaged in the war, or they might've not been fully functioning. It could be anything. The whys don't much matter, in the end. Only that it happened, and that Jinx is here.

Idly, I reach out to take his hand. Now that we're alone, I find myself thinking more and more about... him. Ahsoka is not with me constantly like she once was, so I can't focus my attention on her. I'm alone, except Jinx, and...

"The more time we spend here, the more it reminds me of Wasskah," he murmurs finally, and my heart clenches painfully at the mention. That's something Ahsoka and I never – rarely – discuss. Some things, I don't want to think about. There was nothing like the fear that I would never get home. It's the first and only time we've ever been in a situation like that. Did good come of it? Yeah, always, but that doesn't mean...

"Yeah," I murmur in agreement, "But we had each other then. We trusted each other, and that's how we got out."

He was already broken once, I remember. And it takes far more strength to get back up and put yourself together after than to stay together from the start. I... wish I could say the same about myself. I still feel a drowning regret when I think of Kalifa, even though we both know there's nothing we could have done to save her. People die. It happens, just like all the Jedi died. At least she never had to see what we do now.

"But this?" he asks, shaking his head, "This is different."

Yes, it is. I was furious when Aniya and Ahsoka were expelled. Everything felt... dark, wild, and cold to me then, and it's much worse now. It's the Dark Side, I know, but somehow, I never expected myself to be... tempted like this.

"I know," I murmur. At least back then, there was a way out. Now, there isn't. We can only survive the fallout, with the knowledge that nothing we know will be the same again.