You Just Love To Hate Me || Ricky 'Horror' Olson (EDITING)

Chapter 17: Your Withered Heart And Everything It's Seen

Song for this chapter: The Day I Left The Womb- Escape The Fate

Vamp's POV

I sniffed and wiped away a tear as Ricky zipped up my dress at the back. We've been in Scranton for a couple days and it's now the day of my child's funeral.

"Are you sure you can handle this?" Ricky asked as he rested his chin on my head and wrapped his arms around me.

"No," I shook my head, "But I have to do this; it's my baby."

"I know," He sighed and angled his head down to kiss my scalp. "You're so strong," He murmured as he stared into my eyes through the mirror.

I sighed as I looked at myself in the mirror again. I'm not wearing any makeup because it'll just end up running down my face, my hair is curled and falls neatly around my shoulders, I'm wearing a simple black skater dress, black nylon tights and plain black slip-on shoes. "Are you sure I look alright?"

"If you didn't I'd tell you; I wouldn't let you embarrass yourself so yes you do," He smirked.

"You look good," I complimented him. He's wearing a black dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to just below his elbows, tailored dress trousers and black dress shoes; he didn't want to wear his VANS or skinny jeans to a funeral.

He smiled. "So Chris has been organising things and he has a casket sorted and the baby is going to be buried okay?"

"You have the actual baby?" I asked in shock.

"Yes the hospital kept it until we decided what we were going to do with it."

"Okay," I nodded and the knot in my stomach doubled in size at the thought that my dead child's body will be there too. He never even took a breath.

"Balz and Ryan are going to carry him in and we're going to give him a proper humanitarian ceremony. Do you want to speak?" He asked. I nodded. "Jack does as well," He told me warily.

"I can't stop him," I sighed.

"You're being so mature about everything I'm so proud of you for handling this so well."

"Honestly I'm not I'm just putting on a brave front, but hopefully after getting closure on my baby and saying goodbye to Jack forever I'll be able to move forward and get better." I admitted.

"You're stronger thank you think," He whispered and kissed my head one more time before unwrapping his arms from my waist and pulling out a black tie.

"Are you guys ready?" Chris yelled up the stairs. We're staying at Motionless In White's house for about a week until we can move into our own house.

"We'll be right down," Ricky called back. He turned to me and placed his hands on my cheeks carefully. "Are you ready?" He asked. I nodded uncertainly. "I'll be right by your side the whole time," He promised and kissed me lips softly. I went to walk out, but he wrapped his arms around my waist from behind and hugged me tightly. He tickled my sides and I giggled and wiggled out of his tight grip. "I just wanted to see you smile again," He explained. 

"Guys!" Chris shouted.

"We better go," Ricky sighed and grabbed my hand tightly as a sign of comfort. "You can do this." I breathed out through my nose heavily and nodded then Ricky lead me downstairs and out of the door.

We got into the black car that would take us to the crematorium, where the ceremony is held, and I cuddled into Ricky. I looked in front of us and saw another car, except this one is smaller and the back isn't seats, but instead a lot of flowers and then as I peered closer I saw wood in the middle of the display. My baby. Ricky's eyes followed mine and he hugged me tighter as the car drove off towards the crematorium.

The two cars pulled up outside and everyone got out of ours, but I stay sat and Ricky looked at me in confusion. I looked out and saw all of my friends from bands and tours, all of Jack's friends and family, All Time Low and my family.

"I can't do this," I whispered.

"Yes you can," Ricky argued. "I'll be right next to you the whole time Vamp."

I nodded and placed my hand on the handle, but didn't move. Ricky kissed my temple to prompt me and I pulled the handle outwards and pushed the door open. I stepped out and he followed lightly behind me and I ran up to my family. I don't have a big family just my parents, grandparents and my little brother, but he's not here right now. I hugged my grandparents and Dad and then I hugged my Mum really tightly because we always had a special bond since my accident.

"My poor baby," She said quietly as she rubbed circles on my back.

I sniffed and pulled away. "I missed you Mumma."

"I missed you too angel," She smiled. "How are you handling things?"

"I've been okay," I sighed. "Ricky's been helping me through things."

"I always liked Ricky," She said quietly and winked at me, but not quiet enough because Ricky's now smirking at me.

"Me too," I giggled and winked back.

"Where's this Jack boy then?" My Dad asked through gritted teeth with his fists clenched.

"Not now," My Mum warned him. "Do it later."

Everyone suddenly got quiet and I turned around, knowing why. Ricky wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close to him. I watched as they pulled the boot up and Ryan and Balz picked up the casket. They hoisted it on their shoulders and carried it through the double doors. Jack, Ricky and I followed then Chris and the rest of my family then Jack's family. We walked down the front aisle and I watched as they placed the casket on the podium. My family went into the first row then I sat next to Chris and Ricky sat next to me and on the other side All Time Low and Jack's family sat. Everyone else sat behind us, Vinny, Ryan and Balz directly behind us.

A woman, who looked to be in about her mid-thirties, stepped up behind a small wooden podium. "Good afternoon everyone. Today we are here to say goodbye to a very very young loss." She started. She spoke about things, read a few poems etc. then she called me up to speak.

I stood up slowly and smoothed down my dress. I looked at Ricky desperately so he got up to and lead me to the podium. I stood in front of it and he stood to the side and entwined our fingers. He ran his thumb back and forth over my knuckle and smiled at me encouragingly.

I cleared my throat and looked up at everyone, "Um I didn't really prepare anything; I was in a very bad place so I guess I have to wing it," I chuckled nervously. "I don't really though because what I'll say will come from the heart. First of all I'd like to thank everyone that flew to come out here it means so much to see such a big turnout for a life that was never lived. I was so excited for this baby because I thought that it would be the next chapter in my life, but instead my life has turned upside down over the loss of it and it seems like after I lost this baby everything has just gone wrong. It's awful to think that this baby never took his first breath, said its first word, took its first step or anything like that. This baby never lived and that kills me. It also killed me to give birth to what I thought would be a healthy happy baby, but instead was a corpse. I wanted to be with this baby so bad when I first lost it, when everything went wrong and I still do, but I realise how valuable life is and I hope that it's living up there."

I turned to the coffin. "I know you're with me baby and I hope you're having the childhood of a lifetime up there. I love you so much and I'll see you soon. Sleep tight baby," I whispered and brought two fingers up to my mouth, kissed them and then as I stepped down I placed my fingers on the lid of the casket. "Mummy loves you," I whispered again.