I didn't think you cared - Tom Kaulitz

"im going to end this shit"

"i'm here to help you, okay? i'm trying to help you get away from him." an unfamiliar voice whispers to me. He slowly removes his hand from my mouth. I need to think about this, do i want to get away? i should, right? but why do i also feel like i don't want to? it's all happening so quick i feel like i have no choice, tom keeps me safe but he also hurts me. I feel like he cares deep down, so i don't know why i'm going to do what i'm about to do, but..

"what if i don't want to get away from him?!" i cry as i elbow him somewhere, most likely in his stomach because he quickly lets go of me and i get up and try hold onto something. "Alice, was that you?!" tom shouts, i hesitate to answer, thinking about the man's words. should i go? should i run? it's all too much and i just start running, god knows where and i keep running until i bump straight into someone, knocking us both down. "who's that?!" they say, pushing me straight off them, hard. They get up and start shouting, "Alice! where are you?" it was tom.

"seriously? tom you fucking asshole." i say while  grunting on the floor, holding my back as it hurts. "oh shit, sorry i didn't know it was you. i can't see." tom says sounding guilty. "well obviously." i reply back to him, sarcastically. why am i having such a casual talk with a murderer. what the fuck?

"here, let me help you-" tom says, sounding caring.. "no, i'm fine." i snap back at him, feeling a little guilty, he was just trying to help but i don't think he ever cared when he shouted at me, or hit me. I got up, and started walking, i still couldn't see so i just walked. didn't care where i was going, just.. away. "alice. I can hear you, where are you going?" he says, sounding annoyed. I stayed silent and heard heavy footsteps behind me and started running, but quietly. Well, trying to be quiet anyway. He pissed me off now, i hate this man.

i ran and clashed into something, making me fall over and hit my leg, i think it was a table or something, he definitely heard it because i heard footsteps behind me. I needed to think of something, quick. He grabbed the back of my shirt and pulled me up. The lights turned back on and he saw me, i saw him. My face looked pale, and his looked.. well, sad?

I just hugged him, he slightly hugged me back, and i felt his gun in his back pocket, and i grabbed it. I pulled away from the hug slowly and started crying. "Listen, im sorry. okay, im sorry. but i cant do this anymore.." i cry, tears rolling down my face as he hears the gun click, im pointing it straight at him, it's loaded and ready to shoot, he puts his hands up and backs away from me, i back away from him, still pointing the gun at him as i back away out of the door, and run. I keep a lookout for him, the gun still in my hand.

i'm scared . i know tom, he will come for me; when he does he will be angry. I did. what i had to do, and i hope it's enough. Surely he is scared? He doesn't want to die does he? Even so, i couldn't shoot him. I couldn't shoot anyone, not even him. I just don't know what to do right now, im walking away and i should be running. But, still.. tom doesn't seem to move. That's a good thing, right? Yes.

i walk and walk until i find a hotel. I have only a little bit of money, maybe enough for 2 nights there. I check in and go to my room, I lock the door and sit on the bed. I put toms gun on the bedside table and i  am constantly looking out of the window, listening to every single voice i hear, i am so paranoid because of him. i cant live like this, i don't understand how someone could be so cruel to another. My life is pointless now, i am alone and anxious all because of him. He made me feel like i am not enough.  I hate this. I hate my life, myself; I hate him.

i'm here, left to my own thoughts. It's dangerous. I think and think, i get angry and scream and throw stuff, breaking everything in this little hotel room. I break down crying and sit on the edge of the bed and grab toms gun. I sit and cry, with the gun in my hand and just think. what am i doing? Yes, that's right. i'm going to end this shit. This misery.

i hold the gun up to my head, and just as i am about to pull the trigger, someone kicks the door down. "alice?" someone says in a sad, concerned voice. It scares me so bad that i flinch and pull the trigger. The bullet flys out and hits me in my arm. I stare in shock, not even turning around. I already knew who it was so i just sat there and dropped the gun. My arm dripping blood onto the floor and i just sat and waited. "Alice, what are you doing? WHAT WERE YOU DOING?" tom shouts, i just ignore him. what is he going to do, kill me? that's what i wanted anyways; i wanted to be dead. Nothing he can do to me will hurt me anymore, i wont fight him, i wont run. I will just accept it. "alice." he says again, awaiting a response from me. Suddenly everything goes fuzzy. I get dizzy and my eyes are heavy and i drop to the floor with a thud. I hear tom talk, but it's not normal. It's muffled. "Alice?! what the fuck were you thinking?" tom says, panicked as i fully black out.