Love You As You Are +18

Chapter 48

| MILES |

Serenity.

Defined as a disposition free from stress or emotion/ The absence of mental stress or anxiety.

Or to put it in one simple word…

Peacefulness.

The one thing I’ve been searching for my whole life. This serene feeling of…floating in the clouds, shoulders free of any burden or pain. It’s just me and the quietness. It’s addictive. The more I dwell in it, the more I want to stay there.

If humanity knew what this felt like, it’d be like a discovered drug. Good for your mental health, but toxic when abused. When you’ve lived your whole life in chaos and you suddenly get a taste of this, you can’t help but want more of it.

Is this what death feels like? Or am I just…hallucinating? What’s the worst between the two?

Knowing you’re dead and you might never be able to see your loved ones. Or…hallucinating this quietude and knowing it’ll be ripped from you any second and you’ll be plunged back into the chaos.

Do I choose peace or my loved ones?

“It’s over now baby,” I looked to my side, my eyes widening. I looked around quickly and realised we’re seated on a bench in a…seemingly enchanted park. Knee-length green grass with flowers blooming here and there.

I turned to the person sitting next to me.

“M-Mom?” my voice wavered, watching her.

She smiles at me, placing a gentle hand over mine, sending warmth. I can almost feel her. “The worst is over. You’re free now. You can go home,”

“Am I dead?”

“No baby,” she shook her head. “It’s not time,”

I looked around. It was peaceful here. I must be dead. Otherwise, why am I here?

“But…what if I’m dead?” I turned to my mother. She smiles at me, reaching a hand to caress my cheek ever so gently. Greedily, I leaned into her touch, wanting more of it. The bridge of my nose stung with incoming tears. “Mom,” my voice is wobbly as I nuzzled my face in her hand. Unable to help myself, I threw my arms around her, hugging her. She’s quick to hug me back, squeezing just a tad bit tighter. “Mom,” I whispered, tears trickling down my face.

Sniffling, I pulled back to look at her. “I’m sorry,” I said sobbing. “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you,”

“No baby-“

“If I’d been careful, then you would still be-“

“No baby, you’ve done all that you can to protect the family,” she said rubbing my back soothingly. “I was sick,” I shook my head, looking into her eyes that have somehow lost their tiredness. Mother was radiant. Beautiful and so…lively.

Unlike the last time I saw her.

“It wasn’t time,” I said sobbing.

“God’s timing is always right, my baby.” She said with a sigh.

“Well…” I fumbled on my words. “I hate God’s timing then,” mom laughs. Her laugh is airy and…melodious. I rested my head on her shoulder, wanting to bask in her warmth as much as I could; while I still had a chance.

“I’m the one that should apologise,” mom whispered quietly. I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling her lips pressed on my head. “For everything,” I hate that her voice is wobbly. “I should have been there with you. I just…I was so torn. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t leave the others with Henry, knowing what he’s capable of. I thought that my mother would take good care of you and…” she trails off, tightening her hold on me. “I’m so sorry my baby,”