i said i loved her
i grasped the belief
but it runs through the cracks between my fingers like water
i should have grabbed it by the horns
and taken ownership of it
it was not just a chemical
i am sure of this
i envisioned a garden
where my body wasn't my enemy
and i gave grace to my features
despite the way the sunlight reveals my skin
but here slips the wheel
of a memory that chokes me
there is no value to it, but a painfulness that digs a hole
and suddenly your revelation loses a spark
you are back to black coffee to numb the hunger
and warming up the cold corner
asking yourself
is she not the eight year old child she once was?
who kept a pitiful cry in her lungs
who held her knees to her chest on a worn leather couch
hiding from the big bad wolf?
she was theft something vile
may the child in her beg
her to say once again
i love you
i love you enough to feed you and keep you warm
