i feel it slowly infecting me again
chained to my bed on my third cup of coffee
the tiresomeness never ends
and sleep heals nothing more than escaping
you will push yourself to no degree only for the sake of deserving something to eat
and suddenly, no one understands your little corner in this world
a dark green wave crashes upon you
and you submerge
perhaps you allow it in
because it is eating you away fleetingly
it is stripping any purpose or design
and you are indulging in the very hurt you inflict upon yourself
because punishment is all you know
after all, you are the same sixteen year old being screamed at from the living room chair
maybe you wrote a curse of failure on your forehead
maybe it has lasted five years
is there anything i can do to stop decaying?
will i wake one day and revel in living?
will i wake one day and be joyous i woke?
the mirror has waited for twenty one years
for me to accept to her
too late, i have made you the villain
i fear to accept the soil covering me
i fear to believe that this is all i will ever be
for what will i amount to
chained to the very bed i died in?
