Toxic (Cartman x male reader)

Chapter 15 - Unwanted feelings

(Be prepared this is the chapter where you start falling for him shhhh)

Your POV

1am in the morning. I was the only one awake in this house, though I have to be extremely quiet or else I'll be dead. I tried to sleep earlier, but I couldn't. So I decided to stay up until I feel tired. Or is it even gonna happen?

I was doing something on the phone, and somehow I got a text from Eric.

Kickass: ur awake right?

You: Uhm yeah

You: I thought you're sleeping

Kickass: Sleep is for the weak lmao 💀

You: What are you up to this time

Kickass: I'm texting u cuz I'm bored and can't sleep

You: No shit I also can't sleep

Kickass: Damn

Kickass: Wanna see Clyde frog 🥺

You: I guess

Kickass:

You: oh nice

Kickass: Ye

Kickass: I'll just head out bye bye

You: Ok bye

I still wonder why Eric and I like, Y'know. Care about each other. Wait a minute.. I'm not feeling so good...

I think im developing feelings for Eric...

NO NO NO THIS CAN'T BE! I CAN'T LOVE A DESPICABLE, UNLOVABLE FATASS, I CAN'T FALL FOR HIM!! PEOPLE ARE GONNA THINK IM A WEIRDO IF THEY FOUND OUT!

I can't like him I can't like him I can't....

Nevermind, it's too late... I have a crush on Eric now.. this is crazy. He did horrible shit but I didn't care. It's so stupid... Am I starting to like him because we're partners in crime and I'm the only human he actually cares for? Am I crazy or what??

This isn't ok.. I feel like I might end up like Heidi since she and Eric been in a toxic relationship in the past... He did lots of horrible stuff but I have no hate for him and I don't even know why. Also, Heidi is now dating a red hair girl named Red. There was one time he drank  Kenny's ashes. People were upset at him but I didn't get to feel any emotion. So I decided to pretend.

I can't believe myself. I really am I total wimp. It's not good for me anymore. I can't even confess to him since he gets mad when people ask him if he likes me or whatever.

I was tearing up inside while having these thoughts. Now my friends are gonna see me as a weirder person for falling for Eric. Yeah, we are partners in crime but he is probably less innocent than me. But... can't help it.

I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I just lay on bed and just sighed quietly. I buried my face to my pillow like I usually do when I feel like shit. I'm really upset right now and I feel like I can't do anything about him and I can't force myself to not like Eric. I'm just mentally retarded.

Well... There's a song called I fell in love with the devil by Avril Lavigne. I found this song like since 2020 and I really liked it.. and somehow I could kinda relate to this song.

Oh fuck it. I'm just gonna listen to it and I have no choice. I got my phone, plugged in my earphones, played the song, and just listen to the lyrics.

I finally calmed down a bit after listening. I'm still worried if Eric likes me back. I don't know, does he? What's possible is that we're a little close and whats impossible is that he literally hates gays. But he was straight with Heidi but treated her like shit. He even treats me nicer than her. Why the fuck??

Another thing that's bothering is that I'm overthinking about our friends reaction. They hate Eric. They can't stand his ugly and obnoxious behavior. It's so rare how I could handle it since I don't usually feel emotions. And now if they find out about me liking him, they're gonna think I'm a weirdo and even brainwashed by him. Which I feel like I am since we were friends before I started killing more. I start to like Eric Cartman and I'm ashamed of myself.

So I took out my diary and wrote all my thoughts now that I'm falling for Eric and even put my thoughts on Eric and even my anxious thoughts. And put it back where it was.

I sighed to myself again and unplugged my earphones and just went to sleep. I don't even know anymore.

*SpongeBob narrator voice*
The next morning...

It was Monday but I don't even know if I should skip school. And somehow, I feel like I need to tell someone that I like Eric.. I know it's stupid but I feel like someone has to know it even though they might think I'm weird. But who would I trust the most?

Not Elenor, she's gonna tease the shit out of me. Hmm...

Maybe Kyle? Wait no. He hates Eric and if I tell him, he's gonna stay the fuck away from me.

Hmm... Let's see, uhh.. Okay, maybe Stan since he asked if I liked Eric but he was so chill. I'm still concerned with his reaction but I have to break it to him. It's scary but I would feel a tiny bit better if I tell a trusted one about my actual feelings. So yeah.

In 3rd period math in Ms.Nelson, we're working on a project and she's putting us into groups. What's a bit lucky is that Stan and I are in the same group. Now's my chance. I'm still nervous but I have to do this.

"Uhm, hey Stan I have something to tell you. But please don't tell anyone this it's embarrassing." I gulped. "Uhm, sure. What is it?" He asked. "I'm scared for your reaction though.." I stated. He blinked twice.

"Just tell me, I won't say a word to anyone." He responded. I gulped before my words. "I'm starting to like Cartman.." I whispered. "I knew that was gonna happen." Stan replied.

"I don't know if he'll like me back since he's not gay.." I sighed in sadness. "I mean.. I think you guys will go well since he's literally nice to you unlike everyone else." He shrugged. I didn't want to continue to conversation, so I didn't say anything back.

Ok.. At least he gets it. Nothing bad or whatever.

*SpongeBob narrator voice*
Later...

We were at the a park. I was sitting on a tree branch and just chilling, looking at the blue sky. For some reason, my eyes weren't sensitive to the sun.

"Y/N!" I heard Eric. I looked down and saw that he's standing in front of the tree with 2 cake pops. He threw one to me and I catch it. "Thanks." I said and he walked away.

I'm still very curious though. Why is he nice to me out of everyone? Is it because we have stuff in common? Does he secretly hate me and might manipulate me in the end? Am I his type? I don't know but I still love him either way. I'm crazy.

I sighed and just relax. Try not to give a shit. I'll get with Eric and I'm sure no one is gonna find that weird even though they see me as an innocent and see Eric as a shithead.

I'll be fine.